To be fucked off with dh about dd's ballet show?

[CatThiefkeith]

Warning... Long rant coming!

Dd is 4, almost 5, and goes to a 30 minute ballet class on a Saturday morning. Dh takes her, because I work Saturdays - I literally have nothing to do with it.

Months ago dh mentioned that the whole dance academy (they do loads of different classes) were going to put on a show at the local theatre. Lovely.

2 weeks ago he gave me this Saturday's date and said I would need to book a ticket. It's at 7.30, he can't come because he has a gig. No problem.

Last Sunday I found the schedule. Dress rehearsal tomorrow at 5. (I finish at 5.30, as does he) she needs to be at the theatre in full make up. I've managed to find a mum whose child is also going who is willing to take dd. She is also going to pick her up from school instead of her going to after school club and do her make up. Brilliant. She will be home at 9.30. (She is usually in bed by 7)

Saturday she needs to be there for 5pm, and dh can drop her, I will pick her up, and again she will get home about 9.30pm, but the real killer is Sunday.

She is to be dropped at the theatre for 2pm, first show is at 3pm. Then she has to stay there and do another show at 7pm. She can take snacks, but nothing greasy, nothing hot, nothing with chocolate, no nuts, (fair enough) nothing that could mark her costume etc (including fruit) and no gadgets, eg iPad or DVD player.

I knew nothing at all about Sunday's shows, and the tickets are all sold out now, so nobody will be in the audience for her.

Aibu to think this is too much to ask of a 4yo. She's only in one bloody song (out of about 20). Each performance is 2 hours long, plus all the waiting around, and no parents allowed in the dressing room.

Would I be completely unreasonable to feign an illness on the Sunday and have a lovely day doing something else with her? I'm working most of half term as it is, I only have the bank holiday weekend with her and she's going to be shut in the green room for most of it.

So cross with dh for not looking into it properly. 😡

I have a ticket right at the back for the Saturday, but not for the two Sunday performances.

Surely they would have a contingency plan for illness when dealing with such young children? Chickenpox is rife here at the moment for example.

run! run for the hills!

My DD is the same age and there is no way whatsoever I would leave her for 7 hours without anyone she knows. She would be way to distraught to cope.

Ice thank you, I was worried I was being pfb but she really is still very young

My dd2 is 4 and does ballet and tap. I didn't put her forward for the show this year as I think it's too much and she's not bothered anyway. But the dance school are very firm on the fact that if you sign them up for it then you're in it for the duration because it really stuffs things up if you take them out.

DD had her first show last year just after she'd turned 3. It was Saturday/ Sunday, rehearsal sat morning, one show Saturday night and 2 on Sunday.

We skipped the Sunday morning show and just went to the evening. No one ever mentioned it.

I've just received the email with the details for this years show, we'll be skipping the matinee again this time too. It's all a bit much.

I didn't sign her up. Bastard dh did.

What does your DH think? If he's been in charge of this all along then surely it's up to him to arrange to be there and think about her food and so on?

Yabu. This was standard set up for all the ballet school shows I did growing up. Children three years upwards coped and loved the experience. I remember how fun it was the gap from one show to the next as well.

I can't believe so many people are happy to fake illness. She shouldn't be in the show full stop if you can't commit to all of it.

Deffo a sickie on the Sunday. IME the kids at that age run around in an ad hoc manner on the stage so you won;t be messing up routines. DD2 did the dying fly at one point aged 3.

Take her out. Our dance school never had the little ones doing two shows a day. She is too young to be left for that length of time without someone she knows. Do the Saturday, pull a sickie on Sunday.

Dh swears he thought it was only one show, on the Saturday. I believe him tbh, but if it was me I would have wanted all the details before committing.

He's so laid back he's virtually horizontal.

And he is working all of bank holiday weekend, so can't sort the food etc unfortunately.

I chaperone for two organisations a dance school and a semi professional musical theatre group.
Dance school bat shit crazy long rehearsals which actually contravene children performance regulations, but they get away with it by claims it's cirriculum they also don't have to get performance licenced. None of the chaperones are introduced before hand. Children wear make to theatre etc. Giving the kids back is chaos no proper organisation.
Musical theatre group much better on the longer days we have a two hour break between performances where we take the children outside and play for 45 mins and then have pizzas. All chaperones have been introduced several weeks before hand and there are performance licences etc. All make up is applied by experience theatre make up chaperones and thoroughly removed before they leave. Well organised return of children in controlled manner.

I would suggest you look up performance regulations for under 8s.

YANBU. I have a friend whose 4 y/o was in a dance show last year. Afternoon and evening performance - the poor wee buggers were white with tiredness by the time they got finished at 10:30pm having been there since midday...

Well it's his problem and his decision to sort out, really. If he's working and can't do any of it then he needs to tell the organisers that.

It'd be a no from me without an adult. Can't they squeeze you in?

I would have her out of that, it sounds like a complete waste of time. Pull her out and go to the seaside or something. Hobbies are supposed to be fun.

YABU Speaking as a graduate of kids' ballet classes with dd from the age of 4-17, she will have an absolute ball! The show is the highlight of their year, and exams aside, it's what they spend the entire year working towards.
I understand your concerns, but she'll be with kids she knows from ballet and they generally keep each other entertained.
As for food, when they say nothing greasy, they really mean to not give them things like a cold pork pie! Whatever you would give her for a regular packed lunch would probably be auitable.
Please don't pull a sickie, she reply will miss out on something that the majority of kids love-and the wee ones really are one of the highlights of the show

I think it's funny that people think the number will be ruined if OP's DD isn't in it.

Have you seen baby tap/ ballet? They either stand starring into space, cry, pick their nose or run around like headless chickens while the dance teacher desperately tries to get them dance from the side of the stage.

(Not my DD though, she was amazing )

It's really not that big a deal, just do what you can OP.

In the circumstances you describe, I would pull a sickie for Sunday most definitely.

It's not the flipping National Ballet, I m sure they will manage without your DD. I'd email them now so they can make arrangements.

Hate to say it but this par for the course. However if the show is open to public they should need a performance licence and there should be a minimum break out of the theatre between matinee and evening performances. At that age there are limited hours for a public performance , including rehearsals on stage, on a particular day and within a week. You might like to politely enquire if this applies...

just email and say u got confused through your dh about the sunday peformances and you feel its too much to be ther for 7 hours

i dont ballet from 5 didnt do my first show till 7 though

I am generally very keen to say 'if you commit to a hobby you should stick with all of it' but that performance schedule sounds insane for 4 yos, and upwards of that too. It sounds pretty similar to the rules and time taken up by the school show I was in at 14, and we were all bored shitless backstage at that too (no iPads in those days though ). I would plead illness on the Sunday and have a day out instead. It's quite possible it will be true enough in that she will be flat out exhausted by Sunday after several late nights.

Afraid this is not very helpful but my dd was in one of these, all the grace of a young elephant indeed, but absolutely loved it and went on to develop a permanent infatuation with the theatre to the point where she is now auditioning for the major drama schools and spending all her leisure time on am-dram. Perhaps time to be exercising a little caution, OP

Don't remember boredom backstage being a major problem: the chaperones did a very good job of keeping them entertained.

I would explain to the school that she will just do the matinee as she is too young and 7 hours is too long. Unless your DD has a major part I can't imagine it matters whether she is there or not.