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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you say these parents were being unreasonable or a bit stupid?

70 replies

katemiddletonsnudeheels · 21/05/2016 07:14

Another thread just reminded me of this - just wanted to get a 'MN' perspective.

On holiday in turkey with a teenage daughter (15) who is a bit self conscious. Teenage daughter is targeted by local men. Parents find it absolutely hilarious and roar with laughter every time this happens. Daughter is sexually assaulted whilst standing next to her parents on public transport and feels unable to tell them.

On final day of holiday local man asks daughter for date. Parents squeal with delight whooping and laughing (it isn't 'serious', they have no intention of sending daughter on date) but make daughter pose for a photograph with 'suitor.'

Are parents fucking stupid or what? Angry

OP posts:
ineedamoreadultieradult · 21/05/2016 07:15

Yes

mrsfuzzy · 21/05/2016 07:15

total morons.

DoItTooJulia · 21/05/2016 07:16

Were you the teenager?

Upwiththelark53 · 21/05/2016 07:16

Yes

bridgetoc · 21/05/2016 07:17

If what you are saying is accurate and true, I would describe the parents behaviour as very odd!

timelytess · 21/05/2016 07:18

Stupid and unable to deal with their daughter being an adult female.

Original poster
katemiddletonsnudeheels · 21/05/2016 07:18

It was me, DoIt (nearly called you Dolt then, good thing I double checked!)

Weirdly, I think I'd all but forgotten that but a thread about holiday destinations made me remember - I just don't honestly know WTF they were thinking.

OP posts:
sooperdooper · 21/05/2016 07:20

Stupid, and bullying behaviour from the parents :(

penguinplease · 21/05/2016 07:22

Awful.. I was in Turkey with my very tall, very blonde but very young daughter last year and we had lots of inappropriate interest aimed at her.. No way was it funny or anything to make her feel awkward about.
I found it to be quotes scary just how irrelevant her age was. Won't be going back there, was a lovely place but far too stressful.

Sorry if your post is the experience you had. I can imagine it's hard to forgive that.

penguinplease · 21/05/2016 07:22

Quite not quotes... Damn phone

DoItTooJulia · 21/05/2016 07:28

Ah, katem that's not at all nice.

Do you get on with your parents now?

Original poster
katemiddletonsnudeheels · 21/05/2016 07:31

They're dead now - that was the last holiday I had with them IIRC. They (more my mum really) were a bit weird about relationships generally. My brother mentioned something once about not wanting to bring a girlfriend home.

OP posts:
DoItTooJulia · 21/05/2016 07:37

Sorry *katem did you forgive them? There's a very fine line between delighting in your dc's embarrassment and being unkind.

Was it a one off for you? Or was this how your adolescence was?

Original poster
katemiddletonsnudeheels · 21/05/2016 07:40

Honestly, I have very few clear memories of adolescence and the memories I do have feel 'unfair' as I remember things that 'stand out' so I think I have disproportionate memories of the crap stuff.

So I probably had a holiday where things were fine for the full two weeks but there was one row in the middle and I remember the row if you see what I mean.

But that holiday - I was 15, a young woman - and being treated like it was a five year old boy and five year old girl playing kiss chase and they were grown men, well into their thirties I think. It really wasn't funny and could have been dangerous.

OP posts:
DoItTooJulia · 21/05/2016 07:44

Yes, it could have been dangerous. And 15 is such a tender age. I wonder why they did it?

Do you have dc's?

Ditsy4 · 21/05/2016 07:50

Awful. They should have been protecting you. Totally inappropriate response and at 15 you would be squirming with embarrassment.

Original poster
katemiddletonsnudeheels · 21/05/2016 08:03

I've always been a bit useless with relationships, Julia can't imagine why Grin

OP posts:
SlatternIsTrying · 21/05/2016 08:07

How awful for you. I was a late developer in respect of 'dealings' with boys and would not have had a clue what to do in those circumstances, that's when a parent is supposed to step in and either deal with it (my DM has a death stare that Vader would be proud of) or at least help the child in dealing with it themselves.

As you say, at those ages it wasn't 'cute', it could have been dangerous.

ricketytickety · 21/05/2016 08:15

Horrid but I think that some people aren't equipped to handle these things very well and recognise them for what they are. Back then I remember teen girls (friends) being asked how many camels their parents were offered as it was so common. It was all one big joke. But to us teens it was like being thrown to the wolves.

It is dysfunctional but sadly I think fairly common back then.

ForeverLivingMyArse · 21/05/2016 08:22

I had a very similar break in Turkey at that age. My parents actually had to swap hotel rooms with sister and I on a trip one evening as the guide kept phoning our room asking us to come for drinks. We were followed, grabbed and lowered over.

It was horrific. Mum and dad were quite taken aback and very protective although there was the initial laughing it off trade for camel jokes at the start.

Bolograph · 21/05/2016 08:24

Teenage daughter is targeted by local men.

I was in Turkey with my very tall, very blonde but very young daughter last year and we had lots of inappropriate interest aimed at her.. No way was it funny or anything to make her feel awkward about.

It sounds a lovely place to take one's teenage daughters on holiday. Cheap, sunny and filled with misogyny. Delightful.

ShebaShimmyShake · 21/05/2016 08:26

Yes, parents are dangerous morons.

blitheringbuzzards1234 · 21/05/2016 08:27

I think this is awful -it makes me wonder if the parents are worse than ignorant - do they get off on this sort of thing? Or do they not take it seriously as they don't believe that sexual assault really happens?
I know an unbelievably naive older lady who always said that 'these sorts of things didn't happen in my day' (sexual assault of minors) and staunchly kept this up until the Jimmy Savile business. Then she was astonished, 'Oh it really did happen, after all!'
We all need parents who believe us and offer support if 'this sort of thing' happens.

Bolograph · 21/05/2016 08:32

Yes, parents are dangerous morons.

One of the things I hated about having pubescent daughters was other parents, both fathers and mothers, being leery about either my children or their own. The endless encouraging of boyfriends, talk about clothes and makeup as a way to attract boys in an entirely inappropriate way, and (in the limit) the sort of shit the OP posts about. It also appeared that the people who could see paedophiles around every corner were the same people who basically wanted to pimp their children to every passing boy. It's heteronormative, sees women as positioned only by their relationships with men, sends a message that education and achievement is secondary to "finding a man" and is generally vile.

MeMySonAndl · 21/05/2016 08:32

Parents some times are totally stupid because they don't realise their little kid has grown up and unwanted attention has therefore become a big no no.

I remember 2 particular gems of my mother:

  • Insisting repeatedly that I accepted the offer of a pervert design teacher who wanted me to become an intern at his architectural practice. She kept going on and on about why I should accept the offer in front of him, when I could only muster "I don't know" like any other 15 year old afraid of saying no firmly.
  • the other one was a slightly drunk relative of a cousin's bride. He asked me to dance but couldn't keep his hands to himself, so I left him there and went back to sit with my parents. He came to the table and insisted I danced with him and so did my bloody mother, going on and on about what kill joy I was by rejecting him in front of all the other guests at the table. Naturally I felt embarrassed to openly explain what was going on.

To be honest, the root of the problem is that my mother and I had never a relationship were we could communicate openly, I can tell things openly to her now but it is because I have learned to stand my ground in the years we have been apart.

Having said that, I would try to avoid dwelling too much in the subject. You cannot undo the past, so try not to get too overworked about this, as will only hurt you more.

I try to make up for those incidents by trying to make sure that DS feels comfortable to talk to me about anything, knowing that I wouldn't judge him or dismiss his concerns.