to be really bloody irritated at all my exH's gf's posts about autism?

[FedupofbeingtoldIcantusemyname]

Ok that might sound a bit complicated but basically I'm 'friends' on FB with exH's gf (let's call her X) - only to keep contact with them/him when they have the dc's as exH basically refuses to speak to me and I've got more chance of getting hold of him through her.

NB - one of our dc's is severely autistic.

X often posts things on FB, and every bloody time something comes up about autism she likes and shares it - it feels extremely 'LOOK AT ME I'M SO ACCEPTING OF MY BOYFRIEND'S SON'.

It sounds like it would be irritating, but if you take a positive look at it, she is being accepting of him and likely to have read up on it. I suppose she could be worse and not have a clue. Try and see the positive side. Is she good with your DC? If she is, then I'd be likely to let it slide.

Sounds like her heart might be in the right place but, unlike you, she's having to deal with the newness of it all.

You may be being sensitive because it's your exH new missus... It's not a bad thing if she's actively looking up information on the condition.
Like previous poster said, at least she's not ignorant of it.

She is showing an interest and if she is actually reading the stuff she is liking, then she will be learning too.
Much better to deal with someone who is open to learning more than someone who insists on their right to be wrong.

Probably better that way than her actively having a problem.

I bloody hate all the Facebook 'like and share' bollocks. Spammy shit. It really irritates me the whole 'share this if you hate cancer'. No no, I bloody love cancer me. Let it be known that of course I actually don't. My mum was diagnosed at the start of this year and it felt like my world ended. I fucking hate cancer. But I'm still not sharing Facebook bollocks

It might be a clunky way of trying to to do the right thing.

I loathe all of those stupid 'look at me I'm such a caring person and anyone that doesn't like and share this meaningless crap is a thoughtless cunt' memes

Cut the GF some slack, finding out and being involved with autism information could be the highlight of her day, after all, the rest of the time she is stuck with your Ex poor soul!

YANBU

she is trying to make it part of her identity by it being so much on FB

If she cares so much about it, she can volunteer at a charity which raises awareness of autism.

Plus your ex-P sounds like he has not pulled his load, which must've been hard for you especially having a child with additional needs, so YANBU to feel this sharing of memes is nothing near comprehending the reality of what you've been through

YANBU I feel similarly about my DPs eldest DSD - 25. She also likes and shares loads of posts about autism - her half brother, my son. Yet she's been utterly selfish and horrible about me in the past, hasn't ever asked me about him, offered a hand or been at all interested.

So yeah! I agree with you - and at it's worst it is attention seeking for themselves - if they really cared - they can help / volunteer! Grrr...

It would be so much worse if she was completely disinterested in your children, if she's there when they're spending time with their dad. I think it shows that she cares.

It does sound attention grabby so I can see why it would annoy you but honestly when I clicked on the thread I was expecting the posts to be 'in my day there was no autism or ADHD, you just got a good smack. Share if you agree', which sadly exist!
She will get over this phase, at least she has a positive attitude about it.

So was I - it sounds like she can't do right for doing wrong. What would you rather, she ignores that he has autism? Posts as above that it's 'made up and doesn't exist/a parenting problem'?

She's not criticising you, or your child, she probably thinks she's being supportive

Does it really matter?

I completely understand why it's irritating but I think you should try and ignore it and be greatful that even if only for appearance sake, she is inclined to be positive and supportive about ASD.

I have relatives who very weirdly name drop my son at every opportunity in a way 'oh I know - my GS/nephew/cousin has autism. It's is....'
People are bizarre.

I would be to stalky irritated too, but I think we are both unreasonable, OP!

Greatful ?

So she makes an effort to show acceptance and understanding of her bf''s son and tries to share information with others and this is somehow wrong? Wow, seems pretty harsh to me. Were you Facebook friends with her before? Do you know she didn't always like and post this stuff?

I have a son with severe asd. I'm also part of a step family / blended family situation.

I would be over the moon if my dds step mum took as much interest as your exes girlfriend. Yes it's bit clunky and naff as far as Facebook goes but her hearts in the right place.

Personally though I could never be Facebook buddies with my ex or his (now wife). It would be incredibly weird to me.

I do think it depends a lot on how it is being done though.

Sharing information, posts about local support groups or issues which affect people with ASD is one thing.

If it's a picture of a sunrise with 'share if you love a child with ASD' I'd be really irritated.

I have family members who share that shit who haven't seen DS2 for years and never contact him or send a birthday card.

I think it sounds like she cares about people understanding autism more. She might not have known anything about it before knowing your son and now she knows more she wants to help to educate other people about it. I see it as a good thing.

Yes it might grate a bit but to me it sounds like a good thing and that she's trying to get it more understood.

I've a son on the spectrum although he is v mild tbh and my x has a gf, and if she was doing this I would be furious. It is not something she can try on for size for a while. It's going to be something we have to work around for ever, long after she's disappeared. Trying to use it to appear 'deep' or caring would irritate me.

Those types of things are always irritating but she might just be trying to show you that she gets it and cares, just in a very annoying way. As long as she's not sharing lies or I'll informed stuff I'd let this one go.

YABU, purely because you're making a massive assumption about her motivations for sharing this stuff. Maybe she's sharing it because it's genuinely important to her. And you're assuming it's all about you. I get the impression you don't know her that well; do you know for fact that your son is the only person with autism in her life?

Maybe, next time you see her sharing something, you could recommend a book, charity or other info source that you've found useful and reliable. If she is fake, she won't follow it up, if she is genuine then she'll be grateful.