"He won't be as handsome as my son. Never mind." Gutted by comment from random woman

[1Potato2]

On Friday I went with Dd and 4 month ds to the library to kill time. Random woman in her early 70s starts chatting about wishing he will live as long as her relation (104 apparently) and finished off with the comment in the title. I didn't process this at the time as I was keeping an eye on Dd and ds was threatening to poop. It has bugged me since. :(. He's a lovely smiley chap and can't help thinking wtaf?! Anyone else experienced this?

Who knows what she really meant by the remark especially as you admit you weren't actually listening properly. I get being over sensitive about your baby, I really remember remarks that were not even rude about my DC which I was too sensitive about (and I knew that at the time).

And at some of the ageist remarks, you will be old too one day if you are lucky and I hope society is a bit more tolerant by then.

She could be nasty.
She could have said it in jest.
She could have some medical issue where she has lost the filter that should kick in before words come out.
We will never know.

FFS. If she is in her 70s, her son will be in his 40s or 50s. Clearly any comparison with the 4m old baby is a joke.

The ageism on MN is shocking. Not just the insults but the assumption that older people are somehow a different species without a right to interact with the rest of us

The ageism on MN is shocking. Not just the insults but the assumption that older people are somehow a different species without a right to interact with the rest of us

Hear hear

I don't think it matters why she said it. Every mother thinks her child is gorgeous and every mother is right.

I'm sorry this upset you OP but really don't sweat it. Her opinion means nothing.

I too go for tongue in cheek.

Why does a random person's opinion matter so much to you OP?

Let it go.

Crikey so what if she thinks her son was the most beautiful baby ever, just a mum wistfully going down memory lane (I do that and my eldest son is only 10!)

She's a bitter old person, they're surprisingly common.

She's a nasty old bitch isn't she ? Forget the old shrew.

Sometimes old people are just weird.

Really ?

You don't just have to kill time there. Also you can get books. For free.

misses point

She's a bitter old person, they're surprisingly common

Because...older people aren't just a subsection of ...people, some whom are lovely, some horrid and most a bit of both. They must conform to some Disneyfied stereotype of an apple-cheeked old granny, or they should fuck off and die. Either way, they should at all times know their place.

This was either a clumsy joke or very rude. The woman's age has nothing to do with it .

Some time ago there was a long thread about ageism on Mumsnet and Justine had to come on and explain why it was being allowed so much.

Recently I've seen "old Hag" "old bitch" "her ancient fanny" written about older women who have got on someones nerves. If a black person annoyed you would you write "stupid n', if an overweight person annoyed you would you write "fat slag". No, and it would be disgusting if you did. Ageism is just as bad.
We are all people and it isn't only the insults its the generalisations that if there is an argument the older woman MUST be in the wrong. I hope MN HQ have a look at some of the recent threads. Of course the older person is not always in the right either but the underlying assumptions are ageist.

Well said, Auntie. I hope that some of the young hags on MN will look back in shame at their current attitudes as they get older.

She had no right to say an ill-judged thing like that.

She had every right to say whatever she wanted. there isn't an approved list of things you can say to mothers and babies-thank god. how boring it would be if there were. And how do you know it is ill judged? Maybe she has a very good eye and correctly assessed that the baby in front of her would never be as handsome as her son. Maybe her son is Daniel Craig?

I'm joking obviously but do people really care that much about their babies being the most beautiful person in the world or handsomer than random 40 year olds. It was a throw away comment that was either straight up true in the woman's mind, or a wistful/funny reference to how a mother is prejudiced in favour of her own child even when that child has grown up, or just a plain conversation filler that went wrong (with the OP).

It is sad that people have so little sense of the ridiculous that they would be angry, gutted, let this prey on their minds, think she is awful, demented, a shrew, and a bitch. Or give a fuck really.

If someone had said that about my baby - especially if they had meant it - I would have thought "god I can't wait to tell this one to dh"

I assume the mothers of the ageist posters on here, bitches, shrews, bitter, nasty.

Or do they only make arsehole remarks when it comes to some older people?

I think it was tongue in cheek too. OP wasn't paying attention and then suddenly realised what words had just been said. Had she been looking at the woman she may well have seen it was said with a smile and a wink.

And she was saying it in the context of wishing the OP's DS a long life. So she was hardly likely to follow it up by randomly slagging him off: "Oo, I hope your lovely baby lives till he's a 100, pity he's ugly though".

Or rather it would have been if the OP had looked at the woman.^^

I would have just laughed and thought to myself we never lose our blinkers about how handsome our own son is, even when we reach seventy. Her comment would not make me angry or offend me. I must certainly would not call an old lady harsh names, I'll be one, one day.

Some posters need to realise that one day their son or daughter is going to be old. They'll still be the same person though and not deserving of nasty remarks just because they've lived a long time.

I really don't think my saying that sometimes old people are weird are really in the same league as saying they were a nasty bitch and a shrew etc. really!!

Sometimes old people are weird. My mum is one of them and proud to be so. and I fully expect to be one too - in fact I'd be okay about being called weird now!

I'm wired very different and never understand how people can take to heart what total random strangers say?!

Laugh it off, she's old & probably making a jokey comment... Even if it was intended to be mean - you'll probably never see her again and who cares?! You clearly think your son is beautiful who cares if a 70 yr old doesn't!

I'm actively looking forward to it

Agreed, AuntieKippers, and in all the examples you quoted ageism and misogyny are present.

It makes the rest of the response irrelevant because it clearly comes from a prejudiced person. I wouldn't ask a racist to judge the behaviour of a black man, their response would be worthless. Same goes for an ageist's opinion on the behaviour of an old person.