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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think the teacher should have told me?

40 replies

bostonkremekrazy · 24/05/2016 19:40

I'll start by saying DD is not my PFB - but I am super-protective and all my kids might as well be my PFBs Blush.....not sure if i am thinking straight here!

DD is 3 - started nursery in jan.
When dh was getting her changed for bed called me to show me a mark was at the top of her arm - it was a bite-mark Shock

he asked her about it and she said X bit me in the playground....another 3 yr old in her class. she said teacher took me in for a snack, and made X say sorry.
She told me the same story when i asked her about it. I dressed her in her uniform at lunchtime and there was no mark....it is fresh and most definitely a bite-mark from another child (she cant reach the top of her arm with her own mouth).
We have taken pictures of the bite-mark.
I overheard teacher telling X's mum last week that he had been biting.
AIBU to think the teacher should have told me when i collected her from nursery that she had been bitten today?
I think i should speak to her tomorrow and show her the pictures - the mark is quite bad! but is that a bit OTT?

OP posts:
maddy68 · 24/05/2016 19:44

If the teacher informed every parent of every incident they wouldn't have time to teach. It probably didn't look much at the time and it was dealt with appropriately.
It's only normally head injuries etc that get reported to parents, or persistent bullying, a one off like that probably wouldn't be

SweetieDrops · 24/05/2016 19:46

I don't think it's OTT to expect to be told, my DD gets an accident report note home in her schoolbag when she's hurt herself at school, maybe you could suggest a similar system to them in case they aren't able to tell you at collection time for whatever reason.

Jofo · 24/05/2016 19:48

The teacher should have absolutely told you. This kind of behaviour can escalate and you need to be informed as to how they deal with situations of this type. Biting is not acceptable.

JustMarriedBecca · 24/05/2016 19:49

I'd expect to be told if my child had been bitten-I might not expect them to say who but I would expect them to say my child was bitten and the incident was dealt with. It takes no time to tell a parent something like that. They would have had to fill in an incident form.

LittleNelle · 24/05/2016 19:49

You should have been told, but I would guess that the teacher didn't see the mark and your DD didn't seem overly upset so she didn't realise. I'm sure the school has a policy that bites that leave a mark should be reported.

Kariana · 24/05/2016 19:49

I'm with maddy, some nurserys would report this to parents and some wouldn't if it wasn't that bad and you dd wasn't massively distressed by it (doesn't sound like she was). There's no right or wrong it's just different policies at different places.

There's no harm in asking about it tomorrow if you are concerned about repeated biting by the other child but kicking up a fuss would be an overreaction (as would showing a photo - the nursery staff clearly saw it at the time and don't need another look!)

Gide · 24/05/2016 19:49

A bite should have been explained, particularly as there's a mark. No, it's not only head injuries that get reported, what rubbish. If a child bit another, I'd be straight on the phone to reassure the parent of the bitten and I'd talk to the prent of the biter. It's not acceptable to just let your DD come home with a mark on her which wasn't accidental. Even an accident leaving a mark needs a quick word to parents.

gonetoseeamanaboutadog · 24/05/2016 19:52

I would expect a note, most definitely. My nursery has time to write in my DS's book:

  • what he ate
  • when he slept
  • what he played with/made They would most definitely have time to tell me if he'd been bitten! It's rather shocking that some posters think this wouldn't be an issue. If this was an older child, it would be viewed as serious bullying and while the context is obviously difference, the action is the same and the result for the child is the same.
JustHavinABreak · 24/05/2016 19:52

I don't think you are being unreasonable. The teacher should have mentioned it to you, though just in terms of DD was biten today and we have taken appropriate action, not X bit DD. I do realise the children will probably names names themselves but the teacher should keep it as calm and impersonal as possible.

Biting, hitting, scratching...all difficult phases and most kids go through at least one of them. It needs to be dealt by both the school and the home environment together. It's usually only when one or the other won't take it seriously that it becomes a nasty habit rather than a passing phase.

Hope your DD is ok Smile

gonetoseeamanaboutadog · 24/05/2016 19:52

different

insancerre · 24/05/2016 19:55

They should have told you
They have a legal duty Nader the EYFS to inform parents of such incidents, so they are not meeting their legal requirements
I would ask to see their biting policy and their accident reporting policy and peoceedure

happyis · 24/05/2016 19:57

I work in a nursery, we usually inform parents if their child has been bitten or injured by another child although we don't tell them who by. Bites can be particulary nasty if the skin is broken!

We find it much better to be upfront. It's far more worrying for a parent to find an injury on their child themselves. I'm a parent - I've been there myself! Better it comes from us than the child!

Primaryteach87 · 24/05/2016 19:58

You should have been told. Sometimes these things happen without the child telling an adult but that obviously wasn't the case here. It's possible they just forgot and actually have an accident/incident form ready to give to you tomorrow.

YWBU to get really livid about this but YWNBU to calmly say you were not happy to be told and you expect to be told in future.

I'm sure it's not policy, it's 'human error'. On the plus side, your daughter was apologised to and sounds like the nursery are taking steps to stop this child (e.g discussing with parents).

BeauGlacons · 24/05/2016 19:59

I think the issue is whether bitey child is being adequately supervised. You know about it, your child told you. I think it's reasonable to say you are aware and could they let you know what they will be doing to prevent it.

I'd be crosser about taking her for a snack to get over something nasty happening. Teaching her to use food as a crutch.

Hope she's ok x

DixieNormas · 24/05/2016 20:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Twinkie1 · 24/05/2016 20:01

You should have been told. DD has been to 2 nurseries and 1 preschool and we have to sign accident forms for things as small as a finger caught in a toy or bumped heads.

SecretlycrushingonTomHanks · 24/05/2016 20:01

They should have filled in a form and had you sign it as far as I'm aware? DD1 was bitten a few times at nursery and this is what they did each time. They're not allowed to tell you who it was though. I'd ask the teacher what happened next time you're in nursery and maybe ask that they inform you at pickup time if something like that happens again.

Smartiepants79 · 24/05/2016 20:02

I would expect to be told. I would go and ask. I expect that it's just got forgotten or information not been passed on. It's a minor slip up so if you're happy overall with the standard of care I'd just mention it as a sort of 'by the way' and hopefully that will ensure it gets done the next time.

BoomBoomsCousin · 24/05/2016 20:16

Any incident like this was supposed to be reported at the nursery my DC went to. If it wasn't frequent or serious then I wouldn't be particularly bothered about being told each time, so long as they were tracking it so they could tell if they had ongoing issues with someone. I think the recording is important and the telling the parent holds them more accountable for that I suppose, but I'd personally rather they spent more time with the children than on administration.

Billyray23 · 24/05/2016 20:17

Teachers, nursery staff are only human ever thought she may just have forgot!

parrotonmyshoulder · 24/05/2016 20:18

Perhaps they forgot?

Pearlman · 24/05/2016 20:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

littlemonkey5 · 24/05/2016 20:28

I think some people are missing the fact this child is 3.... 3, we call nursery, school sometimes but the ratio is smaller and not compulsory.

Nursery is childcare..... The clue is in the title. You are paying for your child to be cared for whilst there and as a bonus, they learn lots too. If a child is injured in any way, they have a duty of care to the child and accountable to the parent.

In these circumstances, yes, you should have been told.

We had an incident at school with DD in year 1, she wasn't hurt but the teacher nearly had a breakdown through the guilt of what could have happened. The other child was sent home. It was ok and the child didn't do it again but I was impressed in the way they handled it and the messages they were sending the children in how to behave and the potential consequences of what will happen if you hurt someone.

Youarenotkiddingme · 24/05/2016 20:30

Of course you should have been informed.

For 2 reasons. 1. A bite that breaks the skin can need monitoring and 2. If she went into nursery with a bite it could trigger a safeguarding query.

RosieandJim89 · 24/05/2016 20:32

Yes our nursery get us to sign an incident form for any bumps, buts, bites etc. We take one and they keep one. At the very least I would expect to be told although they try to keep it anonymous even though the kids grass each other up at first chance