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AIBU?

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Original poster

Was DHs reaction unreasonable

120 replies

CalibratedNellyphant · 20/05/2016 19:07

My DH is currently away with work and will be until the end of june.
There is a field at the end of our back garden which the farmer who owned it sold us last year. We haven't decided what to do with it yet.
In order to cut the grass DH bought a ride on lawn mower. He spends quite a bit of time polishing it etc
He has never said that I can't use it but he has never offered to teach me how to use it and he is the only one who has driven it and he likes to be the only one to clean and maintain it.

So DS is due to go on his first camping trip with the beaver scouts in a few weeks. However he has started to get worried about sleeping in a tent so I thought we could practice this weekend in the field. However the grass in the field was really long as it hasn't been cut for ages. So I got the lawn mower out yesterday and I had cut about half the field when I hit something and the lawn mower rolled and I fell off it.

I landed awkwardly and my arm took most of the fall. I'm sure when I fell I heard it crack. I called a friend and he helped me sort the lawn mower out and then took me to hospital where I found out I have broken my arm.The lawn mower is muddy and has a little scratch but it seems totally fine.

So last night I skyped DH and told him I had accidentally crashed the mower and hurt myself. The first thing he said was does the lawn mower still work. I said yes. He then went into this big rant about how I shouldn't have touched his mower and if he gets home and its damaged he will be really cross with me because he has spent a lot of time getting it perfect and I spoilt it.
He carried on for at least 20 minutes and didn't ask about me once.

In the end I told him to calm down and I admit asked if he cared how I was. He huffed a bit and said it was my own stupid fault and he was allowed to be upset about the mower.
I said if he was going to sulk about the lawn mower then I was going to leave him to it and he left the conversation.

He texted me earlier on today to ask if we are Skypeing tonight. I'm still a bit annoyed that he hasn't apologised or asked how I am.
But then am I being unreasonable I do feel bad about the mower but it was an accident and its fine and I'd like to think that if it was the other way around I would ask him if he was ok first.

OP posts:
80Kgirl · 20/05/2016 20:45

Your husband is being a jerk. That said, I can easily imagine my husband reacting in the same way. He has wonderful qualities, but sometimes his reactions are so off I wonder if is not quite NT! I hope you can get through to your DH. Of course, of course, you are more precisious than a lawn mower. Flowers

Original poster
CalibratedNellyphant · 20/05/2016 20:45

I know I probably shouldn't have used the mower. But the grass was pretty long and that's what it's for and I can drive a car and I had worked it out and practice drove it a little before I started the grass.

OP posts:
80Kgirl · 20/05/2016 20:47

Precisious = precious

AuditAngel · 20/05/2016 20:52

He's an arse. DH is desperate for a ride on mower. He bought a self propelling one instead. I can't start it. Apparently 9yo DD can. I no longer feel the need to mow the lawn.

Veterinari · 20/05/2016 20:58

Why does DH get to dictate who uses the mower? Is it because its a 'man-toy' and "ickle woman isn't capable"? Are you not 'allowed' to drive his car either? FFS I can't believe some women facilitate this shite.

You hit something and it overturned - that could have happened to anyone!

Out of interest who bought the mwer - did DH save up his 'personal' money or did he spend family money on the man-toy you're not allowed to touch?
He's being an infantile idiot

Original poster
CalibratedNellyphant · 20/05/2016 20:58

He had used the mower a few times himself whenever the grass needed cutting.

I am not sure what to do about the school run yet but I will sort something.
I have done the weekly shop online and a couple of nice parents are taking the younger two to their activities tomorrow for me.

OP posts:
Original poster
CalibratedNellyphant · 20/05/2016 21:02

DH used the family money from the joint account for the mower. He has never said that I can't use it but he didn't show me how it worked either.

OP posts:
RortyCrankle · 20/05/2016 21:04

Aww OP you crashed his favourite toy - to hell with your broken arm as long as the mower is still working. FFS tell him to grow up and I hope your arm isn't too painful.

PuraVida · 20/05/2016 21:05

Cover the mower in pva glue. Then chuck glitter all over it

Crispbutty · 20/05/2016 21:08

I asked my dp what he would be like if this happened to me.

He said "well your arm would fix itself but I would have to fix the mower"

Angry

I would fill the field with lots of goats. And sell his mower. Grin

Inertia · 20/05/2016 21:15

Love the ideas about skyping the lawnmower and making his bed in the lawnmower shed!

My Dh asks me not to handle heavy machinery while he's away - that's because he worries about me hurting myself. His policy is that cars, machines etc can be replaces- people can't.

Lottielo · 20/05/2016 21:22

He sounds like a bit of a control freak to me. And a total twat.

SabineUndine · 20/05/2016 21:26

I'd just text him you've sold the lawnmower and bought a goat and two sheep instead. He's a jerk.

Bogeyface · 20/05/2016 21:27

If he kicks off further about it and claims that its his then insist that he replaces the money it cost into the joint account, as anything bought purely for one persons use must be paid for by that person alone.

And if it isnt his then you are perfectly entitled to use it. The accident was just that, or is he suggesting you broke your arm just to bloody annoy him?

MistressDeeCee · 20/05/2016 21:28

Its not funny at all but I feel like laughing - the man is upset about a LAWN MOWER that just screams 'crashing bore' to me. The Mower is an inanimate object not his lover fgs! It beggars belief

Sorry he is so insensitive OP - and odd, I might add! Tell someone in real life and see what they say (or don't say, as they'll be shocked and bemused)

My initial reaction knowing me would be to set mower alight (maybe put flowery dress on it first) then send him the videoclip (preferably in slow mo) of his lover Miss Mower buckling and then being burnt to an absolute cinder... ashes to ashes...

I hope you're not in too much pain and that your DS is ok, must have been worrying for him too and especially as he is already nervous about his camping trip and likely knew you were trying to help Flowers

Zaphodsotherhead · 20/05/2016 21:35

Just turn the patch of field over to nature. If your husband isn't going to be about for long periods of time then it's going to get far too long to mow anyway, and sheep and goats come with all the paperwork and movement restrictions and DEFRA stuff. You could get a donkey, though. And then let it scratch its arse on the lawnmower (which sounds more like a toy than anything useful, because to be useful it needs to be out once a week...)

CharleyDavidson · 20/05/2016 21:39

I was reversing off our driveway once when DD1 (15 yo) opened the door to check her coat hadn't caught in the bottom of the door. It yanked the side light off DH's prize landrover. (Not expensive, but his prize posession and something he'd been restoring for months).

I approached telling him that I'd damaged his car with mine that eve. He laughed. Said it was a car. Just a car.

( Did lol at 'your arm will fix itself, I'd have to fix the lawnmower' )

We have a self propelled lawnmower. I can start it, but when I was rather careless starting it one day, I managed to pull a deep strip of skin about the size of a 50p piece off my hand when it caught on the pull cord. The cord stayed, my hand moved and my skin paid the price. I've not used it since unless DH starts it for me!

IAmAPaleontologist · 20/05/2016 21:43

Twat.

I scraped dh's car a few years ago. He hugged me and asked how I was not the car.

Anyway, it is a ride on lawn mower. They are not exactly hard to work, they just get a bit grumpy when they hit bumps and stuff which is pretty inevitable when in a field. It happens. If it hadn't happened to you this time it would have happened to him at some point. Who gives a fig if it has a scratch, it is a fucking lawn mower!

AbernathysFringe · 20/05/2016 21:45

I'm imagining it's my motorcycle, which I feel the same about, polish it, don't like anyone else touching it etc....I can imagine my first reaction being 'is the bike ok' as clearly you are, as you're calling me. I'd then ask if you were ok. I'd then think that it was partly your own fault.
I'm not saying I'm proud of how I'd probably react, just that I do understand. However, I would ask about you, which he didn't. 20 min rant maybe excessive!

TragicallyUnbeyachted · 20/05/2016 21:49

"if you hadn't used/operated the mower he asked you not to touch, you wouldn't have broken your arm...... "

He didn't ask her not to touch it. That's right there in the OP: "He has never said that I can't use it "

Original poster
CalibratedNellyphant · 20/05/2016 21:55

I have texted him and told him I am upset with his reaction last night and he still hasn't apologised to me or asked if I was ok.
He hasn't replied yet

OP posts:
Gide · 20/05/2016 21:57

YANBU. He's being an arse. My DH wouldn't give a crap about the mower. It's probably insured and you're far more important. Hope you heal up soon and without complications.

Cagliostro · 20/05/2016 22:01

Jeez. He's more concerned about a bit of machinery than his wife? He's like a sitcom character Hmm

I'd say when he comes home he can hop into bed with his Mistress Mower

SquinkiesRule · 20/05/2016 22:05

Text him that you've moved all his stuff into the garage to be with the mower, and you hope they will be very happy together.
What an ass.

AcrossthePond55 · 20/05/2016 22:07

What a prick!

My DH also has a riding mower that he prizes a great deal (what is that all about anyway?). I have no idea how to operate it but, like you, I expect I could if I wanted to. The last thing DH does before he goes away, even for a few days, is mow our lawn and pastures so I 'don't have to do it'. In reality I expect it's because he doesn't want me messing with the mower.

But if I did, and broke my arm I guarantee that the last thing he'd be concerned about would be that damn mower. Once all the hullabaloo had died down he'd probably say he wished I hadn't tried to mow, but that would be about it.

I agree to let him Skype with the mower. And for good measure I'd probably tell him that since the mower means so to him, that I hope it has a vagina because mine will be off limits until I get a sincere apology.