To be fucked off with dh about dd's ballet show?

[CatThiefkeith]

Warning... Long rant coming!

Dd is 4, almost 5, and goes to a 30 minute ballet class on a Saturday morning. Dh takes her, because I work Saturdays - I literally have nothing to do with it.

Months ago dh mentioned that the whole dance academy (they do loads of different classes) were going to put on a show at the local theatre. Lovely.

2 weeks ago he gave me this Saturday's date and said I would need to book a ticket. It's at 7.30, he can't come because he has a gig. No problem.

Last Sunday I found the schedule. Dress rehearsal tomorrow at 5. (I finish at 5.30, as does he) she needs to be at the theatre in full make up. I've managed to find a mum whose child is also going who is willing to take dd. She is also going to pick her up from school instead of her going to after school club and do her make up. Brilliant. She will be home at 9.30. (She is usually in bed by 7)

Saturday she needs to be there for 5pm, and dh can drop her, I will pick her up, and again she will get home about 9.30pm, but the real killer is Sunday.

She is to be dropped at the theatre for 2pm, first show is at 3pm. Then she has to stay there and do another show at 7pm. She can take snacks, but nothing greasy, nothing hot, nothing with chocolate, no nuts, (fair enough) nothing that could mark her costume etc (including fruit) and no gadgets, eg iPad or DVD player.

I knew nothing at all about Sunday's shows, and the tickets are all sold out now, so nobody will be in the audience for her.

Aibu to think this is too much to ask of a 4yo. She's only in one bloody song (out of about 20). Each performance is 2 hours long, plus all the waiting around, and no parents allowed in the dressing room.

Would I be completely unreasonable to feign an illness on the Sunday and have a lovely day doing something else with her? I'm working most of half term as it is, I only have the bank holiday weekend with her and she's going to be shut in the green room for most of it.

So cross with dh for not looking into it properly. 😡

Yanbu to be annoyed that you were only given half the information by your DH.

Yabu to consider not letting her do Sunday. She will survive.

Probably love it.

I can't see the problem here. This is completely standard for dance shows.
The kids love the experience and she's nearly five! My youngest did one at 3 and coped just fine. Like you I was nervous about it, but the dance school reassured me and I'm glad I didn't pull her out. One thing you could do is take her home after she dances and not wait around for the finale.
Yes she will be tired on Monday but it's bank holiday! She can sleep in and have the rest of half term to recover.
I think you're being U and a little bit pfb too I'm afraid.

Whistle there's not much point in doing that - her dance is in the second half anyway, if she's going to be there until half past 8 she might as well stay on until 9 and be in the finale.

I am absolutely fine with the dress rehersal tonight, the performance on Saturday and even the Matinee on Sunday. I just think that 2pm - 9pm for the sake of 20 mins on stage is a bit too much.

And just to be clear, even though it is a ballet class, she's not actually doing ballet in this show. I'm not telling you what the song is because you will laugh but it is basically a 'dance through the decades' show and dd is performing a 60's number, which seems to consist of her running up an down a bit.

Witchend Fri 27-May-16 08:41:30

"At 4yo I think they're going to be breaking the law on how long she can be at the theatre. I suspect they may be breaking it for the 5-16yos too if they haven't got a decent break between the two. Check your local council site for children in employment/entertainment."

Surely the law does not apply to children who are doing this as an extra-curricular activity rather than for a paying audience? These children are not "in employment/entertainment": they are having a weekend of extra-curricular activity and showing off for doting parents and grandparents. Plenty of youth theatres/ballet schools have all day activities at half term: this is an extension of that, not a commercial enterprise.

I agree with corythatwas
In days past this would have been called a ballet recital, basically a chance for the children to show to parents etc what they'd been learning all term. Yes there will be a charge for a ticket because shows cost money to put on, but certainly In the case of the dance schools dd attended there was no profit, any funds left once costs were covered went to charity-and this was always very open.
For those speaking about performance permits etc, I think it's getting a bit OTT to apply this to these kind of shows, they are for children who are performing in professional type shows so that children are not missing education or being exploited-I hardly think this is relevant to a once a year show!

However OP YANBU about DH not passing on the information

SheSparkles I doubt they are making a loss - I've paid £25 for the costume (which is too big) and another £15 for my ticket. (£17.50 if you count the booking fee)

Each performance is sold out, and the chaperones are all volunteers, so I imagine they have made a decent profit.

The expectations on the Sunday - and IMO also the late night on the Saturday - are completely inappropriate for most 4 year olds. No feigning illness needed, I would just be telling them that DD wouldn't be joining them on Sunday.
DS had an end of year dance show like this last summer also aged 4 - but it was in the afternoon and there was just the one show. Bit of a practice in the morning, and the pre-school class were on at the start then joined their parents in the audience to watch as much of the rest as they wanted, sitting on knees. That was quite enough!

Yabu to pull her out this close to performance. Have to say I really have never met these 4 tr olds who can't cope with a chge on routine, the odd late night etc...

Given that they do these shows regularly I'd imagine they're well able to keep kids entertained etc.

Once tickets are sold to an event it becomes subject to all the licensing restrictions that would fall on a professional show (ergo the obvious solution is not to charge for tickets but to include it in the cost of the lessons or similar). I say this as someone who had to do a last minute dash to become a licensed chaperone (go on course run by council and dbs check) once it became clear that this would indeed apply.

It did all seem a but OTT but I actually found it quite useful, having been on the course. Assuming all the chaperones are licensed they'll be well aware of break timings, length of time they can be at the theatre etc. It was made very clear to us that it was our responsibility to look out for the welfare of the children not the dance school.

DD did this when she was 4 and was exhausted but loved it and looked forward to doing it again the next year. Think she took sandwiches, a few jelly babies, cucumber and water. The chaperones were fab and the children entertained each other. I did wonder if it was too long for her, but it would have been far more disruptive and upsetting for her for kids to be constantly dropped off and picked up.

We went and it was amazing! Ours sold out too, but there was a DVD for parents to buy too so everyone could see it.

So yes agree with those who say YANBU to be v annoyed with DH, but YWBVU to pull her out this close to the date after she, her friends and especially the teachers have put in so much hard work and are relying on her - they'll all have set positions to stand, know who they are next to etc to prepare them and help with nerves.

Some schools use the grey area of the licence where if they make the show part of their curriculum they get round licensing regulations. Even if they sell tickets if they only cover their costs they can just get away with this. Even some of big performing arts schools use this loop hole.

Hiring the theatre for an entire weekend probably cost thousands, I don't think any dance school makes a profit out of these shows.

I was thinking the same as Whistle. Dd is in a couple of am-dram groups and hiring a venue is a massive outlay; they are always terrified of not covering their costs.

Also if they use any modern material and have to pay a fee; perhaps more of a problem with plays, though I imagine it could cover some music as well. If you have to put up with a crap play written by the organisers on the back of a beer mat, there is usually a reason for that.

Just call the school and tell her you want to pick her up early.

There is no difference in the law between children performing professionally and amateur. Although that seems silly, and it does put companies off having under 16s, the reality is that if they did make a distinction it would just be a loophole people would use to get children to do more, and ultimately children could be put at risk.

I have to admit I am occasionally inwardly rolling eyes when I have a bunch of sensible 15yos I have to escort to the toilet, or I can't allow one to go round the corner (out of sight). However this same legislation means that I am able to tell the director that they are finishing now because they legally have to, a dance is potentially unsafe and must be changed, the children must have a break now... Etc.
If there wasn't the legality then the children could be in the position of the director saying "well we'll just go through one more time" at midnight before a school day. And I could appeal to them, but not stop it if they insisted.

Dance schools fo seem to consider they count as school performances ( which aren't under the legalities) but actually they should be. The fact the audience is entirely proud friends and relatives is irrelevant.

I wonder if they can get round the restrictions by it being not for profit (cover cost of theatre and remainder being funds.

I'm just thinking that when I worked in pro theatre our kids only arrived an hour or so before the show unless it was a school day and the tutor was in. They were either home or in the hotel out of that time and the littlest never did two shows.

Infact I know some shows where the littlest kids didn't always do curtain call especially if not in later section of the show.

Like someone else I thought once it became ticketed same rules applied.
Particularly so if tickets were potentially to general public.

Obviously they came in for rehearsals and stuff too. But usually earlier in day and home/hotel in-between.

2 x 2 hour shows on a Sunday then sitting about in between? Nah - I cba Id pull a sickie. She's only 4 she can do this a couple of years down the line. Its not the be all and end all even if some parents may think it is. I had this nonsense when DD did ballet at this age and I did pull out if necessary. She's 19 now done with all her ballet exams and all got her HND Performing Arts grade today at 2pm - Distinction * so Im a real happy bunny right now sitting here with mid-afternoon and I don't care! No voice of ominous doom came down to remind me because she'd missed a few shows 15 years ago, everything would come crashing down around her ears...

Enjoy a nice day out with DD on Sunday OP or if you do decide to go to the show then help out backstage as a previous PP suggested at least that way you'll get to spend some time together

Sadly helping out backstage is not an option. Parents have been advised of that.

Tickets are on general sale through the theatres web site btw.

I think I will go tomorrow night - assess whether or not her attendance is actually necessary, and then decide from there.

The weather looks ok for Sunday here, but Monday it is going to rain. That may also influence her/my decision.

I have chaperoned at professional productions my DC have appeared in. DD2 was 5 and 6 weeks when she performed in Jesus Christ Superstar last year. I was not chaperoning her and DSZ as I was at a different theatre in a different town chaperoning DD1!

The chaperones will be used to dealing with little ones, they have their friends there and the bigger ones are usually great with the tiddlers

The suggestion to send in a dressing gown is good, it can either go over the costume, or the costume can come off to be replaced by the dressing gown.

You could send in some colouring, but only pencils with it (no felt tips near costumes) or at her age, perhaps a dolly.

She will love it. Seeing my 5year old step on stage, hold the hand of the show's star and skip around the stage with a rapt expression shows how much she loves her hobby

Standard for a dance show. Dd's dance school won't let them be in it until age 5/6. Then done every 2 years. Only licensed by the council chaperones help (I am one) had to do online safeguarding course, dbs and have an interview. Send in something to cover her outfit like a dressing gown and water to drink. Before half term seems a sensible time to do it as no need for early start Monday. The chaperones will play games and take colouring etc for the little ones. Do make sure her shoes etc are labelled. If she is too tired Sunday let her miss but if you have signed up I think you should let her go it if upto it. Last night is often most fun.

If you are thinking to not let her take part it would be far kinder to pull out now and let the other kids rehearse without her so they don't have to adjust to her absence on the day!

When did all this become standard for a weekly class? It used to be a little show they put on for the parents in the class room.

It sounds like the teachers are frustrated performers and its got totally out of hand. I could understand it when they have passed some grades, but all that sounds totally OTT.

EveryoneElsie many dance schools do a regular big show at a theatre. It serves many purposes.
It allows the whole school to perform together some dance schools are large, it gives dancers something big and exciting to work towards, they will often practice for months. Dance is a performing art after all,
All parents love to watch their children dance,whether they are cute 4 year olds or very adept 17 year olds on pointe.
If gives the dance school a platform to showcase its work, especially being able to show what the older children can do, it's very encouraging for the younger dancers and their parents to see what level can be reached.
My DD has danced for 12 years at the same dance school, now one of the six or so most senior dancers in a school of 450 dancers. I have watched many shows and helped backstage numerous times.
The school hires a theatre that seats 500 of an audience and will do 3 or 4 shows over a weekend.
In my experience the younger dancers are usually beside themselves with excitement over such a big event. Older dancers help the younger ones, and the community backstage is lovely. Little ones are looked after, entertained with colouring books and games, and plenty down time. I watch their little eyes sparkle with stardust.
yes it is a late night, but a magical experience.

Dd has just got home, from the dress rehearsal that finished at 8.30.

Chaperone mum (actually gran, but irrelevant) looked on the verge of tears. Her child, and mine, are both so tired they are tearful.