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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wake up DH at 10am even though he was up until 5am?

58 replies

topazmilk · 25/05/2016 09:34

I heard him creeping up the stairs at 5am. He loves staying up late and it's a constant source of tension between us as I'm up with the baby by 6am-7am every day. He's on annual leave and I was looking forward to a family day!

I slept in baby's room, went to bed at 10pm and was up from 11pm-12:30 then again 4am-5am, up for day at 7am! So I clocked up quite a bit of sleep for once. This is after weeks of getting 4-5 hours a night (sleep regression!)

WIBU to wake DH up at 10am with a cooked breakfast and pretend I don't know what time he came to bed?

OP posts:

DoinItFine · 25/05/2016 09:35

He should be cooking you a breakfast after your lie in.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 25/05/2016 09:36

You would not be unreasonable. Don't let him languish in bed and waste the day for you all.

Tinofsardines · 25/05/2016 09:38

I do this with my OH. It's not upto you to police his bedtime so just get him up for the day as usual.

If hes not had enough sleep then that's his worry.

Enjoy your family day!!

HermioneJeanGranger · 25/05/2016 09:39

YANBU at all. He's on holiday from work, not from being a parent. If he wants to stay up until 5am, that's fine, but not when he uses it as a reason to opt out of parenting the next day.

If he can't handle staying up until 5am and parenting the following day, he needs to be an adult and go to bed earlier.

NeedACleverNN · 25/05/2016 09:39

Do it!

If he moans just tell him he should have gone to bed earlier

SouperSal · 25/05/2016 09:45

Why wait till 10am?

Bragadocia · 25/05/2016 09:46

People do need to take responsibility for getting enough sleep (insomnia sufferers aside), and I say this as someone who is guilty of staying up late too often myself. The problem is though, is that it might impact on your plans for the day if he's grumpy, resentful of being woken, and sleepy. Or will be cheerful and just get on with it?

user1463996941 · 25/05/2016 09:48

Definitely wake him up. Don't know how old baby is or if you are breastfeeding but if he was still awake why didn't he take the night shifts and let you have a full night's rest. My husband often comes to bed at midnight, I'm pregnant and often asleep. But then he's a nightmare in the morning to get out of bed to get to work. Some people are just night owls I think

Curiousmum69 · 25/05/2016 09:49

I'd have given him the baby at 7am. And gone back to bed myself. He clearly doesn't need as much sleep as you.

SaucyJack · 25/05/2016 09:50

Cooked breakfast? Why? Were you making one anyway?

Just tell him it's time to wake up and get on with the day.

BumWad · 25/05/2016 09:52

Yes do it. My DH used to be like this but now we have DS he knows to get up with us all otherwise all hell would break loose!

Kimononono · 25/05/2016 09:54

What is he doing till 5am?

Does he get up when you ask him? Why is he spending his time off like this rather than spending family time?

Why isn't he getting up with the baby if he is already up and letting you have a sleep ?

OohMavis · 25/05/2016 09:54

I'm confused by the cooked breakfast too! Why? I'd be bloody annoyed that he'd been up doing whatever he likes while he could have been settling the baby instead of me.

OiWithThePoodlesAlready · 25/05/2016 09:55

My dp has form for staying up too late at weekends/holidays. I don't let him sleep late and nor does he expect to. He knows it's his own fault for being a idiot and saying up until 3 binge watching netflix. I totally get why he does it though, those precious quiet hours when the kids are asleep are bliss.

If he's lucky I'll make him a cup of coffee

middlings · 25/05/2016 09:59

I think my DH must be a bigamist.

In his case he's "working" which sometimes he is, but he'd get it done a damn sight faster if he didn't have the demon Netflix on in the background. It's always worse just before we go away....he was up til 2.20am on Friday morning and we were going camping that day for the weekend....for the first time...with two small children....and a borrowed tent.

When the children got up at 6.45am I told him that if I heard ONE moan that weekend about how tired he was I was getting in the car and coming home.

Drives me nuts.

Original poster

topazmilk · 25/05/2016 09:59

He will be grumpy. Which I find very irritating. I realise I'm being a bit U but I'm fed-up of having broken nights with baby, getting up super-early to feed, change, dress and entertain baby, then DH being grumpy because he's tired from his late night! He always offers to help with baby 'if you need me to' but I know he treasures having time to himself at night. He does his admin stuff, paperwork etc but also spends hours watching films, reading and playing on PC. I don't understand why he can't have 'his' time from say 10pm-1am, then go to bed and get 7hours sleep so he's fresh and able to take over with baby at 8am. When is 'my' time?!
He takes so long to get ready in morning, if he gets up at 10am we won't be ready to leave the house until noon

Anyway I'm going to put the grill on

OP posts:

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 25/05/2016 10:00

Did you have plans to go out today?

I probably wouldn't wake him up if not - but would expect an afternoon of DH caring for the baby while I did whatever I wanted to do.

Does DH ever do the night waking with the baby? It seems odd that you were having to wake up and do it when DH was awake anyway!

middlings · 25/05/2016 10:00

YANBU!! At all!

DH is constantly saying "I can't do x, y or z as you don't release me to do it."

Bollocks to that, ORGANISE YOUR OWN TIME INCLUDING SLEEP YOU PILLOCK!!

Enjoy your breakfast.

NorksAreMessy · 25/05/2016 10:01

DH and I are like this. He is a complete night owl and I am a lark.
BUT
when the babies were little, the deal was that they were all his until he went to bed.
So, if he was staying up until 3am, any waking child of any sort belonged to him, and him alone. I pottered off to bed at 9pm and got my head down blissfully ear-plugged and cosy.
Post 6am, any child belonged to me

Between 3 and 6am, I suspect the cats were in charge :)

gandalf456 · 25/05/2016 10:03

I guess it doesn't matter what time you go out if you haven't got older ones to pick up from school. I would be miffed at my lack of lie in, though, considering he could've handled the broken nights with no work the next day (unless the baby's breastfed, of course).

I definitely wouldn't be cooking breakfast. A loud heavy metal track would be more apt to wake him up with.

RedToothBrush · 25/05/2016 10:05

I realise I'm being a bit U but I'm fed-up of having broken nights with baby, getting up super-early to feed, change, dress and entertain baby, then DH being grumpy because he's tired from his late night!

Errrr why do you think you are being a bit unreasonable? Your husband should keep hours that are compatible with the rest of the family and if he is on leave he should be supporting you with the lack of sleep you are getting. Coming to bed at 5am will disturb you further.

You are not being unreasonable in the slightest, and I think you thinking that is actually part of the problem as you are not nailing your DH to the wall and telling him this is something he can now no longer do, because he has a child he needs to share responsibility for.

Can I ask how much 'time to yourself' do you get? I bet its very little to none.

AnyFucker · 25/05/2016 10:05

Why isn't he doing the night waking if he is such a night owl ?

You are being a doormat

Charley50 · 25/05/2016 10:05

You're not being unreasonable. He is sacrificing your rest and being a dad for wasting hours away in front of a screen. I know you're making him a cooked breakfast to soften the blow of telling him to get up. Sort of thing I'd do to pussyfoot around my computer game addicted DP.

I would be tempted to forget the family day, give him his breakfast, get him up, then go out by yourself for the day and let him get on with parenting his child.

NeedACleverNN · 25/05/2016 10:06

Also who cares he treasures time to himself.

I bet you would too.

Make him help out at night. You shouldn't be doing it all yourself

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 25/05/2016 10:10

I do kind of get it - I'm a night owl and love being up late on my own. But I'm not 50% responsible for a demanding baby!

That said, if you try to police his sleep, you'll get nowhere. Best plan is to redraw the child/home responsibilities. Tell him what you expect, both on work and holiday time, then leave him to it.

For example, if he's off on leave for four days it would be totally reasonable for you to get two long lies out of that time. How he achieves that is his business, but it needs to happen. (or whatever would suit you best needs to happen)

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