Embarrassed and upset. Was I wrong?

[fatandembarrassed]

Nc for this

I recently had to take an 11 hour flight. I'm quite pregnant at the moment - not close to my due date, but it's very obvious and I am pretty big now. I was cleared to fly but warned that I must walk about as much as possible.

I didn't have much notice of this flight and so didn't have spare money, so I booked an economy seat next to the toilet, for obvious reasons, and with extra legroom. It was fine, but about 4 hours into the flight, I realised my ankles were swelling, so I got up and started to walk about a bit.

I felt a bit embarrassed, but I was in a fair bit of pain with my ankles and Braxton Hicks contractions, so I persevered very slowly and in complete silence, making my way along the aisles which wasn't easy in Economy as it was very tight. I then walked up and down the Business Class aisle. Nobody looked up or seemed disturbed by me, and it was easier to walk, so I walked up and down that section twice which took me about five minutes.

Next thing I knew, a male flight attendant marched up to me, put his hand on my arm and told me that I was disturbing passengers who had paid more than me, and that I might be pregnant but it was 'not an excuse' to 'make a disturbance'. I was quite shocked to be told I was disturbing anyone - I was very quiet and slow, and there for less than 5 min.

I was really upset to have him talk to me like that, both touching me and implying that I was just being a 'nuisance' to people who were clearly 'better' than me. I ended up crying because I was so humiliated (hate having to walk anyway and draw attention to myself), in horrible pain and having contractions.

Was I being unreasonable here? DH is very upset that I was treated like this and I really didn't think I was doing anything terribly wrong.

I'm just astounded that people think that putting up with someone walking by is a major act of self-sacrifice.

The attitude on mn is if you have paid for it or reserved it then you must have it regardless of the needs of others. There are lots of similar threads, including ones on trains being some of the most entertaining.

In war time there was nothing to reserve or buy so having more money didnt make you more entitled....

OP the FA was an arse. Whatever the rules a polite 'please can you walk the other side of the curtain madam' would have sufficed.

Oh dear, am I the only one that thinks the op is not BU? She's heavily pregnant! And you need to walk down the aisle when you get on the plane don't you?! What are you supposed to do, hover?

I asked my DH (who takes a fair few long haul flights) and he just chuckled and said "of course I wouldn't complain...what's wrong with people"

I'm prepared for a flaming

it's not nice to think we're living in a world where someone might be so offended by another persons touch in a normal, unthreatening situation

I'm pretty sure being told off and made to leave somewhere isn't really an 'unthreatening' situation. He could easily have achieved the same results without doing it.

You were out of order ..... everyone thinks you were out of order but you don't agree. Hey ho...

No, not everyone thinks venturing the wrong side of a curtain is a capital offence. Have you read all the replies?

a man inappropriately put his hands on me

It wasn't 'inappropriate'. Not sure what his gender has to do with it either. Woukd you be complaining if a female had done it.

It also wasn't 'abuse'!

I don't think people stay sat nicely in their seats after a plane crash Puzzled.

Just look at the TV footage after recent plane crashes. Bits of plane, seats and bodies are strewn over an area covering hundreds of metres at least.

You were out of order ..... everyone thinks you were out of order but you don't agree. Hey ho...

No they don't Cream

I think YABU as most have said, it's not the done thing on a plane I'm afraid.

Flight attendants can be rude though. I had one on my BA flight from LA - London last year. He was exceptionally rude to an American gentleman before we'd even taken off, it was uncomfortable to watch, and he generally had a very bad attitude. I was there to review the flight for my newspaper, it was a fabulous brand new plane and everyone else working on it was utterly lovely but he was our main attendant and left a very poor impression.

Crikey OP get over yourself. You paid for an economy ticket, you stay in economy. Economy is more cramped and uncomfortable and trickier to negotiate "people sticking legs out in the aisle" - yep that's what economy is like! Pretty much everyone has said YABU - face it - you were!

People pay a lot of money to travel in business class, so yes, they are going to complain if others who haven't paid wander around there.

Being pregnant isn't an excuse for preferential treatment, the flight attendant was correct. I'm guessing you'd say it wasn't the pregnancy per se, it was because you had swollen ankles and cramps. Why should they let you wander around there and not other passengers who feel dreadful? People who have got headaches or bad backs or stiff joints or hip replacements don't have the right to wander around in BC because they're feeling shit - and I very much doubt you'd agree they do. I think you probably felt entitled to walk through the curtain simply because you're pregnant + feeling rough, as if the pregnancy is some kind of access all areas pass.

If the flight attendant assaulted you, then write a letter of complaint. If he tapped you on the shoulder or placed a gentle shooing hand on your arm/back then sorry you should suck it up.

You didn't like being told off - no one does.

I imagine bumped passengers are allocated the seat they sit in too. It would be a health and safety issue if they weren't. In any case it's a bit of a distraction from the story here.

The fa was an arse! YNBU at all. Sod the business class, you need to walk around, so what was the problem? Know your place seems to be the tone on here & on planes as well! 😒😡

Did you notice if there were any spare seats in BC? If so, maybe you could have asked to sit down in one. Who on earth could object to this?

Pregnant lady comes on mumsnet to post about a situation that made her feel vulnerable and embarrassed she explains how she was ill on a flight and was upset by her treatment and didn't like having a man touch her.

200 posts mainly berating her, picking apart her every word and generally being nasty and vile to her until she snaps

Once she snaps the 200 posters pat themselves on the back Exclaiming and they were right!

You called it AIBU cool girls, you put that pregnant woman who dared to be ill on a flight and venture into the business class zone in her place you must be so proud

Fireside, yes, the cabin crew absolutely know who has paid the full fare and who has been upgraded into another cabin.

IMO, you would have been better to approach the crew in your section and explain how you were feeling - given your symptoms and anxiety they may have been able to make you more comfortable.

It is the job of the crew to keep business and first class cabins exclusive to those who are travelling in them. It's not a class thing, it's a product thing. You pay your money, you get the product you have chosen/can afford. I actually don't like telling people they can't use certain facilities, however, it does have to be done sometimes. Personally I would apologise and ask you to leave........ The crew member who spoke to you does sound very rude indeed.

I don't think the OP was unreasonable either wicca and the FAs comments were rude.

I mentioned trains before - I didn't mean people should sit in first class, but they might simply be walking through the aisles to stretch their legs or visit the toilet or buffet car. Should they not do this?

I used to travel first class on trains for work but we're not allowed to any more to save money which it doesn't actually do because now we have to pay for food and parking at the station that was included before and the last time I did this there were people walking through all the time to catch a glimpse of the famous person who was sat in the seat in front of me.

Were they all being unreasonable?

The vast majority agree she was unreasonable. Better DailyMail?

I'd bet a tenner that the op would not have cared about the Steward touching her arm if it was to escort her in to BC. Seriously.

I actually was in your situation OP, and did pretty much the same thing

I was told by the steward that I might like to come over to the bit where they keep the food/drinks as there'd be space for me to move/stretch a bit without being in anyone's way.

They were nothing but kind. (BA)

I don't think you deserve to be treated badly by the steward or to be lambasted by all the incredibly hard nosed lacking-in-compassion keyboard warriors on here

You called it AIBU cool girls

Cool girls... have we suddenly become schoolchildren?

People are allowed to disagree with the OP.

And I have been lucky enough to fly in every different 'class' over the years, and it certainly won't bother me or dh to have a very pregnant woman walking around!

I'm sorry for you, Op. I am a frequent flyer. I would not have cared if you were walking around with your pregnant self unless you had a squirrel on your head or were disrupting my fabulous in flight meal service.

Know your place seems to be the tone on here

No it certainly isn't! Unless you know the status and income of posters on here.

No snore. Pregnant woman comes on AIBU to ask if SWBU, she is told yes. Pregnant woman subsequently switches the wording to make it more emotive and people still think SIBU. Pregnant woman then starts the heaven forbid if I went into Labour nonsense and is called on it. Pregnant woman flounces because the majority disagree with her. Alongside this a whole bunch of people argue about classism etc.

I think you were in the right as the walking was for medical reason, which you could have explained to the FA if he had been nicer to you.
He probably was very ignorant and that's why he reacted like that. Put it behind you (or write a letter of complaint to the company if it helps) and get a big hug from your OH. You did nothing wrong and the pregnancy hormones will have made you feel more emotional than usual.
Get a letter from your doctor (and compression socks) if you need to fly again, you were as much entitled to walk as anyone else with health problems and increased risks of thrombosis.

I've travelled long haul a lot, and sorry OP but pregnant or not I wouldn't dream of venturing into a higher travel class cabin. The only time I ever did was in business class on Emirates when the FA said it was ok to use the 1st class loos.

Fireside, yes, the cabin crew absolutely know who has paid the full fare and who has been upgraded into another cabin.

Good to know, but I was just trying to point out that not everyone in BC will be an entitled, hard hearted arse with too much money, which is what a tiny handful of posters seemed to imply. The flight attendant did his job, maybe too firmly, but the passengers aren't to blame.