To want to 'protect' a newborn from smokers?

[jonsnowssocks]

This is all theoretical atm, but am 8 months pregnant so will probably turn into an issue soon.

Lots of smokers amongst friends and family and I'm not sure how to handle them when it comes to visiting and holding the baby. Ideally, I'd ask anyone who has recently smoked to wash their hands, brush their teeth and change any smoky clothes before touching the little one, but would that make me just totally over-the-top precious about it? What would be a good compromise?

Inlove - you seem to think that children all have the common sense of an adult. They don't, because wait for it - they are children! Slicing grapes into quarters is not helicopter parenting, it's basic parenting. You seem to be on the polar opposite of helicopter parenting, ie being careless with safety and not minimising risks. You cannot eliminate all risks but the ones you can, you should do. It takes a few seconds to quarter a few grapes.

And yes, I do insist that anybody holding a newborn needs to wash their hands. It's called good hygiene - newborns don't have much immunity. You mentioned about who doesn't wash their hands after using the loo - ha! Don't be so naive. Many people disgusting feckers don't actually wash their hands at all after a bathroom visit. You would think it'd be reasonable to assume everyone knows about proper hygiene after a toilet visit but apparently not.

And in my experience, it is still the norm for pregnant women to eat unpasteurised cheese, rare meat and (shock) drink a glass of red with dinner when pregnant. And the Japanese eat normally, including raw fish, when pregnant too. The medical advice for those countries is one thing, and not something I'm familiar with,, but the reality on the ground seems to be different

Ive spent one of my pregnancies in Japan and my experance is very different to yours, one of the most humiliating experances in my life occured when I attempted to order some sushi without specifying pre frozen fish.the way the staff reacted and I mean all of them you would have thought I had asked them to do a c section on me right then and bloody flame grill the baby!
It was not dissimerler to the reaction when asking for caffeinated drinks.

Over all I found the area to be one of the most judgy pants ones ever when talking about pregnant woman

My dad smokes... I absolutely want him to hold the baby (I''m 4 months pregnant). But seeing as he usually smokes in the evening (and therefore wears a jacket/jumper) I'll just ask him to remov the jumper, wash his hands and his mouth (maybe with mouthwash or a chewing gum)...

I don't see how perfume would help...? It doesn't make the cigarette residue healthier...

i hate smoke so so much and i can be kind of ott about it. My daughter has a friend who smokes she gos to the house and comes back stinking of smoke i hate it. i make her change all her clothes put them in the washing machine etc. i know im a bit ott. my baby is 2 weeks. i asked hv what she thought. she said hands need to be washed and smokey clothes removed. if we can smell the smoke on someone that means baby can and they are breathing that in.

but it is hard to approcah it.

Glad I hardly know any smokers, unless they were very close family, I wouldn't let a smoker hold my newborn at all.

The fact that anything that has been in a smokers house smells of smoke, no matter how much it has been aired (you only notice this if you don't smoke) means it would be pointless to ask someone to change their clothes unless you were providing clothes yourself! FIL once had a cigarette in our garden and put the end in our kitchen bin. Even with the bin closed, I could tell as soon as I opened the front door that there was a fag end in the bin. It's not just a stink, it's toxic.

I'm with you Op.

Hand washing, teeth clean & top seems sensible to be.

Smoke stinks & clings!

Does anyone else remember nights out before the smoking ban?

The smell the next morning-of the clothes that you'd worn, your hair & pillowcase!

Nope. Because sometimes when they give your baby back, your baby smells of smoke. Perfume's bad too.

2catsnowaiting:
That depends on the smoker. I've never met a smoker that smokes inside the house...? The smokers I know smoke in the garden/on the balcony.

Which is luckily what my dad does, so removing his jumper/washing hands & mouthwash is enough.

But I'd never bring the LO to a house where people smoke inside...

I'm with OP too - but, what are the guidelines about midwives who smoke? With my second, I remember the smell of the one looking after me in recovery. I could smell it on her hands when she tried to get him to latch on, in her hair when she bent over me - it was awful. Cigarette smoke is a trigger for me anyway, but it was dreadful to have it at such a vulnerable time.

Its a wonder any of us have survived...it really is.

Even if it wasn't a health risk, who wants stale fag breath breathed over them & to be snuggled into a smokey top?

Its a wonder any of us have survived...it really is. hmm

Lots didn't. But they can't come on a forum and say so. So of course everyone here survived.

The reality is infant mortality is very low these days. Sids has reduced drastically, as has injury and death from car accidents. Many more children survive now. All because parents have followed all the small changes.

My brother would would remove his jacket/jumper what ever top layer he was wearing over his tshirt and wash his hands so as not to pass fumes onto my ds.

Buckinbronco, sorry to hear you had such an awful experience after birth, you are right we were very very lucky with the hospital and consultants and midwives were just amazing before, during and after birth. They didn't want to let us go until I was confident enough about breastfeeding, and spent huge amount of time with me showing, answering questions, etc etc. I guess it's a matter of luck! But most important thing is your baby was safely delivered and that's what matters doesn't it!

my family were really great at not smoking when DD was little but have become much more relaxed as she's got older.

There were even times when people didn't hold DD because I could smell the smoke on them. After a cigarette you continue to breathe the smoke out for four hours so YANBU to have some rules etc. It terrifies me as my Dsis passed away as a teenager, which has been linked substantially to the smoking of other family members.

None of my family had any issue with my requests - everyone washed their hands before they held her anyway (which was instigated by my DF and nothing to do with us!) However, it does bother me that now she's 5yo they'll just light up right in front of her - even though she hates it too!

""Its a wonder any of us have survived...it really is. hmm""

Well, I survived, but I had Bronchitis and a sore throat, constantly when I was little. The antibiotics damaged my Adult teeth, as they came through.

The first time I got pneumonia, the consultant was interested in my childhood, smoking in the house etc.

If I get run down, I develop Pnuemonia and I've had Pulmonary TB.

I'm fit and look after my health, I've never smoked, but my lungs show signs of passive smoking damage.

I'm in Liverpool, the Royal is interested in gathering this sort of information. The Roy Castle building is close by.

The Consultants were saying that they see this in people of my age group, late 40's, so a 70's child, who grew up in indoor smoking families.

I never thought that I'd be immobilised by a lung condition (although temporary), because I've done everything I should have to protect myself from some diseases, but growing up, the adults around me didn't.

bigbuttons I disagree that thetigerdidit's behaviour is bonkers. My Mil uses revolting scented fabric conditioner. After she has visited (always for a week), it takes days to air the smell out of the house. Thankfully she has started bringing her own pillows as my feather ones aren't as comfortable as her polyester ones . But we are currently using our spare room which she vacated 2 weeks ago and the bed still smells of her fabric conditioner despite having put a completely different set of bedding on it, the mattress must be impregnated with it from her night clothes.
Strong perfumes give me banging headaches anyway but sleeping in a bed that smells of my MiL is grim. And believe it or not, I do get on with her!

Kittysnow - I know it's hard but you could remove her. I know I'm lucky that the only family member who smoked when my kids were born - never smoked around them and was very considerate. Luckily my mother had recently stopped as she was a chain smoker who would not have been considerate and I honestly think I wouldn't have been able to have her near my children at all.

Bambambini I do remove her and in fact I'm quite lucky that she has the sense to make a comment and remove herself too. I suppose that is the whole point really - smokers choose to smoke so we can also choose how we behave around them, therefore for the OP I think it is totally reasonable for her to have her own expectations. Most smokers do understand the risks etc so should react reasonably anyway. I think since the laws changed people have generally become more considerate about inflicting it on to others.

I agree Kitty and glad you seem to be dealing with it. We do have choices - non smoking parent and the smoker - i think there is still pressure though on the non smoker to a degree, to not be an OTT smug, anal killjoy. As said, i know i would have clashed big time with my mum if she hadn't have stopped - phew!

To everyone who insists on people washing hands before touching the baby - while it sounds so reasonable, and such a great idea, and I did try to practice it myself - is it really practicable, even with a firstborn? Do all you mums wash your own hands EVERY SINGLE TIME you touch your baby? How do you manage that when you've just changed the baby and the baby is lying on the changing table? How do you get the baby off the table? You can't just walk away - do you all have sinks by the table that let you do one-handed washing (because you'd have to keep at least an elbow on the baby of course)? Are baby-wipes really good enough when you've been touching poo (presumably through a baby wipe)?

Do you stop to wash your hands before you drag yourself groggily in the middle of the night to the baby's cot to feed them/see why the hell they're crying AGAIN, EVERY SINGLE TIME?

If you've managed that then I guess you're much better at this mum-thing than I ever was. How I got two DCs to 11 and 9 must just be dumb luck.

And seriously, making a smoker change their clothes and brush their teeth and wait 2 hours for a quick cuddle?!? When mine were babies I wasn't in much contact with smokers, so I never really thought about it, but while I wouldn't have let anyone actually smoke around my baby I still cannot imagine making someone go through all that rigmarole just to hold them briefly. And I say that as someone who absolutely detests smoking and being around smoking. I refuse to believe that a person is at any materially increased risk of an early, smoking-related death because a smoker happened to hold them when they were a baby and they were otherwise brought up in a completely smoke-free household.

Mommybunny, your post contained far too much common sense for MN.

Hang your head in shame!

Id say wash your hands and wait half an hour is an ok request, but change yr clothes and clean yr teeth seems a bit excessive .?

I've never used a changing table they confuddle me

I smoke and have had a couple of slightly awkward conversations with friends/family who've asked me to wear clean clothes and not smoke before holding their baby, and I've had to politely explain that I don't really want to hold their baby as i would rather be free to smell and smoke fags