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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Called 999 today, now feeling guilty about the consequences.m

136 replies

flanjabelle · 27/05/2016 20:06

Today I was called over by two elderly ladies who were quite distressed. I had been walking down the road with dd and stopped to talk to them. They were upset because a car had two babies in it (one around 6 months, one around 18 months) in full sun and there were no parents.

I asked them how long they had been there and the ladies said over 5 minutes and no one had come to the car. The baby was in the back, screaming his little head off, and the toddler was in the front, both in full sun.

I looked around, no one was coming to the car, the shops are right down the other end of the street and no one was coming. I called 999 after being there for around 4 minutes. The police asked me what was happening and I had explained where we were and what was wrong. They were telling me someone was coming out to us as a woman came back to the car. One of the ladies asked her if it was her car, she said it was, and shouted at the elderly lady that she had only been in the bank. I told her she shouldn't leave her babies in the car alone, definitely not in this heat! (It was 25 degrees here this afternoon and very sunny.) The bank is around a hundred yards away, at the beginning of the road. She was parked on double yellow lines near the town car park, but not in it.

The police told me they could hear what was happening and told me to get the registration of the car. I did as the woman got in the car and roared off up the road at speed.

The police told me they had her address and would be going there to pay her a visit.

Now I'm pretty sure I did the right thing, but now I'm having wobbles about the knock on effect of this. She is going to get a ss referral now isn't she. Should I have waited longer? In total she would have been away from the car for at least 12-15 minutes if not more as I don't know how long she had been gone when the ladies noticed the babies alone.

After she left I spent a while comforting the ladies as they found it all very upsetting. I don't think they had mobile phones as they didn't seem to know what to do in the situation, they were just very upset to see the babies alone and one of them clearly distressed.

Aibu for what I did today? Does what she did justify the consequences that are going to happen now? Should I have just waited by the car? Just having a wobble now.

OP posts:

DramaAlpaca · 27/05/2016 22:05

You did the right thing OP.

AdelesBeard · 27/05/2016 22:07

'Now I'm pretty sure I did the right thing, but now I'm having wobbles about the knock on effect of this.'

Totally get this. Twenty years ago. pre-kids, I was living in a block of flats when I smelt gas. I went out onto the landing and traced the smell to the ground floor flat. I phoned the gas board and said I suspected a leak. Gas blokes came out v quickly (like within 20 mins) and, when they couldn't get an answer at the door, they broke into the flat where the gas smell was coming from. Turned out that a gas ring had been left on and there were three kids asleep in the flat. Chances are that the gas wouldn't have done any damage to the kids (airy, drafty Victorian building) but it turned out that there was no adult in the flat with the kids - they were home alone - a baby, two toddlers. Police were called and arrived sharpish. I was giving a statement when the mother arrived home - she'd gone to the pub up the road to buy fags, She was probably gone no more than 45 minutes. I'll never forget her face when she came around the corner and saw the police and the gas board guys out on the pavement. I don't know what happened. The lady who lived up the stairs never tired of telling me what a good mum the woman was - and I believe that she probably was. Unfortunately that night she nipped out for fags, and accidentally left a ring on. All this time later I still wonder what the ramifications were for that family. But honestly I don't regret what I did - I don't know what else I could have done. You did the right thing.

Legendofthephoenix · 27/05/2016 22:09

You done the right thing there is some things I would do but leaving my babies in a car for anyone to take them is a no no. Well done.

starry0ne · 27/05/2016 22:17

You can take comfort from the fact you have a rare unanimous agreement..If you waited another 5 minutes and mum had not returned at all that would be another 5 minutes those little ones would be stuck in the heat.

IdrisElbasWife · 27/05/2016 22:20

If in doubt, go out on a hot day and sit in your car with the windows shut for 15 minutes and see how utterly unbearable that is.

Now imagine you are a baby whose mother has left him and you can't escape the heat and you are screaming and no one is coming to get you.

Of course you did the right thing.

I got in my car today and the heat in it was unbearable. I had to leave the door open until I'd got all four windows down just to get some air in there. I can't imagine being sat in there with that level of heat and no fresh air.

serin · 27/05/2016 22:43

Haven't read the full thread but she might not have been their mother.

She could be a child minder, and some poor unsuspecting parent could be paying her. Only saying as we paid an agency to take our DC to school and found out that they dropped them on the other side of a busy road.

You did the right thing.

Glovebug · 28/05/2016 03:43

You did the right thing OP

Jenny70 · 28/05/2016 06:19

Definitely did the right thing OP, and had she been super embarrassed or apologetic, with a great reason for being absent, I would perhaps too feel a little remorse over involving police etc.

But she didn't, she was aggressive and bullish, telling everyone to mind their business... hopefully a visit from police and SS will encourage her to revise her thinking.

If they visit and find her children are similarly neglected/at risk in the home environment, then she will get the support needed to better their situation. If it is determined that she can't/won't improve it, then children may be taken into care - but that is some way down the track and not your responsibility at all.

Dakin1 · 28/05/2016 06:53

Think I've spotted your story on Facebook OP??! Few details changed

Called 999 today, now feeling guilty about the consequences.m

TheMaddHugger · 28/05/2016 07:05

((((((((Hugs))))))))))) Flan

You did Brilliantly. and yeh, I suffer anxiety too. So I get how you felt after.

((((((((Hugs)))))))) and Prayers for your LO.

Original poster

flanjabelle · 28/05/2016 07:14

Dakin that's not me. I am nowhere near Scunthorpe. I'm in essex.

OP posts:

Dakin1 · 28/05/2016 07:17

I didn't really think it was you OP but story did have similarities. you did the right thing btw

Janecc · 28/05/2016 07:33

You so did the right thing. Babies and small children are much more susceptible to extremes of temperature as well because of their size.

Tbh it is good there will be a knock on effect, even if she or her partner/husband aren't abusive in any other way, she needs to be educated on the dangers of overheating and the children need to be checked out for heat exhaustion by health professionals. God, no I never leave DD out of sight. She's nearly 8 and wants to stay in the car sometimes now when I nip in a shop and I won't let her. She refused to be left in the car up til she was at least 6 for me to go and pay at the service station - now when I leave her I always choose one with a kiosk in full view.

MiyakoOdori · 28/05/2016 07:33

You did the right thing

My DH has anxiety and overthinks things after the event has passed. You were fully justified in your actions it was hot yesterday and honestly they could of been seriously harmed I know it's dramatics to say that but babies dehydrate fast.

I hope your dd is on the mend soon!

Janecc · 28/05/2016 07:35

Are you getting help for your physical pain? What condition/illness do you have? I'm so sorry your daughter is ill.

Original poster

flanjabelle · 28/05/2016 07:39

Sorry I have just realised it is a joke post. Its too early!

OP posts:

Original poster

flanjabelle · 28/05/2016 07:49

Jane I have been fighting for over a year and a half to get help for my back problem. I have what they think are one or possibly two herniated discs, sciatica in both legs and a trapped femoral nerve in one leg. I am exhausted from the pain at night and none of the painkillers or nerve blocking drugs they give me stop the pain. It has just taken its toll on my mental health and even though I am finally getting somewhere with the physical health side (been referred to orthopaedics and pain manahement, had an xray and blood tests to look for auto immune issues). I have been referred to CAMHS now for my mental health so I will hopefully be getting some help soon.

It is just a whole combination of things that has caused this wobbly patch, but I'm hoping I will come out the other side as things improve.

OP posts:

Original poster

flanjabelle · 28/05/2016 07:53

Miyaki thank you. They are testing to see if these 'episodes' she has been having are some sort of cardiac event or a type of seizure. She has had an ecg, eeg, and now the 24 hour heart monitor. She seems OK, hasn't had any episodes in the last month, so they are seeing that as a positive thing, but at the same time telling us we may never know. We are on stand by to call 999 if she has an episode that lasts more than two minutes and she will be admitted to hospital. That isn't helping the anxiety I don't think, but I'm just trying to keep calm and trust the doctors.

OP posts:

MiyakoOdori · 28/05/2016 08:24

The fact they are taking it very seriously is great and you should take comfort in that.

I agree the Unknown is the worst thing when it comes to anxiety

Have you got any support for you atm?

GreatFuckability · 28/05/2016 08:37

I think you did the right thing, and I say that as someone who has left my sleeping children in the car whilst I've gone into a shop to buy an item. I think on a hot day for that amount of time its not the best idea.

BeverlyGoldberg · 28/05/2016 08:43

Look at it this way, what you did will probably stop her from doing it again when there may not have been people nearby to step in.

It might sound dramatic but you could have saved those children's lives.

Rest easy OP, if there were more people like you the world would be a nicer place for children.

Janecc · 28/05/2016 09:01

It can be very frightening when your child is ill. DD has Reflex Anoxic Seizures (also called Syncope instead of seizures). Her heart stops or slows to an imperceptible pace. Falls backwards to the floor instantly, stops breathing for 30 seconds or so, white, purple lipped, groggy when awakens, often has another soon after, then will sleep for 3 hours, very frightening. I hope they get to the bottom of what your DD has - just telling you about DD in case this is the same manifestation in your DD as its not a terribly well known medical condition.

As for you, sounds crap. I've done the NHS pain management. It's rubbish in my area and good in some areas I've heard. If you can afford to get private treatment, I would highly highly recommend it. I have chronic fatigue syndrome (ME) and fibromyalgia. The NHS physios wouldn't touch me, gave me some rubbish exercises. Hospital pain management went through various protocols, tens machine, Amitripline, then Pregablin. Tens machine helped but made me a distracted robot unable to look after DD, Amitripline made me really ill and then Pregablin. I was advised to take duloxetine at the same time as Pregablin (duloxetine is an antidepressant used for pain) and the combination sent me over the edge into CFS/ME.

As you are low, I would definitely think about going to the dr and getting some antidepressants to help you through. I was one for a couple of years and it really helped me with my mood (not pain as I couldn't take duloxetine). I would go to the GP and ask specifically for duloxetine. The now retired only professor of Physio in the NHS told me duloxetine (brand in uk = Yentreve) apparently blocks pain signals I can't remember in which direction - to or from the brain. So it may help you with the pain and mood. I took Pregablin to block pain in the opposite direction.

I get twice weekly physical treatment. I see a very very experienced, highly trained and knowledgeable massage therapist, who is trained in a lot of techniques as I find him better than any Physio. I also have Bowen therapy. If you can afford to get treatment, I would definitely recommend seeing someone privately. For pain Bowen therapy and Cranial osteopathy are very good - I've had both and they would be suitable for you. If you saw an osteopath, chiropractor or physio, I would be careful who I use. Often the ones attached to a holistic practice (not a beauty salon) are better as they're not in it for the big bucks or those not offiliated big time with private medical insurers as they tend to be larger and revolving door staff wise and only offer half hour appointments for the same price as full hour appointments elsewhere.

Relying on the NHS is awful for your issues. If you can afford to, I would really genuinely go and get the help on my own. I also have counselling privately and although I'm really ill, I'm so much better and would really have been left to rot by the NHS because they didn't know what to do with me. Good luck

Unicow · 28/05/2016 09:58

You did the right thing. You could easily have saved those kids lives. You did a good thing. It will be a word to say how dangerous it is.

If there are other issues they may be picked up and dealt with as well. If she did have a violent partner there may be evidence in the house. A home visit may be enough for her to break down and seek help. It's far more likely to be a good thing than a bad one for her and the kids.

Original poster

flanjabelle · 28/05/2016 10:03

Jane Thank you so much for taking the time to write such a detailed and helpful post. Unfortunately I cannot afford private treatment at all, so I am at the mercy of the NHS. It hasn't gone well so far :(

OP posts:

Unicow · 28/05/2016 10:10

Hope your health stuff gets sorted for you and your baby. The stress is making you overthink. You would have been far worse if you did nothing. Be kind to yourself

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