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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to let my DC have much less sleep than they apparently need?

46 replies

partridgeappletree · 24/05/2016 23:38

DC are 9, 4 and 2. Today they woke at 7.30. We walked the mile to school/nursery then 2 yo and I played at home until lunch time when we collected dd from nursery and went to the park for an hour. 2 yo then slept for 2 hours while dd and I had lunch, painted and played with her toys together. We collected dd9 from school then went to the park and the library until 5.30.

We went home and they danced and sang until dinner at 6.30. Then they went in the garden and out the front trampolining and on scooters until 8.35 before coming in for showers and stories. It ended up being 9.50 before all three were asleep.

It sounds really late and like they should all be totally worn out but they aren't. They are never tired or grumpy, they're all extremely happy and just don't have enough hours in the day for all the things they want to do. They're rarely ill and the girls are doing well at school/nursery. My sister thinks it's appalling and that they should be in bed by 7.30 latest. Her similarly aged DC are in bed by 6.45. We're usually eating dinner then!

Aibu to continue with the way we currently do things?

OP posts:
fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 24/05/2016 23:44

they are never tired or grumpy

There's your answer right there Smile

Imaginosity · 24/05/2016 23:48

DS is 7 and has autism and I was very concerned that he wasn't falling asleep at 8 or 8.30 like the other children in his class. He was always lying awake quietly in his room and would only drift off at 9.30 at the earliest.

This happened mo matter what we did i.e. Lots of exercise, no screens etc.

I asked his occupational therapist about it and he said some children just don't need as much sleep as others. He said just to put DS to bed later and not to worry about it as DS seems happy, has lots of energy all day and does not seem sleepy at all.

Now he goes to bed a about 9 or 9.15 and is usually asleep by 9.30 or 9.45. He wakes at 7.45 in the morning. Before I was putting him to bed at 8 and sitting in silence waiting for him to sleep.

It means we have more time in the evenings for homework, baths, stories. It's given me an extra hour and reduced the stress a lot.

Lovewineandchocs · 24/05/2016 23:55

My 2 are just the same-7 and 2, both complete night owls and rarely asleep before 10pm. They are happy and energetic. If put to bed at 7.30 there's no way they'd fall asleep and it wouldn't work for us as a family (we eat around 6.30/7pm). Keep doing what works for you! Smile

Ifonlylovewouldsavetheday · 24/05/2016 23:57

I think your sister needs to explain why it is so appalling. On what grounds does she feel she can make such a big statement on you and your happy children?
All families roll in a different way and being supportive to one another includes being non-judgemental.

Nanny0gg · 25/05/2016 00:00

I do think 10pm is too late.

Are all your neighbours children out playing till 8.30 on a school night?

I think they should be heading for the bath by 8pm at the latest.

AppleMagic · 25/05/2016 00:03

It wouldn't be anywhere near enough sleep for mine, but they would be obviously tired the next day and you say yours aren't.

I also prefer to have evenings to myself. Think I'd lose the plot if kids went to bed at the same time as me (appreciate its not going to be possible to keep a 7pm bedtime when they're teenagers though!).

Ifonlylovewouldsavetheday · 25/05/2016 00:03

Btw imaginosity, sometimes some children with autism, like many of us, use the end of the day to process what has happened during the day, e.g. repeating phrases they have heard to make sense of what happened. Just a thought that a bit of time at the end of the day could actually be useful 😀

Rinceoir · 25/05/2016 00:06

My 2 year old has never slept as long as expected either- even as a tiny baby she never slept much in the day- we were in hospital for a week after she was born and the staff constantly commented on how alert she was. Now she sleeps from around 830-7 and doesn't nap unless we are on holidays when she has a 45minute nap and stays up until after 10pm. But like your DC she is happy, developing well and full of beans.

dodobookends · 25/05/2016 00:09

Today they woke at 7.30 That's probably your answer really - what time do your sister's dc wake up?

Some people like their children in bed early so they have the evening to themselves, but they pay for it because the kids are awake at the crack of dawn.

My dc would never go to sleep earlier than about 9.30 (waking 7.30am) and people would say theirs were always asleep by 7.45 - but would then wake up before 6. So in effect the kids were all getting about the same amount of sleep - it's just DH and I were able to get up at a civilised time in the morning!

KittensandKnitting · 25/05/2016 00:10

8.30 sleep on week nights here, later weekends

DC 8.

They wake early... Oh so early!

DP and I are night owls

VioletBam · 25/05/2016 00:11

YANBU. My two are also kids who seem to keep going on what seems like not enough sleep. My oldest in particular. As long as they perform well at school and are happy and cheerful, I think it's fine.

fatmomma99 · 25/05/2016 00:11

must be me - your post reads to me like a massive stealth boast, but clearly that's just me being mean as no one else has taken it that way.

Donatellalymanmoss · 25/05/2016 00:11

Your children are never tired and grumpy? Is anyone's life really as perfect as the picture you've just painted about your family?

fatmomma99 · 25/05/2016 00:16

I know, Donatell... it was "they danced and sang" that got to me....

Donatellalymanmoss · 25/05/2016 00:16

fatmomma you're not the only one 😏. Written in a way that gives no room for thinking the OP is being anything other than totally reasonable which makes me instantly mistrust her.

fatmomma99 · 25/05/2016 00:18

ooo, we're cross posting. The two lonely vipers on a thread of otherwise loveliness. I think we might be about to be flamed by all the perfect mothers on here though. I might go to bed....

imwithspud · 25/05/2016 00:20

Hmm I'm not sure. Just because they don't seem tired and grumpy, doesn't mean the lack of sleep isn't having some sort of effect that isn't recognisable right away. Are anyone's children genuinely never tired and grumpy? Seems a little too good to be true to me.

Personally I would try and encourage some quieter activities in the evenings, even just reading in their rooms. Gives them a chance to wind down and I also get a bit of headspace too which I find I need to keep me sane most days.

I guess if it works for you then great but personally I would be encouraging a slightly earlier bedtime.

KittensandKnitting · 25/05/2016 00:21

Time for bed...

Cookingongas · 25/05/2016 00:30

If mine were constantly stimulated they would not be tired or grumpy ( as evidenced on holidays)

But they also don't seem to learn as much, be as flexible, polite, or stable after a few days of that ( again evidenced by holidays)

I also query that your 9, 4 and 2 ye old have the same wants, desires, needs and sleep as One another. My 8 and 6 year old go to bed at the same time, but sing, dance, trampoline, scooter and THEN bed together? My 8 yr old would find that a bit suffocating. Where are the 9 yr olds friends to bike ride with / be achingly cool stood with a bike not riding it in the park?

I don't subdcribe to the idea that evenings should be child free, but equally I wouldn't be thrilled with your set up. Surely there's s middle ground?!?

Lovewineandchocs · 25/05/2016 00:33

So your DD didn't end up going to see her Dad today for his birthday then?

dodobookends · 25/05/2016 00:39

We were worried that our dc seemed to exist on a lot less sleep than other pre-schoolers, and asked the HV and the playgroup leader. They both said that all kids are different, and not to be bothered by it.

AGBforever · 25/05/2016 00:47

My 2 monkeys are night owls and thank god! Because we both work evenings/nights so their body clocks are synced to ours (don't wake too often before 9.30/10 am they then go to sleep around 11pm. Not ideal and we're trying to move their routine forward before pre-school for the eldest next September...but they really seem to thrive on less sleep than the book (as much as we would like them to sleep more!) If it works for you and your tots then tell dsis to get over it

AppleMagic · 25/05/2016 00:59

That's not true for all kids dodo. Mine go to bed at 7 and I often have to wake them up to get ready for school at 7.30. At the weekends dc2 has been known to sleep in til 9. Before anyone calls me smug I should add that dd basically didn't sleep at all for the first three years of her life so I am very, very appreciative of how well they sleep now.

Iknownuffink · 25/05/2016 01:13

If it works, why change your family routine?

InionEile · 25/05/2016 01:36

Mine are a mess by 7pm so I have to be pretty strict about their bedtimes. You must be that family I see out in restaurants at 9pm with smiling well-behaved toddlers and I am insanely jealous of!

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