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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Embarrassed and upset. Was I wrong?

819 replies

fatandembarrassed · 20/05/2016 09:20

Nc for this

I recently had to take an 11 hour flight. I'm quite pregnant at the moment - not close to my due date, but it's very obvious and I am pretty big now. I was cleared to fly but warned that I must walk about as much as possible.

I didn't have much notice of this flight and so didn't have spare money, so I booked an economy seat next to the toilet, for obvious reasons, and with extra legroom. It was fine, but about 4 hours into the flight, I realised my ankles were swelling, so I got up and started to walk about a bit.

I felt a bit embarrassed, but I was in a fair bit of pain with my ankles and Braxton Hicks contractions, so I persevered very slowly and in complete silence, making my way along the aisles which wasn't easy in Economy as it was very tight. I then walked up and down the Business Class aisle. Nobody looked up or seemed disturbed by me, and it was easier to walk, so I walked up and down that section twice which took me about five minutes.

Next thing I knew, a male flight attendant marched up to me, put his hand on my arm and told me that I was disturbing passengers who had paid more than me, and that I might be pregnant but it was 'not an excuse' to 'make a disturbance'. I was quite shocked to be told I was disturbing anyone - I was very quiet and slow, and there for less than 5 min.

I was really upset to have him talk to me like that, both touching me and implying that I was just being a 'nuisance' to people who were clearly 'better' than me. I ended up crying because I was so humiliated (hate having to walk anyway and draw attention to myself), in horrible pain and having contractions.

Was I being unreasonable here? DH is very upset that I was treated like this and I really didn't think I was doing anything terribly wrong.

OP posts:
karalime · 20/05/2016 11:30

I think you were both bu.

He was rude, he should have taken you to the back of the plane where you could potter about, get some snacks and chat with the other flight attendants rather than get snotty to you.

DailyMailFodder · 20/05/2016 11:31

I'm a bit sceptical that the flight attendant said what you think he said. It justs unlikely. Are you sure you didn't mishear or that you have forgotten what he actually said. You don't mention what you said to him, is it possible he thought you were arguing back with him?

I also think you really over reacted - I guess it's those pregnancy hormones. Confused Crying in the toilet seems quite an extreme reaction. You mentioned you were embarrassed just walking up and down in Economy which suggests you are very easily embarrassed. It wouldn't cross my mind to be embarrassed just for stretching my legs. I also don't understand why you would feel 'humiliated' for being in the wrong cabin or for being spoken to by the Flight attendant. I doubt anyone gave it a moments thought.

I fly business and first and in general I like that the cabins are quiet although if I knew someone had a medical issue that meant they had to walk around then of course I wouldn't mind.

I more than happy when flight attendants stop other people (especially parents with toddlers walking around. )

YABU in general and YABU to worry about this afterwards. I'd put it out my mind as just one of those things. I think you made a mistake but it's of no consequence whatsoever - these things happen.

Hope you are feeling better.

Pinkheart5915 · 20/05/2016 11:31

I'm sorry you were upset and the flight attendant does sound like he was rude but he was just doing his job you hadn't paid for business class so shouldn't of been in there.

CoolforKittyCats · 20/05/2016 11:32

Good to know, but I was just trying to point out that not everyone in BC will be an entitled, hard hearted arse with too much money, which is what a tiny handful of posters seemed to imply

Exactly.

Plus derogatory comments such as elite granny doesnt exactly help your case.

Original poster
fatandembarrassed · 20/05/2016 11:35

I was addressing the previous poster 'granny of mine' - '...elite, granny'. Not 'elite granny'.

OP posts:
hmcAsWas · 20/05/2016 11:38

Yabu - but I think the air steward should have been more diplomatic / kindly / sensitive in how he spoke to you

Tallulahoola · 20/05/2016 11:38

Technically you shouldn't have been in business but what kind of arse of a passenger would complain about it? I'm not of the opinion that pregnant women should automatically get privileges, but what happened to a little bit of human kindness?

PanGalaticGargleBlaster · 20/05/2016 11:38

If it was long haul I assume you would have been flying in a 777, 747 or some other large aircraft. The economy seating area for each would have taken up at lesst half the airplane, so plenty of space to go and stretch your legs without having to enter business/first class. Have to say I am also a bit sceptical that a flight attendant would have spoken to you in that way, as someone else has already mentioned they would be in serious trouble if it were true.

Pagwatch · 20/05/2016 11:39

I know hindsight is a wonderful thing but it would have been so much better if you had spoken to someone when you got on.

I always grab the flight attendant, tell them about DS2s issues and what I need them to do. They are always incredibly helpful and kind.

TheFairyCaravan · 20/05/2016 11:40

I'm another who is shocked that the steward said that, if he did.

I boarded a plane 3 weeks ago, in obvious pain, and on crutches. I was first on because I have special assistance. The senior member of the air crew noticed that I was in pain and she went out of her way to check on me, offer me glasses of water, see if there was anything they could get me, for the whole 4 hour flight.

What airline was it? Have you complained because I'd imagine they'd want to hear about it.

waterfallsandmountains · 20/05/2016 11:43

I think using words like 'touching me inappropriately' is a bit ott unless he really did?

I feel for your condition on the plane OP, but do think that there will be plenty of people feeling rubbish on any given flight, esp long haul, and it would be a nightmare if they all started ambling about in BC.

Yes he should have spoken more kindly to you though given the circumstances.

WorraLiberty · 20/05/2016 11:43

Oh dear, am I the only one that thinks the op is not BU? She's heavily pregnant! And you need to walk down the aisle when you get on the plane don't you?! What are you supposed to do, hover?

How about walking up and down the aisle in Economy rather than in BC when she hasn't paid to be in there? Confused

Also, I'm not sure the OP has described herself as 'heavily pregnant'?

Puzzledandpissedoff · 20/05/2016 11:43

I don't think people stay sat nicely in their seats after a plane crash Puzzled

No, of course they don't - but apparently where folk have been seated can still be of value to crash investigators. It's a hell of a big subject and way beyond my experise, but some of the issues are contained in this: www.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/375909/Guidance_Pub_version_High_amend.pdf

anotherdayanothersquabble · 20/05/2016 11:46

I am sorry you had such a horrific journey. I remember feeling particularly vulnerable when flying pregnant, not wanted to make a spectacle of myself lifting my bag into the overhead locker and being denyed help from a stewardess and also the horror of Braxton Hicks while flying (I wonder if somehow they are linked). Your reaction to his lack of compassion and him touching you are most probably very primitive and natural reactions of protection.

The whole 'class' thing is a reflection of a world that once was... and sadly, lower classes were badly treated, whether sick, in need, desperate etc and occasionally we still get glimpses of this in the modern world. There are many many people who think they have earned their privileges and anyone who hasn't is either lazy or stupid.

Pagwatch · 20/05/2016 11:47

Yes TheFairyCaravan,

Someone up thread said 'what would you complain about' but I would.
I'm certain they would want to know that a heavily pregnant woman was told she was bothering people who had paid more and was offered zero assistance.
It's quite extraordinary. I flew on my own at 6 moths pregnant with my toddler. I was in economy. It was an 8 hour flight. The staff were bloody brilliant. It was a long time ago though

I'm still shocked that no one intervened.

firesidechat · 20/05/2016 11:48

Technically you shouldn't have been in business but what kind of arse of a passenger would complain about it? I'm not of the opinion that pregnant women should automatically get privileges, but what happened to a little bit of human kindness?

NONE OF THE PASSENGERS COMPLAINED. Sorry for shouting, but this keeps being said and it's not true. I'm sure the op would have said if anyone had complained and she said none of the passengers were paying her any attention. It was the flight attendant doing his job.

ephemeralfairy · 20/05/2016 11:48

I've worked in customer service roles my whole life and I would NEVER speak to someone the way the flight attendant spoke to you REGARDLESS of how much they were paying. If I did, I would fully expect a complaint and to be up on a disciplinary charge.

Yeah yeah, you were wrong but so was he. There are ways to tell someone not to do something without being so fucking rude and dismissive. Basic level customer service!!

Puzzledandpissedoff · 20/05/2016 11:49

In war time there was nothing to reserve or buy so having more money didnt make you more entitled....

Hmm ... not entirely sure about that. Forgive me for going a bit off-thread, but this is an image of officers' dining in the WW1 trenches

Does anyone really imagine the regular soldiers were offered this kind of thing?

Embarrassed and upset. Was I wrong?
blinkowl · 20/05/2016 11:51

OP YANBU.

"I do think it is sad that money is of greater importance than a person in pain, and their baby."

I agree. This is in AIBU and threads like this are bound to get the small minded folk out of the woodwork who love to remind you to to know your place.

You are pregnant. It's not like you were hanging out in business class helping yourself to cocktails and singing to loud no one could hear their movies.

You were pregnant, uncomfortable and acting on medical advice. If someone was fucking rude enough to complain about you - rather than the human thing to do which is to ask you if you are OK or need any help, - then yes ticket rules are rules I guess as we do live in this batshit money-first belief system at the moment, so it's understandable that the cabin crew member felt he had to do something.

As I see it, he had two choices that were decent options. Either explain to the complaining person that as you were pregnant and in distress the rules did not apply and then asking you if you were OK. This is the right thing to do IMO, although it is the brave option, the cabin crew member may have feared his job if he did this, so it's understandable if he didn't feel brave enough to.

The next most decent thing, is to politely, kindly and with empathy, ask if you were OK, and if you needed anything. Then very apologetically, explain that you would need to go to the economy section because those are the rules, but he will see what he can do to make you more comfortable - do you need a drink? Anything else?

I worked in pubs for years, and the other staff would used to send me to chuck people out if they needed to be because I would do to with patience, tact, empathy, humour and treat them with fucking respect even when I was asking them to leave the pub! (Wasn't usually drunk people, was homeless guys wandering into a city pub. The manager wouldn't serve them but I thought he was a twat for that, and I guess that came across even when I was asking them to leave).

How he treated you was totally wrong. I would complain if I was you. Not about being asked to leave (which was wrong, but you're up against the whole system there), but the way he did it.

WorraLiberty · 20/05/2016 11:53

This thread is now officially very weird Grin

And the OP still doesn't seem to want to answer the question, "Do you think they should also allow everyone on the list posted at 10:28:11 to walk up and down the BC aisle, if they decide they need to"?

SuperFlyHigh · 20/05/2016 11:53

If I was travelling in BC (have paid and have been upgraded) especially on a long haul flight I'm sorry OP but I'd have been annoyed, so FA was not BU.

I am also another one who's a bit disbelieving of the fact he spoke to you that way, my Half sister is a FA and so is a close friend, though they can be brisk and firm etc it's for safety reasons and rules of the plane, they get into trouble themselves if they don't enforce it. If it had been you walking once he probably wouldn't have said anything but it was twice and you didn't even ask! Most FA when I've asked (had bad headache etc) are only too happy to help so am a bit flummoxed as to why you didn't ask! What was your family doing too whilst you walked about?!

So yes YABU.

whatever22 · 20/05/2016 11:54

Being pregnant (and/or mildly unwell) doesn't suddenly entitle you to take things you haven't paid for.

This wasn't a medical emergency, op could have gotten the same standing/walking benefits in the area they had paid to be in.

Obviously in a genuine emergency it would be different.

To give an analogy, if you'd ordered a cheap snack in a restaurant wouldnt entitle you to go eat a full meal off some other paying customers plate, even if it was 'nicer' or made you feel better. Whereas if there was a genuine emergency (heart attack or something) I'd think it was completely reasonable for paying customers to be told to get up and out the way pronto.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 20/05/2016 11:54

And again, there is an aisle in economy! and as someone pointed out, long haul flight therefore big plane so perfectly adequate space for walking.

Pagwatch · 20/05/2016 11:54

Blinkowl

NO ONE COMPLAINED!

saoirse31 · 20/05/2016 11:54

I'm failing to see where he treated you "as less than human"... You went into business class which you hadn't paid for and weren't therefore entitled to do. Maybe the steward was rude, if what you say is true he was. Given you feel you were treated as less than human tho, I suspect a certain amt of hyperbole...