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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fucked off with dh about dd's ballet show?

127 replies

CatThiefkeith · 26/05/2016 19:00

Warning... Long rant coming!

Dd is 4, almost 5, and goes to a 30 minute ballet class on a Saturday morning. Dh takes her, because I work Saturdays - I literally have nothing to do with it.

Months ago dh mentioned that the whole dance academy (they do loads of different classes) were going to put on a show at the local theatre. Lovely.

2 weeks ago he gave me this Saturday's date and said I would need to book a ticket. It's at 7.30, he can't come because he has a gig. No problem.

Last Sunday I found the schedule. Dress rehearsal tomorrow at 5. (I finish at 5.30, as does he) she needs to be at the theatre in full make up. I've managed to find a mum whose child is also going who is willing to take dd. She is also going to pick her up from school instead of her going to after school club and do her make up. Brilliant. She will be home at 9.30. (She is usually in bed by 7)

Saturday she needs to be there for 5pm, and dh can drop her, I will pick her up, and again she will get home about 9.30pm, but the real killer is Sunday.

She is to be dropped at the theatre for 2pm, first show is at 3pm. Then she has to stay there and do another show at 7pm. She can take snacks, but nothing greasy, nothing hot, nothing with chocolate, no nuts, (fair enough) nothing that could mark her costume etc (including fruit) and no gadgets, eg iPad or DVD player.

I knew nothing at all about Sunday's shows, and the tickets are all sold out now, so nobody will be in the audience for her. Sad

Aibu to think this is too much to ask of a 4yo. She's only in one bloody song (out of about 20). Each performance is 2 hours long, plus all the waiting around, and no parents allowed in the dressing room.

Would I be completely unreasonable to feign an illness on the Sunday and have a lovely day doing something else with her? I'm working most of half term as it is, I only have the bank holiday weekend with her and she's going to be shut in the green room for most of it.

So cross with dh for not looking into it properly. 😡

OP posts:
Onlyicanclean10 · 26/05/2016 20:30

Agree with ice she's 4!! I wouldn't bother with any show at that age unless it was 30 mins and a time to suit the family.

dodobookends · 26/05/2016 20:34

If you decide to skip the Sunday, please let the dance school know she won't be going. There is nothing like a child missing out of the dressing-room during a head-count and one costume too many on the peg to induce instant panic among parent chaperones!

sue51 · 26/05/2016 20:34

My DDs did ballet from 3 to 18 and loved all their shows.It was a complete pain for me but they had a whale of a time and didn't mind all the hanging around. They are all grown up now and still talk about those shows with great affection

kitkat1968 · 26/05/2016 20:37

At my DDs schools, the evening performances only had a fraction of the under 7s that were in the afternoon shows.

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeG0es · 26/05/2016 20:37

Handwash - not at our dance school they don't. There's a teacher or senior on stage as part of the dance and the dancers perform a proper routine.

pearlylum · 26/05/2016 20:41

It does seem insensitive towards a 4 y olds needs, most dance schools will make an effort to make sure little ones perform in only one of the shows, matinee only, picked up at interval etc.

Having said that it goes with the territory. I have lost count of the number of sick days I have allowed my DD off after shows.
But she has had a ball.
She now does 19 hours of classes a week outside school. I have to fit my working hours around her dance classes.

FarAwayHills · 26/05/2016 20:47

I'm surprised that the dance school and chaperones want the responsibility of such little ones for a whole day.

Original poster
CatThiefkeith · 26/05/2016 20:47

I think part of the issue is that dd is summer born. Most of the others in her class are 5, some are 6 in September/October. It's a big difference at that age.

OP posts:
bakeoffcake · 26/05/2016 20:49

I'd pull a sickie on the Sunday.

When DD1 was 4 and in a very similar situation, I made the mistake of being honest and telling the Ballet teacher that Dd wouldn't beable to do the two shows on the Sunday as it was far too much for her and she had school the next day! I was given a cat bums face and told it was the opportunity of a lifetime! I didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

DD is 25 now and has, thankfully had much more fulfilling opportunities than dancing on a stage for the 4th time in a provincial theatre.

Just have a lovely lazy day on the Sunday.

Originalfoogirl · 26/05/2016 20:50

There is absolutely no way I'd have a four year old performing a show til 8 pm. It's way past their bedtime. And unless she is the lead performer, I doubt she'll be missed. What would they do if she was genuinely ill? Cancel the performance?

At a push, if she were in some kind of drama school and she was hugely talented and it as something she was aiming at as a career then maybe I'd say they could be more strict, but I think they are being wholly unreasonable to expect a four year old to do this.

I took my seven year old to see a show at the weekend. It started when she would normally be getting ready for bed. She coped well but you could tell she was really tired. And we had taken it really easy all day.

pearlylum · 26/05/2016 20:52

*DD is 25 now and has, thankfully had much more fulfilling opportunities than dancing on a stage for the 4th time in a provincial theatre.
*

That's a very narrow attitude. dancing has been an amazing opportunity for my DD. I have watched her grow and blossom though dance.
It has been the most incredible jpurney for her.

Original poster
CatThiefkeith · 26/05/2016 21:00

original it finishes at 9, not 8, and the theatre is half an hour away, so she will be home 9.30 at the earliest. Probably nearer 10 tbh Sad

OP posts:
bakeoffcake · 26/05/2016 21:01

It's not a narrow attitude at all, it's the opposite in fact. I think going to university and travelling abroad were more "opportunities of a lifetime" than dancing on a stage when she was 4.

Boiing · 26/05/2016 21:01

It's too much to ask of a 4 year old. Crazy timings. Yes it may inconvenience others if she isn't there on Sunday, but they shouldn't have such a stupid set up. One day with lots of hanging around, poor meals and late night is a bit rubbish but 2 days is crazy, no way would I allow my child to be put through that at age 4. It was bad enough when I was age 15!

corythatwas · 26/05/2016 21:07

bakeoffcake Thu 26-May-16 21:01:01

"It's not a narrow attitude at all, it's the opposite in fact. I think going to university and travelling abroad were more "opportunities of a lifetime" than dancing on a stage when she was 4."

I think you'd struggle to get my dd to see that pov Grin

bakeoffcake · 26/05/2016 21:19

I would like to point out that my comment was only in reply to the Dance teacher who said my dd missing one performance at age 4 was disappointing as "it was the opportunity of a lifetime".

I really can't believe anyone would agree with her analysis of missing one performance at 4 years old.

HandWash · 26/05/2016 21:20

Whoknows

There was a 'proper routine' for DD as well. But the children were aged 2-5, adorable chaos Smile

I've not seen any complex formations that a child would be missed from.

froubylou · 26/05/2016 21:39

You might be surprised Keith. DD did a stint at dance lessons at a similar age. Same sort of schedule. The older kids tend to mother the younger ones. The younger ones worship the older dancers and they all get really hyper and giddy. She will be knackered the next day but will soon bounce right back.

DD has also done horse shows from being the same age. Generally we were ul and out the house at 6am and might not get home until 6pm. A full day of classes plus being outside meant a good kip was had that night but she was always right as rain the next day and happily off to school usually clutching a handful of grubby rosettes.

I have a photo on the wall of dd and dpony. DD was just 5. Her jodhpurs were slightly too big, her pig tails were coming loose and she is missing her front teeth. She has her shirt unturned and her tie is skewiff. And an ice cream stain on her waistcoat we had scrubbed with wet wipes and dpony has a gob full of grass. I love that photo so much and although we were really tired at the end of the day we had a fabulous time.

She will love it. And if she doesn't then don't do it again!

Original poster
CatThiefkeith · 27/05/2016 07:28

I'd feel less concerned if she was going to a gymkhana to be honest. At least then she could have something decent to eat without worrying about her costume and wouldn't be shut up in a windowless room for seven hours plus.

OP posts:
MrsSparkles · 27/05/2016 07:39

I can only see it really being a problem if they're paired up or similar for the dance. My DD who's just turned 5 recently did a show with her dance school - it was 2 matinee's over a weekend, so not as long as yours. I have to say she was exhausted at the end of it, and we've made some suggestions that might make it easier for the younger ones next year but there isn't a huge amount that can be done differently.

They were paired up for their dances so it would have been a real pain if someone was missing.

I was also chaperoning one of the days, and I didn't see any of the children getting upset etc, they were all really excited, we took lots of things for them to do.

If it won't affect the dance maybe see how she feels the Sunday morning - she may be desperate to go again, she may have had enough. But second letting the academy know either way.

Hope she enjoys herself!

MrsSparkles · 27/05/2016 07:41

Oh, but you're NBU to have expected your DH to have found out all the details before agreeing Grin

Cocochoco · 27/05/2016 07:55

My dd did this and absolutely loved it. Can't remember if it was quite So late though. I'd let her do the Sunday matinee and then pick her up. In the last show dd did most of the small ones left before the evening performance.

Witchend · 27/05/2016 08:41

At 4yo I think they're going to be breaking the law on how long she can be at the theatre. I suspect they may be breaking it for the 5-16yos too if they haven't got a decent break between the two. Check your local council site for children in employment/entertainment.

The chaperones should be trained as chaperones, not just dbs checked. However a lot of dance schools ignore this.

PinguForPresident · 27/05/2016 08:51

At 4, nearly 5y/o she'll be in pre-primary, rather than pre-school ballet, so it's standard to stay for the whole show and perform in the evening as well as matinees.

I'm a licensed chaperone: we know what we're doing entertaining the littlies. Honestly, they have a ball: the excitement of costumes, hair and makeup,bright lights and having all their friends around them will keep them happy and awake no matter how tired you think they'd be.

Taking your daughter out at this stage is very U. It'll make you "That" parent. If you'd said all along that she'd only do 1 performance that'd be a different matter - the teacher could have worked around it. Your daughter isn;t being asked to do anything out of the ordinary for dancing, the problem is the lack of communication from your husbnad.

PuppyMonkey · 27/05/2016 08:58

This why DD dropped out of ballet. Only difference is she was expected to do a week of performances in TERM TIME. So school next day. And the bastard weekend rehearsals we had to PAY for. And the massively stupid costume they had to buy from one dedicated supplier. Argh. Bad memories.

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