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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wake up DH at 10am even though he was up until 5am?

58 replies

topazmilk · 25/05/2016 09:34

I heard him creeping up the stairs at 5am. He loves staying up late and it's a constant source of tension between us as I'm up with the baby by 6am-7am every day. He's on annual leave and I was looking forward to a family day!

I slept in baby's room, went to bed at 10pm and was up from 11pm-12:30 then again 4am-5am, up for day at 7am! So I clocked up quite a bit of sleep for once. This is after weeks of getting 4-5 hours a night (sleep regression!)

WIBU to wake DH up at 10am with a cooked breakfast and pretend I don't know what time he came to bed?

OP posts:

silverpenny · 25/05/2016 10:11

Sounds like you do everything! He can be up all night having "his" time then he gets a lovely cooked breakfast in bed. Does he do anything to help with baby and chores?

MaterEstIratus · 25/05/2016 10:13

Cook him breakfast??? I'd take him a cup of tea and spill it over him.

babyboomersrock · 25/05/2016 10:16

He always offers to help with baby 'if you need me to'

Gosh, how generous of him.

Why on earth would anyone coax their dh out of bed at 10am with a cooked breakfast?? Most of you wouldn't do it for your teenage sons (quite rightly) so why pander to an adult like this?

You need to have a discussion, OP. Stop being a martyr.

CassandraAusten · 25/05/2016 10:16

YANBU at all! My DH is an owl and I'm reasonably sympathetic about him loving his lie-ins, but 10am is v generous in my book!

whois · 25/05/2016 10:23

This is one of the main reasons why I will never have children. DP would stay up all night and sleep all day if he could. And regularly goes. I like to be up in the day and asleep at night.

I do not see how we could have a baby and parent together effectively. The resentment would build about never going out together and doing nice things as a family.

Minisoksmakehardwork · 25/05/2016 10:23

Same a a pp here. Dh is a night owl and I'm the lark. Even when the twins were tiny if dh could do the feeds without waking me, he would.

So make that suggestion to him. If he's going to be up until the early hours, then he can do the baby care then. You get uninterrupted sleep. He goes to bed, you get up at your time and take over from there. But be clear that it doesn't mean he can go to bed at 5am and get up at tea time she he gets a 'full nights sleep'. If he needs a full night then he goes to bed earlier.

GabsAlot · 25/05/2016 10:23

your dh is an arsehole

hes on leave yet hes staying up all night not helping you and youre cooking breakfast for him?

do u have mug written on your head-tellhim to get up sort the baby out and help while hes off

SpeckledFrog2014 · 25/05/2016 10:23

Not just mine then that says up late (especially on a work night) as he likes to sit down for at least an hour before bed. That's code for watching all his shows. I'm very much against blue-lighting yourself before bed as it does disturb your sleep patterns. Some nights though I am thankful he's downstairs snoring away in his chair in front of the tv and not down my ear! Last night he came bed early for a change and not only did he stink of stuffing and gravy from dinner (two foods I hate!) he also kept doing eggy farts in the bed in his sleep. I was not impressed as I'm heavily pregnant, so uncomfortable to start with and with a super strong sense of smell! I almost kicked him out into the other room.

With getting up there's a simple solution that We're a cosleeping family and our daughter crawls all over daddy, calling him and poking his face when she wants him up. I have nagged him a bit about coming to bed too late and he averages about 11:30- 12:30 bed times now. However I think the real driving force is no choice with the lying in to catch up thanks to our 18 month old.

HermioneJeanGranger · 25/05/2016 10:25

YY, why wasn't he getting up and settling baby in the night if he was already awake watching TV?

If one parent is awake (and not working), they should be on childcare duty, not the one who is asleep, no?

Pseudo341 · 25/05/2016 10:25

Annual leave means you get alternate lie ins. Inform him he will be getting up at 6am with the baby tomorrow morning and every other morning until he goes back to work. My DH stays up late and get up late all through the week, but he works very late sometimes. On the weekend we get one lie in each. A lie in is 9am and not 10 though. Your DH is massively taking the piss and you need to kick him up the arse.

BitOutOfPractice · 25/05/2016 10:30

Stop enabling his lazy arsed behaviour. He needs to shape up or ship out.

AS AF says, if he's awake and about until 5am, why are you up with the baby "11pm-12:30 then again 4am-5am"? Why isn't he?

Liska · 25/05/2016 10:35

DH and I are both owls (as is dd, but she needs to go to school). I try to be sensible and go to bed at a decent time, but if it's his day to take her to school, then he knows it doesn't matter if he's only had 3 hours sleep. I think the answer is just to make sure you arrange what days he will be having the baby, so needs to be up at (6a.m.?) and what time he has to be up on the days you have the baby. It's not up to you to tell him when to go to bed, but it is perfectly reasonable to say when he needs to be up for the day.

2rebecca · 25/05/2016 10:36

Agree that if he's up until 5 anyway then he should be tending to the baby if it wakes up until 5am, difficult if you're breast feeding though.
If he's on holiday this week then rather than lots of "family days" it may be more relaxing for both of you to take it in turns to have selfish days. So one day he takes the baby off (with expressed milk if need be) and does stuff whilst you have a few hours to yourself and the next day you leave him in bed and do stuff with the baby.

StickTheDMWhereTheSunDontShine · 25/05/2016 10:38

Make yourself a cooked breakfast.

Make sure he can smell it.

Horsemad · 25/05/2016 10:39

I wouldn't be making him a cooked breakfast, just give him a call and get on with your plans for a nice day out.

CocktailQueen · 25/05/2016 10:39

What a selfish twat! He's on holiday, yet he's staying up all night, not helping you with HIS baby, and you're cooking breakfast for him? WTF???

Talk to him! Tell him to get up, do his fair share of looking after his own child, and sort out a rota for you to have an equal number of lie-ins too.

I don't care if he prefers to stay up all night. This is not how a family or the rest of the world functions. if he wants to go to bed that late, it's his lookout. He needs to get up and do his share. When's your holiday?

Hopelass · 25/05/2016 10:42

If he's awake until 5am then he should be dealing with the DCs until 5am in my opinion! He can't just opt out. Parenting is a shared responsibility.

Eliza22 · 25/05/2016 10:42

Totally selfish. He likes staying up till 5am? If he took some responsibility for his child, he might need to be in bed by 11 pm, catching some shut eye before the cycle starts, in the early hours, for the next day.

He's a cheeky git. Get him sorted, OP!

HappyNevertheless · 25/05/2016 10:42

Is he up yet?

And YY to a lot of the suggestions. If he is still awake and up, the he should be the one to settle HIS dc.

And YY to the fact you are enabling the situation and letting him get away with murder.

I'm struggling to get passed the 'helping with the baby IF you need him to'

mellicauli · 25/05/2016 10:47

Well, if it's his day's holiday it's yours too!

I would leave him to sleep til midday if he needs the sleep. You will have done your 12 hour shift with the baby, so it's his turn. You are free to go out and do what you want until midnight.

I'd book into a hotel and catch up on my sleep, just like he did.

OohMavis · 25/05/2016 10:47

I'm still really confused about the breakfast... Unless it's a passive-aggressive one? Which I wouldn't blame you for, I'm quite partial to a bit of passive-aggressive bacon.

"Oh here DH, have this lovingly-made bacon sandwich I just made you with my own two hands, after a night spent awake tending to your offspring, it's no biggie but I struggled to stay awake after spending weeks battling sleep regression on my own. You must be knackered after all that netflix. Enjoy."

^ the only acceptable way to present him with his breakfast. Before swanning off out and leaving him with the child.

lornathewizzard · 25/05/2016 10:54

I too have a night owl DH who is regularly awake til 2 or 3am. But when DD was smaller and up through the night he dealt with her. We swapped responsibility when he came to bed. Yes, he sleeps late sometimes, but that's much easier to deal with if you've had some sleep yourself. We always describe ourselves as a tag team!
You need to get him involved. Even now DD is 22mo, if she wakes during the night he brings her in to me so I don't need to get out of bed (and we go back to sleep, hurrah!)
And if we need to be up and out somewhere, then we get him up. Toddlers are great alarm clocks!

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 25/05/2016 11:01

Doormat of the day [sorry] award goes to..... Topazmilk

I honestly can't believe you are cooking him breakfast! Is this just to sweeten him up so he is less grumpy. F**k that for a game of ..... well anything really. Jesus woman, when did you last get some sleep as you are losing your marbles

How old is your baby? Are you BFing [ie tied to] the baby?

jaynerandall182 · 25/05/2016 11:02

I would throw the breakfast on him.

BathshebaDarkstone · 25/05/2016 11:02

YWBU. Let him sleep.

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