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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fucked off with dh about dd's ballet show?

127 replies

CatThiefkeith · 26/05/2016 19:00

Warning... Long rant coming!

Dd is 4, almost 5, and goes to a 30 minute ballet class on a Saturday morning. Dh takes her, because I work Saturdays - I literally have nothing to do with it.

Months ago dh mentioned that the whole dance academy (they do loads of different classes) were going to put on a show at the local theatre. Lovely.

2 weeks ago he gave me this Saturday's date and said I would need to book a ticket. It's at 7.30, he can't come because he has a gig. No problem.

Last Sunday I found the schedule. Dress rehearsal tomorrow at 5. (I finish at 5.30, as does he) she needs to be at the theatre in full make up. I've managed to find a mum whose child is also going who is willing to take dd. She is also going to pick her up from school instead of her going to after school club and do her make up. Brilliant. She will be home at 9.30. (She is usually in bed by 7)

Saturday she needs to be there for 5pm, and dh can drop her, I will pick her up, and again she will get home about 9.30pm, but the real killer is Sunday.

She is to be dropped at the theatre for 2pm, first show is at 3pm. Then she has to stay there and do another show at 7pm. She can take snacks, but nothing greasy, nothing hot, nothing with chocolate, no nuts, (fair enough) nothing that could mark her costume etc (including fruit) and no gadgets, eg iPad or DVD player.

I knew nothing at all about Sunday's shows, and the tickets are all sold out now, so nobody will be in the audience for her. Sad

Aibu to think this is too much to ask of a 4yo. She's only in one bloody song (out of about 20). Each performance is 2 hours long, plus all the waiting around, and no parents allowed in the dressing room.

Would I be completely unreasonable to feign an illness on the Sunday and have a lovely day doing something else with her? I'm working most of half term as it is, I only have the bank holiday weekend with her and she's going to be shut in the green room for most of it.

So cross with dh for not looking into it properly. 😡

OP posts:
pearlylum · 27/05/2016 21:40

OP so your 4 yo never has a late night ever? Not on holiday or christmas eve because she is too excited to sleep, or because it's bonfire night and she wants to watch the fireworks outside, or you are having a BBQ and it's light and warm?

Not impressed with chaperone Mum btw being on the verge of tears, no wonder the girls are tearful if their caregiver can't hold it together.

Original poster
CatThiefkeith · 27/05/2016 21:47

She's late 50's, bringing up her two grandchildren because their parents were killed in an accident 2 years ago but you judge away pearlymum

Dd has the odd late night, but is generally in bed by 7.30om. She's never had 3 in a row before no. Do yours then?

OP posts:
pearlylum · 27/05/2016 21:50

*She's late 50's, bringing up her two grandchildren because their parents were killed in an accident 2 years ago but you judge away pearlymum
*

What the fuck does that have to do with anything? You implied that she was tearful because the girls were having a late night- what are you trying to saddle me with?

Original poster
CatThiefkeith · 27/05/2016 22:01

It's the last Friday of term here, the kids (of all ages) are knackered, chaperone gran picked her dgd up plus grandson, fed them on the fly, picked dd up and had them all at the theatre by 4.10.

She then sat through 5 hours of rehearsals, with tired hungry kids, that over ran by over an hour, and you are doubting her UNPAID skills as a chaperone?

Up yours love. Dd goes to primary ballet for half an hour a week for a bit of fun. She's not dancing swan frigging lake!

OP posts:
pearlylum · 27/05/2016 22:13

She's not dancing swan frigging lake!

And by the sounds of your attitude won't ever, even if she wants to.

Only1scoop · 27/05/2016 22:56

I must admit Op I had to pay to watch dd appear as a ballet bunny in Alice in Wonderland 2 nights running. However the rehearsals for the Kinders/ year 1 were mainly during school day.

She was on for a few minutes ....couple of bunny hops, a skip and a nose pick. We were also allowed to take them home in interval. It was designed so the youngest were on first.

Sat through the whole 3 hours first night. Left half time the second.

Your weekend sounds hardcore

Tamesa · 27/05/2016 23:43

You are cross with your husband for being vague. Fair enough. But you would be totally unreasonable to pull a sickie on Sunday. Lots of little girls have been working very hard for this performance, including yours and in deciding that your daughter is not robust enough to cope with it you would be letting them all down and that is not fair.
My dd3 is a bunny in swan lake tomorrow, two performances. Dress rehearsal all afternoon today, it's a pain but she is so "half excited half nervous .... all those people" new tights, new shoes, ballet bun. It's all such an adventure for her because she is so little. It is the most important thing that she feels she has ever done and that is great. She will not be with people she doesn't know; she will be with her ballet teacher and she will be relying on her class mates for cues etc as they will be relying on her. No sympathy OP. You are suggesting buggering it up for little girls like mine because you and your dh did not communicate properly and that is not fair. You are also sticking two fingers up at people like me who have every intention of fulfilling the commitment they made months ago. And fwiw, the performance dd3 is in had not been the best organised (last minute organisational changes etc) but you roll with the punches and fwiw(2) lots of people have to work at half term (me included) that's just the way it is.

Balletgirlmum · 28/05/2016 00:03

I think yabu thigh your dh should have given you the info earlier.

The laws very recently changed though & under 5s are allowed to spend less time in the theatre than before. Locally dance schools are insisting they are collected at the interval on two show days.

It's pretty normal for parents to only attend on one day as well. Dd used to do a week run when she was at a local dance school. dress rehearsal Sunday, day off Monday then shows Tuesday - saturdsy.

RhiWrites · 28/05/2016 06:56

This is the kind of thing I'd expect from a serious dance class. OP, if it's too hard core you should pull her out of the class or not agree to shoes in the first place.

You can't pull a sickie because she'll shop you.
"Oh I wasn't ill but mum said it was too much work for us to go so we went to the park instead."

You have to suck it up this time and know for the future what kind of shows are expected.

pearlylum · 28/05/2016 08:22

Tamesa, I hope your DD has a good time today. Yes it is a huge thing for little ones, and rightly so, but I am sure she will enjoy every minute of it, tired or not. Afterwards she will feel an amazing sense of achievement, she has worked hard and should feel very proud of herself.

All members of my DDs dance school are hugely valued, whether they are 3 years old and starting off, or 17 and taking professional ballet qualifications.
All the students work hard and it's great for them to see their achievements recognised.

good luck to your DD.
Break a leg!

Basicbrown · 28/05/2016 09:41

It sounds normal to me. Dd has never worn makeup though as yet but that's my little bug bear Wink

My dd loves her ballet and dance and its an amazing opportunity to perform in a theatre. Yours is very young, perhaps she will perhaps she won't take to it. But they have been sensible doing it on a bank holiday weekend at least.

Unicow · 28/05/2016 11:04

Keith you have a boat, get yourself and your DD on it and tell them you cannot come tomorrow as you are literally not in this country....

I wouldn't send her tomorrow from what you've said. It is supposed to be fun. If she is desperate to go send her but to be honest if she doesn't want to don't make her.

Original poster
CatThiefkeith · 28/05/2016 12:24

Unicow Shock how did you guess? If she doesn't go tomorrow that is exactly how we will be spending the day. Grin

OP posts:
BigChocFrenzy · 28/05/2016 12:42

Do NOT pull a sickie.
The organisers need as much notice as possible. You owe them that.
Why do so many threads think the only possibilities are : a) lie b) suck it up ?
What is wrong with telling the truth ?

Just explain what you posted: you didn't realise there was a Sunday performance, neither of you can attend and you think your DD would be miserable.
They won't want to cope with a very small child in tears, or screaming.

Tell the organisers and then have a lovely day out.

BigChocFrenzy · 28/05/2016 12:47

Noone can force you to send your child.

Janecc · 28/05/2016 13:08

She's 4. She's not a dancing superstar. The performance isn't important it's the taking part. They're a dance troup - a team. I would be very annoyed with dh for not getting the facts straight. She will probably have a ball and yes, the bigger girls will mother the little ones.

DD's dance school did 4 shows this year they had to be there from 12.30 - 9.30 two days in a row. 2pm and 7pm performances. Baby ballet included. The parents had to be there backstage to dress/undress the children as they were in a minum of 6 dances and chaperones wouldn't have coped. I would love to have left them to deal with it all tbh. The little 3/4 yr old children actually coped much better than the 7/8 year olds, who my DD included turned into terrible divas by the end ❤️.

If your DD is confident enough to be left by herself, she will want to attend and will have loads of fun with her friends. It doesn't matter if no one will be watching her. If it's important to her to be watched and makes her feel better, then I'd say I'd managed to get a ticket right at the back.

Original poster
CatThiefkeith · 28/05/2016 22:22

Well that went well. Dd was sick backstage and a tapdancer stood on her finger in the finale. It's a horrible colour and she is in floods of tears. Sad

OP posts:
Only1scoop · 28/05/2016 22:24

Bloody hell

Gets you off next shift though Wink

Only1scoop · 28/05/2016 22:25

Bloody hell

Gets you off next shift though Wink

Original poster
CatThiefkeith · 28/05/2016 23:54

I've a horrible feeling karma is going to get me. Tomorrow looks like no boating and cuddles on the sofa.

I'm on the 3rd pyjama change.

OP posts:
GColdtimer · 29/05/2016 12:35

Not all children "have a ball" backstage for 8 hours without someone they know. Some children are really shy, some don't make friends and join in easily, some chaperones are a bit crap. Some children cope well with late nights etc, some don't. DD1 would have been fine and had a ball at 4/5, DD2 would have hated it.

Hope your DD is better soon cat.

Tamesa · 01/06/2016 22:16

Pearlylum
Thank you. She had a fabulous time.... She beamed the whole way through the performance and thoroughly thoroughly enjoyed herself. This is the biggest thing she feels she has ever achieved and she can't wait for the DVD. Yes she was tired, but no one ever died of a late night.
DS2 could have been in the performance but chose not to be... She is gutted and feels she made a mistake because her sister had do much fun.
I am sorry it all went wrong for the op due to other issues, sometime you need to be careful what you wish for!

whois · 01/06/2016 22:45

I think this is way too much for such a small child. Sounds v poorly thought out with timing for the little ones and not acceptable to over run by an hour.

Not all children cope with late nights - I never did. I would just fall asleep wherever we were at about 7.30, restaurant, theater, party, dance show., wherever... My parents hated it, very limiting to the family life!

I had a dance show when I was in reception. It was 4 late nights in a row. It was horrible and I ended up being in tears and being so over tired. That was the end of dance for me. I wasn't any good anyway.

whois · 01/06/2016 22:46

I'm on the 3rd pyjama change.

Oh no OP! Hope she makes a recovery.

FlorisApple · 02/06/2016 02:29

God, this whole thing is completely nuts. Thank you, though OP. I was about to enrol my DD 4.5 in ballet, but I'm definitely not now. There seems to be a complete lack of perspective on what is appropriate! Give your DD a cuddle. Hope she is better again soon!