To want to 'protect' a newborn from smokers?

[jonsnowssocks]

This is all theoretical atm, but am 8 months pregnant so will probably turn into an issue soon.

Lots of smokers amongst friends and family and I'm not sure how to handle them when it comes to visiting and holding the baby. Ideally, I'd ask anyone who has recently smoked to wash their hands, brush their teeth and change any smoky clothes before touching the little one, but would that make me just totally over-the-top precious about it? What would be a good compromise?

MeridianB - why? And evidence? Genuinely.

I think just do what you want to do with your baby. And I say that as a smoker who had a baby.

What are you on about inlovewithhubby? By all means do what you want about your pregnancy and with your baby but don't suggest that science based advice about minimising risk is culturally influenced silliness. I've gone through two pregnancies in France and the list of foods to avoid is very strict, you get reminded by your doctor all the time and even waiting staff at restaurants are clued up and make menu suggestions when they see you are pregnant. As for Japan that is one of the most conservative countries in terms of risk exposure for pregnant women and you'd be subjected to quite serious social disapprobation for doing anything even remotely risky while pregnant.

You keep babies in your room for the same reason you don't smoke over them - science has quite clearly demonstrated it reduces the risk of them DYING. It's not rocket science. Bully for you if you don't want to follow the recommendations, but don't set out to make everyone else feel neurotic for doing their best to keep their kids alive.

I haven't yet met a smoker that inconsiderate around my babies. None of them would smoke just before visiting & most guests just asked if they could wash their hands anyway. IME it tends to be the older generation who struggle, but then this never seemed to be an issue back when they had their babies.

Congratulations & I hope that any smokers you invite to meet the baby understand& assume they shouldn't come near baby all faggy!

Advice we were given is 20 mins after ciggie. Smoking coat. Nothing about washing hands or anything :/

Dixie - the risk of death is so minuscule that I consider it negligible. The stats would bear me out, if not the nanny state nhs health advice. I asked on the last thread for incidents and got one example. One. I'm not cutting up grapes for perfectly capable children with perfectly capable teeth. If they sit down to eat and don't fuck about, they won't choke.

And in my experience, it is still the norm for pregnant women to eat unpasteurised cheese, rare meat and (shock) drink a glass of red with dinner when pregnant. And the Japanese eat normally, including raw fish, when pregnant too. The medical advice for those countries is one thing, and not something I'm familiar with,, but the reality on the ground seems to be different. These things (choking, food poisoning, lightening strikes) are all extremely rare, and yet so many of us parent as if they are near certainty. We are so risk averse I do wonder whether we'll have a generation of children entirely unable to reasonably assess genuine risk.

Sorry first ref in second para was to French women not women in general.

I can think of two children who have died from choking on grapes in the last couple of years - a 6yo called Jasmine Lapsley and a 2yo called Jacob Jenkins.

You're right though, the risk of cot death to a newborn is much higher, several hundred babies a year I think.

Here's another 2 year old who choked on a grape in 2014, Jenil Sharma
www.leicestermercury.co.uk/Devastated-parents-tribute-son-choked-grape/story-21224273-detail/story.html

I was a smoker before falling pregnant, and with a 6 y/o DSS if I ever smoked when he was about (less often) I would always ensure I was outside, around no open windows, I washed my hands and ensured I left it a good ten minutes before playing etc - I'd normally only smoke in the evening when he was in bed, as this was important to me - he has allergies and asthma.

I'm 5 months pregnant, and my fianceé's immediate family all smoke (parents, two sisters) - they've come to blows before because his family aren't very respectful of his request for them not to smoke around DSS - when we've been at the house, they smoke out the back door where smoke drifts in - however - it's their home, their rules. We like it or lump it - DSS is six, he's not a newborn. Plus he's exposed to smoke often enough on the school run, we used to smoke albeit in the evening, his Mum's boyfriend smokes, etc etc.

How this is going to work when the new baby is here is another matter - DP's parents are very much of the school that blowing smoke in a babies face = bad, but won't think anything of smoking and immediately picking up a child, or entering a car with a baby, or smoking within the car when a baby is due to be travelling. I hope me asking them to be a bit more mindful around the baby would be taken politely, but knowing MIL, she probably won't like it .

I'd like to think most people would either avoid smoking when visiting (unless it's more than 2+ hours) or take measures to not be passing over very recent inhaled cigarettes (washing hands, timing cigarettes appropriately) Anything other than that, I'm pretty laid back about.

Even washing your hands is crazy talk. But it's your first so I get it. By your third you will be questioning whether or not you need to feed them lunch after catching them eating dirt in the garden

Washing hands is great idea. Anything else is a bit ott.

I would never dream of visiting a new born after having had a ciggie. I'd have one at home, then get ready, washed etc. Sort of like I was going for an interview or something. I wouldn't want to smell of smoke etc.
I'm a smoker by the way.

Dixie - at what age will you stop? And at what foodstuffs? If you cut up sausages, what about a chicken drumstick? If you cut marshmallows what about other sweets? It's the ripple effect that worries me too - where does it stop?

I drank wine and ate raw fish and rare meat during pregnancy, all are fine under NHS guidelines so long as you're careful. There are so many misconceptions about what pregnant women are "allowed".

OP I don't think you're OTT. And even if you are, so what? I had rules for my newborn too, and everyone was fine with it, because they knew where I was coming from, even if they possibly thought I was over cautious.

inlove

Grapes are different to other food. They are the perfect size and shape to totally block the trachea but because they are not firm, they are squishy, they're almost impossible to force out with the Heimlich manoeuvre. That is why grapes should always be cut in half or quarters. Grapes can kill adults too.

Grapes and sausages are recognised choking hazards - why are you so intent on rubbishing that. Feed your young child full grapes and i'll cut mine.

Inlove - you think I'm a laughing stock? LOL. You're the one who says that whole grapes for young children are OK. I'm not the laughing stock here.

It is irresponsible, dangerous and downright stupidity to give a young child a whole grape - they are the exact size of a child's airway.

DP took up smoking again after a really stressful period.
Rules were to change clothes, wash hand and brush teeth (if he wanted to give me a kiss as I hate smoke smell)
He chose to smoke not my DS so he would have to take all the precautions to keep DS protected

Let's do a head count: how many of those of us who cut up our grapes for our toddlers have found ourselves unable to stop cutting up chicken drumsticks for our school age children?

My children are teenagers, the eldest an adult. Most of the time I don't even know when she gets in at night, let alone what she has been ingesting (in liquid form or otherwise). Those few grapes I cut up 18 years ago have had absolutely zilch impact on my ability to parent confidently in later years. Or indeed in the early years.