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Original poster

"He won't be as handsome as my son. Never mind." Gutted by comment from random woman

173 replies

1Potato2 · 21/05/2016 20:58

On Friday I went with Dd and 4 month ds to the library to kill time. Random woman in her early 70s starts chatting about wishing he will live as long as her relation (104 apparently) and finished off with the comment in the title. I didn't process this at the time as I was keeping an eye on Dd and ds was threatening to poop. It has bugged me since. :(. He's a lovely smiley chap and can't help thinking wtaf?! Anyone else experienced this?

OP posts:
EddieStobbart · 21/05/2016 23:10

Of course we think ageing is bad, we're told it is all the time and this message is seen as completely normal www.marieclaire.co.uk/beauty/best/9938/anti-ageing-beauty-products.html.

I don't buy from companies that talk about "younger looking" skin and "anti-ageing". I don't mind getting older (am much happier). I do see the importance of trying to remain as healthy as I can and I don't know why companies can't focus on that (it's surely a much more attainable thing anyway).

shinynewusername · 21/05/2016 23:14

I really don't think my saying that sometimes old people are weird are really in the same league as saying they were a nasty bitch and a shrew etc

I agree it's not as insulting, but try substituting "black people" or "Jews" for "old people" and see how it sounds.

If the OP had felt insulted by an Asian woman would it be ok to write "some Asians are weird"? Clearly it's true of some individuals - my BIL's as weird as fuck, for a start Smile but suggesting that there is some special form of Asian person weirdness would be racist.

AuntieKippers · 21/05/2016 23:15

Yes Eddie but this isn't just about appearance-its as if older women become wicked old witches like in fairy tales and ,of course, they aren't just women like everyone else they are old women -so they are an homogeneous group who all think and act the same.

Joskar · 21/05/2016 23:16

madam other folk get all the exciting libraries, dagnarmit!

Go for a coffee with your pals, op. Have some cake. Do some smiling. It's all good.

AuntieKippers · 21/05/2016 23:16

Well said Shiny

OneMagnumisneverenough · 21/05/2016 23:17

That doesn't make as much sense as you'd like it to shiny and yes, you can substitute anything you like in there and it will certainly be true and it wouldn't be racist either as it's a fact and it's only insulting if you believe weird to be a negative trait or behaviour - I don't and lot's of people don't.

AuntieKippers · 21/05/2016 23:20

It would be racist-its the putting people into a category based on some physical attribute and then generalising about them that's the issue.

OneMagnumisneverenough · 21/05/2016 23:24

I didn't generalise about them though did I? I said some not all.

OneMagnumisneverenough · 21/05/2016 23:27

and being weird isn't a physical attribute either.

AuntieKippers · 21/05/2016 23:29

Yes -that is true. I take it back.
Some of the other comments do come across as ageist though and I probably reacted strongly because there has been so much of it around this weekend.

OneMagnumisneverenough · 21/05/2016 23:33

I agree, I haven't seen much of it but it's usually MIL or men or boys that are getting it in the neck so old people must be the next on the list. My comment definitely wasn't meant that way. I'm cracking on a bit myself! and my DM is 83 and very weird. lol

serin · 21/05/2016 23:33

MN at it's worst again.

I gave up admiring babies/chatting to random mothers after the thread several years back, where a Mum was horrified that a lady called her baby 'cheeky'. I had no idea before that how very sensitive us Mums are.

To call another woman a 'Bitch' is appalling.

FerkTheeesSheet · 21/05/2016 23:34

I have four children, I am a sahm. I have encountered A LOT of negative attitudes and outright ShockShockShock comments and behaviour.
I took all 4 on a bus a few years back, I got asked if they were all by the same dad. I've had that comment a few times actually.
When I had my first DS we had him out in the pram and someone stuck their head in the pram and yanked his dummy out saying that it was disgusting and it was lazy parenting. When he was three days old I had a lecture on why on earth I thought it was appropriate to be out walking such a young baby who shouldn't have seen the light of day for at least two weeks, apparently, and began to mutter about the country going to hell Hmm
Some nasty witch once suggested it was disgusting to have so many children and I should be sterilised.

Can you guess what each of the the above commenters have in common?

And they all came from ladies too! Ladies who could be legitimately termed as elderly, I'm not wanting a flaming from your lovely late-middle aged followers and I know my Mil and own mum ( both late 60s) would never dream of saying stuff like that!!
And I'd also like to point out that I more often get lovely comments, relating to my children's behaviour in public, from lovely people people of all ages.
I'm a fairly laid back person and, now especially, let the witches fly right over my head.
But it's not ok! Just Because you've reached a certain milestone does not give anyone the right to be a complete twat to another person!!

AuntieKippers · 21/05/2016 23:35

Anyone over 60 seems to be fair game -If they are a MIL too so much the better.

OneMagnumisneverenough · 21/05/2016 23:37

Ah well. I'm just about to hit 50 and I have sons so I know what I have to look forward to :(

echt · 21/05/2016 23:38

I'm Shock at "gutted". Really?

Am over 60 so am ready to be flamed for this observation. I'm off the library this arvo so will be on be on my best behaviour.

justkeepongoing · 21/05/2016 23:38

I agree with pp saying the woman could have the start of dementia, my mother has it too sadly.

A11TheSmallTh1ngs · 21/05/2016 23:39

I'd rather be friends with the old lady than the OP or most of the people on this thread.

Being slightly inappropriate or having an old sense of humour is way better than being:
(1) insanely, ludicrously oversensitive or
(2) ageist and nasty

OneMagnumisneverenough · 21/05/2016 23:40

I've already been told I'm a horrible human being (or words to that effect) for hoping my sons chose their partners wisely as clearly I am controlling and I meant that they chose people that would do my bidding rather than meaning people that they loved and loved them back and didn't try to treat his family differently to their own.

FerkTheeesSheet · 21/05/2016 23:40

I'm not up for MIL bashing! My mil is wonderful, she supports me far more than my own mother and knows far more about me!

OneMagnumisneverenough · 21/05/2016 23:42

I didn't know my MIL for too many years before she died, but she was weird! and also a wonderfully loving and warm woman who would give her last penny to anyone in need. I feel richer for having known her.

OneMagnumisneverenough · 21/05/2016 23:46

I feel richer for having known her.

and not because she game me that last penny!

FerkTheeesSheet · 21/05/2016 23:49

Ha, onemagnum - that made me chuckle!

IPityThePontipines · 21/05/2016 23:51

There seems to be a lot of hatred towards elderly people on mumsnet.

Ooohhh yes! Quite a few posts on here serve as quite a good example of this ongoing problem.

However when people say "you wouldn't say that about x group on here", I'd say that some certainly would. There are sadly increasingly more bigoted opinions on here then you might think.

TowerRavenSeven · 21/05/2016 23:52

My MIL said this to me when ds was born. Her exact words were 'he will never be as beautiful as my baby boy' (dh). I was mortified and embarrassed for her. But then again she has this weird competitive thing going with dh and ds. Doesn't she realize that ds is dh's Child? Like its a competition between 'her' child and my child. It's crazy.