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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Called 999 today, now feeling guilty about the consequences.m

136 replies

flanjabelle · 27/05/2016 20:06

Today I was called over by two elderly ladies who were quite distressed. I had been walking down the road with dd and stopped to talk to them. They were upset because a car had two babies in it (one around 6 months, one around 18 months) in full sun and there were no parents.

I asked them how long they had been there and the ladies said over 5 minutes and no one had come to the car. The baby was in the back, screaming his little head off, and the toddler was in the front, both in full sun.

I looked around, no one was coming to the car, the shops are right down the other end of the street and no one was coming. I called 999 after being there for around 4 minutes. The police asked me what was happening and I had explained where we were and what was wrong. They were telling me someone was coming out to us as a woman came back to the car. One of the ladies asked her if it was her car, she said it was, and shouted at the elderly lady that she had only been in the bank. I told her she shouldn't leave her babies in the car alone, definitely not in this heat! (It was 25 degrees here this afternoon and very sunny.) The bank is around a hundred yards away, at the beginning of the road. She was parked on double yellow lines near the town car park, but not in it.

The police told me they could hear what was happening and told me to get the registration of the car. I did as the woman got in the car and roared off up the road at speed.

The police told me they had her address and would be going there to pay her a visit.

Now I'm pretty sure I did the right thing, but now I'm having wobbles about the knock on effect of this. She is going to get a ss referral now isn't she. Should I have waited longer? In total she would have been away from the car for at least 12-15 minutes if not more as I don't know how long she had been gone when the ladies noticed the babies alone.

After she left I spent a while comforting the ladies as they found it all very upsetting. I don't think they had mobile phones as they didn't seem to know what to do in the situation, they were just very upset to see the babies alone and one of them clearly distressed.

Aibu for what I did today? Does what she did justify the consequences that are going to happen now? Should I have just waited by the car? Just having a wobble now.

OP posts:

AgeOfEarthquakes · 27/05/2016 20:38

Leaving kids in the car while you dash in to pay for petrol is in no way comparable to the incident you witnessed though OP. You know that. You are not a hypocrite at all.

spiderlight · 27/05/2016 20:38

You absolutely did the right thing - well done.

tinyterrors · 27/05/2016 20:40

You definitely did the right thing op. I've stayed in the car in heat like you describe while my dh has gone to the cash machine, within five minute of us stopping I've had to open the door as it was unbearable with the windows shut.

The only way the mother would have been reasonable is if she was a pavement width away at a cash machine. Being the other end of the street in the bank was ridiculous, there's always a queue in the bank and she had no idea how long she'd have been.

Imo she knew she was in the wrong which is why she reacted the way she did.

Snoringlittlemonkey · 27/05/2016 20:40

It doesn't matter what her home life involves. She's an adult and she can make her own choices abour her life and what she puts up with. Those children can't. You may have saved their lives in the future.

I wish there were more people like you.

Stop beating yourself up, you absolutely did the right thing. She need consequences to pull her socks up.

Ihatechoosingnames · 27/05/2016 20:41

You leave your DD in the car to pay petrol, that's way different to leaving 2 babies in a car for up to 15 minutes on a hot day. Don't feel like a hypocrite because that is completely different. You 100% did the right thing. Any consequences are because of what the mother did: you were looking out for those babies.

Original poster

flanjabelle · 27/05/2016 20:41

OK I will put it to bed. Thank you for the reassurance. It may seem daft, but my anxiety is pretty bad at the minute and I'm worrying about everything. Thanks again.

OP posts:

littlemonkey5 · 27/05/2016 20:41

You did the right thing. Now, had you rushed to call the police without waiting, YmayhaveBU but you did give the mother a chance and quite a big one too.....

I'm a parent to leave my children to get a ticket, pay for fuel (we have a petrol station that also has a small Budgens so I can get a micro-shop too and still see DCs), but I wouldn't ever go into a shop that was away from the car and certainly wouldn't leave them for 15 minutes........

There's no point in thinking what might have happened in this situation, but focus on what DID happen. She parked on double yellows (always makes me angry when someone gets away with this!), she left her DCs in a hot car, she left her DCs in a car that she could not see from the building she was in, she left her DCs in the vehicle knowing that she might be away from them for an unknown period of time - in this case it was a whopping 15 minutes!! and she was then verbally abusive!

I know when I am waiting for my DH to come home and I have 5 screaming DCs who are going insane, 15 minutes might as well be an hour. When you are stressed and anxious, time seems to drag. I can't think how those poor babies must have felt, plus the heat!!!!

No, you did the right thing. At least she kicked off when you were on the phone to the police, if she is acting like that in public, imagine what she might be like behind closed doors!!

PoohBearsHole · 27/05/2016 20:41

I've left DS in my car when sleeping. in the heat. before you jump on me, car parked on a private driveway with me in full view. And the air con on. checked every 5 mins, with door to house open. in my defence he was TOTALLY safe, flat driveway, no incline, in fear and with all brakes on. he was a rubbish sleeper at the time and I was desperate for him to sleep! that still wasn't ok in my opinion even with all those factors. you did the right thing!

sallyfox · 27/05/2016 20:41

You did the right thing

Iknownuffink · 27/05/2016 20:42

Of course you did the right thing.

Now stop fretting.

PoohBearsHole · 27/05/2016 20:42

in gear hmm

AnotherPrickInTheWall · 27/05/2016 20:42

My DF reported a baby and toddler left in a parked car today. I understand nipping in to a corner shop for a loaf is acceptable, but however inconvenient it is to leave 2 infants while you do a big shop is not.

TheHobbitMum · 27/05/2016 20:44

Do not feel guilty anymore! You did good x

piccadillyline · 27/05/2016 20:45

Look at it this way: when paying for petrol today, I left my bag in the footwell of the car under my coat and nipped in and paid for petrol- no que, had right cash so I knew i'd only be 30 seconds max- I put my money on the counter, thanked and went on my way.

I wouldn't do that if I was leaving my car parked outside a bank, out of my sight and I was going to be even a few minutes.

So why on earth would someone think it was acceptable to do with a child- regardless of the heat. Sure it makes it more dangerous but if someone had left the car for more than a minute or so with a crying baby in the back then I would take necessary action.

MaisieDotes · 27/05/2016 20:45

You did the right thing. There's a Washington Post article about children left (unintentionally) in cars and having read it several years ago it still haunts me.

i won't link to it, it's a tough read.

UnderTheGreenwoodTree · 27/05/2016 20:47

Totally the right thing to do op.

HopperBusTicket · 27/05/2016 20:50

You did the right thing. Everyone here thinks so. I've had anxiety and I know that obsessive going over and over something in your head but please counter that with the evidence that everyone here thinks that you responded totally responsibly. It doesn't matter what her home circumstances are, you were acting on an immediate risk to the children. Leaving your child to pay for petrol is not remotely comparable. And even if it was you were still responding to a risk to those babies at that time.

goddessofsmallthings · 27/05/2016 20:50

If this neglectful mother has an abusive husband, she is highly unlikely to do anything that could arouse his ire such as leaving his dc unattended in a car on a warm day for any period of time.

As there's no reason to suppose that she was aware you made a note of her registration number as she drove off, it's also highly unlikely that she's having "panic attacks" or "dreading the knock on the door from the ss" which, in any event, won't happen until Tuesday at the earliest.

I hope that's put those two particular thoughts "to bed" and that you can now relax in the knowledge that you did absolutely the right thing in calling the police and that, as others have said, you may have saved those dc from being left out of sight and earshot of their dm, whether in a vehicle or a building, again.

Original poster

flanjabelle · 27/05/2016 20:51

Masie thank you, I think if I read something like that I would break down today. It didn't help today that my dd has been having some health issues at the minute and is wearing a 24 hour heart monitor and I have been finding it hard looking at my little girl today. She is precious every day, but seeing my two year old with a heart monitor on has broken my heart today. How can someone leave their precious children like that. I just want to wrap mine in cotton wool and take all the health stuff away from her, and this mother just left them all alone.

Sorry head is a mess today.

OP posts:

PoohBearsHole · 27/05/2016 20:51

Maisie CSI (can't remember which one) did an episode on something similar. parents deliberately left child in the car as they thought he had a life limiting illness. turned out he didn't. I am haunted by a fictional episode of child over heating in a car 😢. can't imagine reading the real thing!

Carriecakes80 · 27/05/2016 20:52

You did absolutely the right thing! There are so many dangers, let alone the over-heating, or choking, or anything could have happened! I hate even leaving my 5 & 8 yr olds in the garden on their own for long, let alone to go to the bank!
Believe me, you did completely the right thing, and if social services DO get involved, then the worst that can happen is that she will be shown clearly how to care for her children, they don't just swoop in and take them, but they will explain why what she did was dangerous. Although it scares me that someone obviously that stupid is driving a car. It doesn't take long at all for a child to over-heat, and they were obviously distressed, so give yourself a pat on the back! x

UnderTheGreenwoodTree · 27/05/2016 20:52

Here's the infomercial from the USA, if anyone wants to shed a tear this fine Friday night -

Marmalady75 · 27/05/2016 20:52

How would you have felt if you did nothing then heard on the news that the children had been harmed or even died? Of course you did the right thing! This woman will not have her children taken away from her over this, but they could have been permanently taken away if they overheated in that car and died.

Original poster

flanjabelle · 27/05/2016 20:53

Goddess she does know I took her reg, I walked to the front of the car to tell the police, and at this point she drove away very fast. I then had to repeat it to the officer as she was driving away.

OP posts:

Tohaveandtohold · 27/05/2016 20:58

You did the right thing. She was not been responsible leaving them in that situation

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