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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Embarrassed and upset. Was I wrong?

819 replies

fatandembarrassed · 20/05/2016 09:20

Nc for this

I recently had to take an 11 hour flight. I'm quite pregnant at the moment - not close to my due date, but it's very obvious and I am pretty big now. I was cleared to fly but warned that I must walk about as much as possible.

I didn't have much notice of this flight and so didn't have spare money, so I booked an economy seat next to the toilet, for obvious reasons, and with extra legroom. It was fine, but about 4 hours into the flight, I realised my ankles were swelling, so I got up and started to walk about a bit.

I felt a bit embarrassed, but I was in a fair bit of pain with my ankles and Braxton Hicks contractions, so I persevered very slowly and in complete silence, making my way along the aisles which wasn't easy in Economy as it was very tight. I then walked up and down the Business Class aisle. Nobody looked up or seemed disturbed by me, and it was easier to walk, so I walked up and down that section twice which took me about five minutes.

Next thing I knew, a male flight attendant marched up to me, put his hand on my arm and told me that I was disturbing passengers who had paid more than me, and that I might be pregnant but it was 'not an excuse' to 'make a disturbance'. I was quite shocked to be told I was disturbing anyone - I was very quiet and slow, and there for less than 5 min.

I was really upset to have him talk to me like that, both touching me and implying that I was just being a 'nuisance' to people who were clearly 'better' than me. I ended up crying because I was so humiliated (hate having to walk anyway and draw attention to myself), in horrible pain and having contractions.

Was I being unreasonable here? DH is very upset that I was treated like this and I really didn't think I was doing anything terribly wrong.

OP posts:

betsyderek · 22/05/2016 16:25

Dorisdog I know we are polar opposites and don't agree on this but can I just say I love the way you write. It's so eloquent and smooth.

Madbengalmum · 22/05/2016 16:26

YABU, you didnt pay for business class, so cannot use the area.

SpringHasNearlySprung · 22/05/2016 16:27

This thread reminds me of a flight I was on last year. The person behind us decided to bring her 2 children into the BC cabin as there was empty seats. Her friend/partner/whoever he was was in economy with the children but they came into the BC cabin to visit. They made themselves really comfy in the spare seats and were shrieking and being a pain in the arse. The FA came along and asked them to return to economy and the mother got really shirty about it. Now if they'd been there from take off fine but they actually thought they were entitled to spend the full flight in BC. It never fails to amaze me at people's cheek. As I said earlier in the thread I've lost count of the amount of times I've seen people asked to leave BC as they come through to use the toilets then get arsey at being asked to leave. I'd have been pissed off if the OP wandered in then proceeded to walk around the BC cabin. She was certainly trying for a free upgrade IMO and is now pleading embarrassment as her little plan didn't work. Some people think pregnancy gives them automatic entitlement to special treatment free upgrades. As I've also said before if she was as uncomfortable as she makes out on this thread then she should have told the cabin crew who would have done their best to make her comfortable in her economy seat. FFS it's not rocket science.

AnotherTimeMaybe · 22/05/2016 17:16

By the way for all of you jet setters claiming poor pregnant OP is not allowed to walk even on BC aisle even if she's about to give birth....guess where they put the bodies when someone dies on the flight!!...

SpringHasNearlySprung · 22/05/2016 17:22

another I'd be quite happy with that tbh. She wasn't about to give birth btw. It was braxton hicks contractions she was having. At the end of the day she tried to blag a free upgrade to BC. It's hardly comparable to the tragedy of an inflight death is it? Only on Mumsnet

CoolforKittyCats · 22/05/2016 17:58

you might get compensated

Compensated for what exactly...

betsyderek · 22/05/2016 18:03

Floggingmolly · 22/05/2016 18:21

Compensated for not being allowed in business class having bought an economy ticket?? I'm sure stranger things have happened... but I can't think of many offhand...

betsyderek · 22/05/2016 18:25

Maybe a parent smearing their own shit on the windscreen of a non parent who is parked in a mother and baby space at Tesco? If MN is to be believed co sensation for something you didn't pay for is either your feminist right or a case of theft which must be reported to 101 so they can "log it"

AnotherTimeMaybe · 22/05/2016 18:47

Compensated for not being allowed in business class having bought an economy ticket??
Compensated for the WAY the crew told her off! No need to twist anything we are saying here

Actually those or is who do travel regularly will have seen our fair share of tragedy. You may joke but seeing crew desperately trying to save a woman in front of her husband and daughter is something I will never forget. It's not really very funny and rather poor taste.
Who said its funny? The comment was for those who think BC flyers are entitled to the air they breath! BC and FC cabins are used for all sorts of emergencies including helping someone give birth if there is not enough space elsewhere

She wasn't about to give birth btw. It was braxton hicks contractions she was having. At the end of the day she tried to blag a free upgrade to BC
My comment was to a PP who said OP shouldn't be there even if she was giving birth. And how do you know she was bragging a free upgrade? Is it cause it's the trend here on MN to attack the OP no matter what?

CoteDAzur · 22/05/2016 18:51

"I'd abolish first/second systems on all transport if i could"

If you were at a position where you could make such decisions for an airline, you would also have to worry about its revenues and profits. So no, you wouldn't abolish First Class & Business Class.

MouseyLouse · 22/05/2016 18:54

Betsy you seem to be very full of your own self worth. Congratulations on your travel allowance being more than my monthly wages caring for dying people.

You're quite right. You've worked and do work harder than any of us in economy. Go you.

Nothing like a bit of perspective on short tragic lives to make you appreciate the really important things in life.

Compassion and kindness should rule. I don't actually give a stuff if the op was trying to blag an upgrade. There were seats going spare and her need was greater than many of the other passengers.

Would you rather a celebrity or someone celebrating a birthday got upgraded or someone to whom the comfort of he journey will be much improved?

I didn't have complicated pregnancies but fuck me if I wouldn't have struggled sitting in a plane for that amount of time. Sitting for a restaurant meal on holiday was a struggle when I was 6/7 months pregnant.

CoteDAzur · 22/05/2016 18:58

"Compensated for the WAY the crew told her off!"

You should not have needed to be told that BC is for people who have paid for BC tickets, nor that pegnancy doesn't mean you can go everywhere you like on a plane.

But it seems you did, so you were told.

Are you going to tell us how the conversation got to that point? I don't believe for a second that those were the flight attendant's first words. More likely, he would have started with something like "You can't go in there madam". And that would have been all if you got the message.

And as for you then crying a while in the toilets. Most have us have been pregnant so do know what it's like but you really need to get a grip and pull on it hard to get over yourself.

Banderwassnatched · 22/05/2016 19:01

Lordy- we're not allowed to cry now?

Queenbean · 22/05/2016 19:03

There were seats going spare and her need was greater than many of the other passengers.

How do you possibly know this. Most people are respectful of the rules and even if they were uncomfortable in economy wouldn't have even tried to get in to BC.

MouseyLouse · 22/05/2016 19:05

Cote I spent a large proportion of an evening sobbing because my oh brought bolognaise pasta bake rather than spaghetti ready meal.

The op has talked about having to fly unexpectedly, who knows what else there may be going on in her life that meant she was unable to deal with this situation, where she was on her own also.

Banderwassnatched · 22/05/2016 19:06

ML you mustn't cry in front of the menfolk. They will think you hysterical.

MouseyLouse · 22/05/2016 19:07

There were twenty spare seats according to the op Queen.

Twenty more comfortable seats for those who need a little more comfort. I'd wager that the op would have scored highly on basis of need among the economy passengers.

MouseyLouse · 22/05/2016 19:08

Ah, banner, that's why I've never managed to get a 'good' job then. Too hysterical, obs.

Floggingmolly · 22/05/2016 19:08

Business class seats aren't allocated according to "need"; just like most of the finer things in life. The cabin crew are not obligated to assess the needs of passengers, just to ensure they sit in the seat they've paid for.
What's so hard to understand about that?

Queenbean · 22/05/2016 19:09

If those passengers need a little more comfort Mousey they should pay for it. Otherwise Business Class becomes Needy and Ill Class.

betsyderek · 22/05/2016 19:21

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Queenbean · 22/05/2016 19:22

I absolutely love the thought that when you book your flight, you'll have to pay about twice what you normally would and then all go in to a holding pen on arrival at the airport.

You'll then be medically assessed and told which class you'll be travelling in depending on who is most unwell or needy.

Brilliant idea!

betsyderek · 22/05/2016 19:24

Socialist air travel. An oxymoron if ever there was one.

rookiemere · 22/05/2016 19:31

So let's say the airline did let the OP sit/stand in Business Class because she "needed to". Or indeed if any airline chooses to let people who "need" to use vacant BC seats have them for free. The BC people whose companies, or own finances have allowed them to sit there will wonder why they have to pay a significant amount for something others have got for free.

Meanwhile the others in standard class who aren't "needy" enough to be moved into BC may wonder why other people were getting moved up.

Overall net result is likely to be that the people who paid for BC/FC would fly with other airlines and given the choice so would most of the non upgraded SC passengers, likely resulting in increased fares for all passengers.

I hate to bring this up as I sound incredibly mean.

But right in the OP, OP said that her medical advice recommended walking around frequently as much as possible. Instead OP sat for 4 hrs and then suffered the side effects of ignoring her doctors advice. That's why she had such bad side effects, whereas if she'd actually done what she had been told to, then perhaps frequent short walks of even a few steps may well have helped.

At the end of the day the most important thing is that the OP and her baby to be are ok. She may well have been stressed about something else and hence why she didn't walk often as advised and I can understand why she was upset about feeling unwell and being treated brusquely by the Flight attendant.

But I'm really not sure that an abolition of BC/FC would have resolved any of OPs issues.

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