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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was DHs reaction unreasonable

120 replies

CalibratedNellyphant · 20/05/2016 19:07

My DH is currently away with work and will be until the end of june.
There is a field at the end of our back garden which the farmer who owned it sold us last year. We haven't decided what to do with it yet.
In order to cut the grass DH bought a ride on lawn mower. He spends quite a bit of time polishing it etc
He has never said that I can't use it but he has never offered to teach me how to use it and he is the only one who has driven it and he likes to be the only one to clean and maintain it.

So DS is due to go on his first camping trip with the beaver scouts in a few weeks. However he has started to get worried about sleeping in a tent so I thought we could practice this weekend in the field. However the grass in the field was really long as it hasn't been cut for ages. So I got the lawn mower out yesterday and I had cut about half the field when I hit something and the lawn mower rolled and I fell off it.

I landed awkwardly and my arm took most of the fall. I'm sure when I fell I heard it crack. I called a friend and he helped me sort the lawn mower out and then took me to hospital where I found out I have broken my arm.The lawn mower is muddy and has a little scratch but it seems totally fine.

So last night I skyped DH and told him I had accidentally crashed the mower and hurt myself. The first thing he said was does the lawn mower still work. I said yes. He then went into this big rant about how I shouldn't have touched his mower and if he gets home and its damaged he will be really cross with me because he has spent a lot of time getting it perfect and I spoilt it.
He carried on for at least 20 minutes and didn't ask about me once.

In the end I told him to calm down and I admit asked if he cared how I was. He huffed a bit and said it was my own stupid fault and he was allowed to be upset about the mower.
I said if he was going to sulk about the lawn mower then I was going to leave him to it and he left the conversation.

He texted me earlier on today to ask if we are Skypeing tonight. I'm still a bit annoyed that he hasn't apologised or asked how I am.
But then am I being unreasonable I do feel bad about the mower but it was an accident and its fine and I'd like to think that if it was the other way around I would ask him if he was ok first.

OP posts:
pointythings · 20/05/2016 19:36

I'd be putting the lawnmower on eBay and his things on the doorstep for him.

ShizeItsWeegie · 20/05/2016 19:36

My DH wouldn't give a rats arse about the mower either. Let the field grow and allow a local farmer to cut it for hay in exchange for the hay. Saves your DH being in love with an inanimate object ffs. I wouldn't Sky Type him either or answer the phone - what a tosser. Get well soon OP.

GloGirl · 20/05/2016 19:37

I could almost almost consider forgiving DH for reacting as he did when first told. Sometimes a bit of fear and panic sets us off down a rant when actually what we are thinking is "Thank goodness you didn't get run over by the lawn mover".

However, the fact that he wouldn't grovel, or be concerned how I was coping after breaking my arm would just tip me over the edge.

By the sounds of how precious his lawn mower is, I bet it's kept undercover and I would absolutely set him up a bed next to it, take a photo and say I hope he's sleeping well whilst he's away because you have made alternate arrangements for when he gets back.

If he's still being a dick head I would follow through that threat!

HappyNevertheless · 20/05/2016 19:38

No it's not just you.

I have to say, I would be tempted to send him a text saying that you are not sure if you can as your arm is still very painful.

In reality I would try to be the bigger person there and would talk to him. But really you need to manage to get through him that his reaction was NOT ok.

Backingvocals · 20/05/2016 19:38

Of course that's not on.

My amateur shrink interpretation is that he feels defensive that he's not there to perform manly duties and thinks he might be judged for this by others so easier to blame you than feel guilty himself. Not saying he should feel guilty. I'm sure he's away for good reasons. But I'm guessing he feels his reputation as manly family provider and doer of tough tasks for you all is in jeopardy.

Either that or he's just being a bog standard arsehole.

StarryIllusion · 20/05/2016 19:38

"no, when I want to talk to a cock, I'll change Ds's nappy. (only works if you have a young DS but I'm sure you can improvise :p )btw I'm using your credit card to pay for takeaway since I can't cook with a broken arm." What a prick. Can't believe his first reaction wasn't "are you okay?" Hope your arm feels better.

Original poster
CalibratedNellyphant · 20/05/2016 19:39

Thank you my arms ok with painkillers.
A lovely parent did the school run for me today , though I'm not sure what to do for the next few weeks (I have 3 DCs so it's a big ask)
I'm mostly just feeling sorry for myself and a bit guilty because the DCs still wanted to practice camping but I have postponed it for now because I'm not sure how I would get the tent up etc and my arm hurts enough without sleep ing on the ground.

OP posts:
Pooseyfrumpture · 20/05/2016 19:39

i can't decide which of these ideas I like the most:
I would Skype him tonight with the computer facing the mower and leave him too it.
or
I would Skype him with TWO arms in slings and a huge bandage around your head.
Perhaps you could do one today and save one for tomorrow?

NapQueen · 20/05/2016 19:41

The Skype with the lawnmower is a brilliant idea. Maybe you could rig up some flashcards and pull them down regularly.

"Hi X, I've missed you. I'm a lonely lawnmower"
"Your wife was a good ride but I got bored so chucked her off"
"She's broken her arm, if you care"
"I'm in a bit of a state"
"Your wife isn't happy. Which is bad news for you"
"But good for me. Come join me in the shed when you get home"

Scicilly · 20/05/2016 19:42

I'm genuinely gobsmacked. My dh would have to do ALOT to cone bavk from that. I'm sorry about your accident, that must have been scary! Xxx

Passionfruitpavlova · 20/05/2016 19:42

Feeling SO sorry for you right now OP. Have you got family nearby or friends who can help out? Your OH is seriously out of order here. If it were me I'd be furious with him and also disappointed. Good luck and hope you feel a lot better soon Flowers

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 20/05/2016 19:43

Text back and say "No, but I'll make sure the mower is available"

EnidButton · 20/05/2016 19:43

I'd do what Bailey suggested and stick a sign to it saying fuck you.

What an absolute arsehole. Is this out of character for him or is he usually so self centred and thoughtless?

Putting a lawnmower before his own wife. Being possessive over a machine. Expecting grass to stop growing until his return. Stopping his DC from having their worries eased and from using the field. Total dick.

I hope you feel better soon and your arm heals well. Flowers

AnyFucker · 20/05/2016 19:43

Get your farmer pal to shoot the lawnmower up with his shotgun

Then send pictures to your dick of a husband

RhodaBorrocks · 20/05/2016 19:44

I would totally set up the Skype with the mower for him. Hope your arm heals well OP.

HappyNevertheless · 20/05/2016 19:44

Actually you have a very good point.

With your arm out of action, you won't be able to drive which will be a huge problem to take 3 dcs to school, after school activities, preparing the DC stuff to go camping etc etc.

I would ask him if he actually think that his lawnmower is more important than your health (it could well have been more serious than that, eg I of you had banged your head on a stone).
And then ask him how he thinks you are going to cope on a day to day basis.
Maybe tell him you will have to sold the law over on eBay to pay for taxi and a cleaner Wink as you can't possibly cope with 3 dcs on yoour own.
And then let him stew.

More Serioulsy, will you be OK to take all the dcs to school etc in the next 6 weeks? Do you have any idea of how you will be able to handle it?

EnidButton · 20/05/2016 19:45

Actually scrap the fuck you sign and do what Nap said except on one big placard so you can leave them to it and not waste any of your time.

leghoul · 20/05/2016 19:46

I like the goat suggestion

yanbu OP, but some people can express concern in odd ways.. perhaps he was angry as you could have been even more hurt?

I'd go for the goat/ skype with the mower

ivykaty44 · 20/05/2016 19:47

My dad has this when a woman crashed a car into his truck, when the dh turned up he was not in the slightest concerned about whether his wife was ok. The dh was only concerned about his car, even when my dad said I can see his priority isnt you to the wife.

Some people are just not concerned about the wellfair of a spouse or partner over an innate object

TendonQueen · 20/05/2016 19:47

"Text back and say "No, but I'll make sure the mower is available" - this! That is a crappy reaction and he should have apologised when it was pointed out at the very least.

AugustaFinkNottle · 20/05/2016 19:50

Please use Napqueen's cards.

What on earth did he think you were supposed to do about the field? If you left it unmown till the end of June it would be a jungle out there.

Re the tent - can you get the DCs to put it up under your instructions? It would be ever such good practice for camping for them.

Sn0tnose · 20/05/2016 19:52

Bloody hell, what an arse. I love Bailey's idea!

VerbenaGirl · 20/05/2016 19:53

Yes! He was being very unreasonable!

Bogeyface · 20/05/2016 19:54

definitely put the mower on Skype.

LumpySpacedPrincess · 20/05/2016 19:54

I wouldn't reply, at all, for a loooooooong time.