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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was DHs reaction unreasonable

120 replies

CalibratedNellyphant · 20/05/2016 19:07

My DH is currently away with work and will be until the end of june.
There is a field at the end of our back garden which the farmer who owned it sold us last year. We haven't decided what to do with it yet.
In order to cut the grass DH bought a ride on lawn mower. He spends quite a bit of time polishing it etc
He has never said that I can't use it but he has never offered to teach me how to use it and he is the only one who has driven it and he likes to be the only one to clean and maintain it.

So DS is due to go on his first camping trip with the beaver scouts in a few weeks. However he has started to get worried about sleeping in a tent so I thought we could practice this weekend in the field. However the grass in the field was really long as it hasn't been cut for ages. So I got the lawn mower out yesterday and I had cut about half the field when I hit something and the lawn mower rolled and I fell off it.

I landed awkwardly and my arm took most of the fall. I'm sure when I fell I heard it crack. I called a friend and he helped me sort the lawn mower out and then took me to hospital where I found out I have broken my arm.The lawn mower is muddy and has a little scratch but it seems totally fine.

So last night I skyped DH and told him I had accidentally crashed the mower and hurt myself. The first thing he said was does the lawn mower still work. I said yes. He then went into this big rant about how I shouldn't have touched his mower and if he gets home and its damaged he will be really cross with me because he has spent a lot of time getting it perfect and I spoilt it.
He carried on for at least 20 minutes and didn't ask about me once.

In the end I told him to calm down and I admit asked if he cared how I was. He huffed a bit and said it was my own stupid fault and he was allowed to be upset about the mower.
I said if he was going to sulk about the lawn mower then I was going to leave him to it and he left the conversation.

He texted me earlier on today to ask if we are Skypeing tonight. I'm still a bit annoyed that he hasn't apologised or asked how I am.
But then am I being unreasonable I do feel bad about the mower but it was an accident and its fine and I'd like to think that if it was the other way around I would ask him if he was ok first.

OP posts:
TemperanceBrennan · 20/05/2016 19:56

Bailey101 😂 OP, you should so do this

Scarydinosaurs · 20/05/2016 19:58

Without a doubt DO NOT Skype him tonight. What is the point? He doesn't give a shit that you broke your arm! You fell off the mower. That could have happened to anyone. He is a prick.

Canyouforgiveher · 20/05/2016 19:58

I would Skype him tonight with the computer facing the mower and leave him too it. If he's so concerned about the mower, I'm sure he'd love a chance to ask it how it's feeling hmm

please do this. With the notecards suggested.

At the very least I would text him back and say "no, I have no interest in talking to someone who values a lawnmower over a human being. In addition my broken arm - remember that? - is too painful*

CassandraAusten · 20/05/2016 19:58

My DH has a ride on mower that he loves, and he would be v upset if I rolled it.

But you've broken your arm FFS! Even my DH agrees yours is BU.

Cheby · 20/05/2016 20:01

Ok, I like the idea of skyping him and then just leaving it facing the mower. 😀

On a practical note OP, have a chat to school on Monday. My DSis (single parent) badly broke her leg last and the school arranged for a staff member to walk past her house and pick up DN on her way in.

CocktailQueen · 20/05/2016 20:01

So he's polished the bloody lawnmower but not actually cut the damn grass with it, so you had to do it? What an arse.

And what an unsympathetic cock.

Ebay the lawnmower. Or better still , ebay your husband.

Hope your arm is better soon!

pigsDOfly · 20/05/2016 20:04

Love the idea of setting up the skyp with the mower. I wouldn't even bother with the flash cards, as brilliant as the idea of them is, I'd just set the laptop facing the mower and leave it there.

Then sell the mower and buy a few goats, much nicer than a smelly old mower and better for the planet.

Oh and you could make your own cheese. I love goats' cheese.

Hope you're better soon OP

CheeseCake2016 · 20/05/2016 20:09

You could point out to him that by the time he comes home at the end of June the unmown grass in the firld will be 12-18 inches high and it will need a tractor mower to cut it, his ride-on will never cope. He will also have a load of silage/hay to do something with. You did him a favour by at least mowing some of the field for him and he should be grateful. I would ask him what his plan is as now as you have a broken arm you can't do it. And why is it his mower if it was bought with family money.

A1Sharon · 20/05/2016 20:11

OP YANBU!! Your DH is being such an arse.
DH had a brand new car. A 'good' one. About 48 hrs he had it, when I completely forgot about it and reversed quickly right smack into it.
After an exclamation, expletive and checking the damage he got back into my car. I was driving him to see a friend at the pub.
He said not a word until we were nearly there, then said, "I know you didn't mean it, it's ok, forget about it".
The man is a saint. Your DH is really, very, very odd. It is not a normal reaction to your wife breaking her arm. Has he never displayed this type of behaviour before? Mope you're not in too much pain. Please to the lawn mower in view for Skype thing. Arse.
(The damage to DHs car was £4000! Blush!!)

StrictlyMumDancing · 20/05/2016 20:13

I would Skype him tonight with the computer facing the mower and leave him too it. If he's so concerned about the mower, I'm sure he'd love a chance to ask it how it's feeling hmm

Please do this.
Your DH has been a complete arse

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 20/05/2016 20:13

Also get some spray paint and paint a daily mail sad face on it.

MrSnow · 20/05/2016 20:15

You did what to his lawnmower? Why couldn't you have just camped in the back garden? Doesn't he have anything that's just his?

Boomingmarvellous · 20/05/2016 20:19

Can't believe you broke your area and he's ranting about a bloody piece of machinery?

My ex (note ex) husband asked me how on earth I had crashed the car, just before our neighbour pointed out I was ok and that was the only thing that mattered.

Reader I married him!

Your husband is a twat and I hope you don't manage any further contact with him with your arm in plaster!

Clandestino · 20/05/2016 20:20

I second the idea of letting your DH have a nice Skype discussion with the mower. You have a nice glass of wine while they are having a loving conversation.

GraysAnalogy · 20/05/2016 20:21

Yes OP I can't believe you broke your area. Is your area okay? Wink

Sorry blooming it just made me laugh

littlemonkey5 · 20/05/2016 20:21

I asked DH just now if I had broken my wrist whilst using his Makita drill (a piece of kit he can't do his job without), what would be his reaction and he said (and I quote) "after taking you to hospital, I would either get my drill fixed or buy a new one, the drill is replaceable, you aren't"

I can, on the other hand see where your DH is coming from though because if you hadn't used/operated the mower he asked you not to touch, you wouldn't have broken your arm......

I do think your DH has a right to be annoyed/angry but AFTER being concerned for your wellbeing first.......

TBH I go nuts when one of the children hurt themselves when they do something they shouldn't be doing, I don't mean to, it is just my natural reaction then, almost a split second later, I am all cuddles and patching them up. If DH was there and an accident happens, I go a bit mental at him for not preventing them from hurting themselves because I spend almost every waking hour trying to avoid them harming themselves - I work really really hard!! So when they do get hurt when not on my watch, I despair!

Hopefully he will realise he has over reacted on the mower and under reacted on your injury.

MrSnow · 20/05/2016 20:23

I wonder what he would have said if you told him you broke your arm first and scratched the lawnmower after?

orangebird69 · 20/05/2016 20:25

Sell the fucking thing. Cheeky twat.

fastdaytears · 20/05/2016 20:30

Twat. So sorry about your arm.

He needs to come up with a good apology gesture and also help you figure out how to get the DC to school.

thewookieswife · 20/05/2016 20:32

Just ran this by my husband ( who it turns out is also an Arse ) and he said she shouldn't have been on it ! So I pushed for more and he said he'd be pissed off with me if I'd done that ( and yes - it's the sort of thing I'd do too as I'm often left to hold the fort while he's away working )
He did add that while he's away and unable to help the last thing he needs is to be worrying about me and what I might be getting up to with heavy equipment that if not usually use ...

So a view from the other side - that said if I was you I'd be setting the Skype call up for the mower to receive too !

Hope your arm mends soon WineCakeBrewChocolateFlowers

Theoretician · 20/05/2016 20:33

Sounds like a communication problem. "Hurt myself" would translate as something like a bruise in my mind. If she had led with broken arm and mentioned that crashing lawnmower had caused it she might have got a different reaction. In effect she set the agenda by (a) leading with the lawnmower crash and (b) describing the injury as though it were a hundred times less serious than it was.

I think someone who waits to be asked before telling you they've broken their arm is being rather hard work.

dontcallmethatyoucunt · 20/05/2016 20:34

Oooooh no, MY DH would never think of anything other than meeeee.

Ripeberry · 20/05/2016 20:40

What kind of weirdo polishes a mower? Seriously!

shillwheeler · 20/05/2016 20:40

YANBU. Hope your arm heals soon. Can't understand it when people put damage to an innate repairable object over harm to those they love, though afraid some of my nearest and dearests' first concern would be for their car/bike/mower.

Just a thought, think I may have read in this thread your OH hasn't used the mower much. Just wondering if that could be relevant to his reaction. TBH these ride-on mowers are pretty easy to use (our 10YO can use ours), but they often don't fare well in fields as opposed to manicured lawns! Just wondering if your OH may be a bit sensitive because he's made an expensive mistake in buying it, but would rather not admit it.

No excuse for behaving like that, though, and sheep/goats would be better. Love the Skype/mower idea though.

Canyouforgiveher · 20/05/2016 20:45

*I can, on the other hand see where your DH is coming from though because if you hadn't used/operated the mower he asked you not to touch, you wouldn't have broken your arm......

I do think your DH has a right to be annoyed/angry but AFTER being concerned for your wellbeing first.......*

He never asked her not to touch it. and if he had and reacted the same way I would still think he was an unkind arse. But I'm funny about relationships-I have this weird thing where I'd expect my husband to actually give more of a shit about me than whether I touched one of his toys without permission. Luckily I managed to find another weird one to marry.

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