Embarrassed and upset. Was I wrong?

[fatandembarrassed]

Nc for this

I recently had to take an 11 hour flight. I'm quite pregnant at the moment - not close to my due date, but it's very obvious and I am pretty big now. I was cleared to fly but warned that I must walk about as much as possible.

I didn't have much notice of this flight and so didn't have spare money, so I booked an economy seat next to the toilet, for obvious reasons, and with extra legroom. It was fine, but about 4 hours into the flight, I realised my ankles were swelling, so I got up and started to walk about a bit.

I felt a bit embarrassed, but I was in a fair bit of pain with my ankles and Braxton Hicks contractions, so I persevered very slowly and in complete silence, making my way along the aisles which wasn't easy in Economy as it was very tight. I then walked up and down the Business Class aisle. Nobody looked up or seemed disturbed by me, and it was easier to walk, so I walked up and down that section twice which took me about five minutes.

Next thing I knew, a male flight attendant marched up to me, put his hand on my arm and told me that I was disturbing passengers who had paid more than me, and that I might be pregnant but it was 'not an excuse' to 'make a disturbance'. I was quite shocked to be told I was disturbing anyone - I was very quiet and slow, and there for less than 5 min.

I was really upset to have him talk to me like that, both touching me and implying that I was just being a 'nuisance' to people who were clearly 'better' than me. I ended up crying because I was so humiliated (hate having to walk anyway and draw attention to myself), in horrible pain and having contractions.

Was I being unreasonable here? DH is very upset that I was treated like this and I really didn't think I was doing anything terribly wrong.

CoolforKittyCats yes but we live in a world where the men hold more of the money and power. By a lot.

Women do 40% of the world's work but hold 1% of the wealth link

In the UK "women represent only 22 percent of management jobs and 9.6 percent of executive directors" so therefore less likely to be traveling business class. link

So it's fair to say we're talking about women being asked to move out of more privileged male space, on the whole.

You were, of course, unreasonable. But what I would like to know is did you try doing the same thing on the return flight or did you stick to economy?

Most people on commercial airplanes are experiencing some sort of discomfort, whether due to age, medical condition, their size and shape relative to the seat configurations, emotional distress, tiredness, etc.

What if we all trooped around and invited ourselves to partake of amenities we didn't pay for, on the basis of "feeling unwell"? Chaos would reign and the people who paid up front for extra service would be screwed.

I don't blame the FA and I highly doubt he used the exact words being attributed to him. As others have said, stewards are not glorified waiters or servants obliged to be ingratiating. They are crew of the aircraft and their job is to invoke authority and to make passengers obey the rules in a no-nonsense manner.

The whole "toff/snob" argument is ridiculous, too. People pay for products and services that are valuable to them. If I'm in a fine dining restaurant and someone barges in with a bag of McDonald's and wants to sit at my table to gobble it, because he's "just as good as me" he's going to have another think coming.

If I'm at the best seats in the opera and someone from the low-end seats wanders into my box because her ankles are swollen, she'll soon find herself being ejected by the opera house staff.

If someone who doesn't own or operate a car decides she would prefer to ride with me than take a bus, and that I should "be nice and considerate of other human beings" by driving her around each day, well, good luck with that.

If I rent a detached house I"m doing so because I value the extra space, the privacy and the lower population density. If someone from a crowded block of flats comes to lounge in my garden because "we all have rights, we all are equal," they will be getting a speedy assist from the police, regardless of whether they think I am a chauvanistic toff or oppressor of the peasantry.

And if I pay for business class and am disturbed by people who have paid for a lower-frills class of service, I would expect the representatives of the airline to minimize that disturbance posthaste. It's a large part of what I am paying a premium for.

......and then I was forced out of the window and was made to complete my journey tied to the wing! All for quietly walking up and down in BC, even although I had purchased a seat in EC....

Oh God TVT. "the peasantry". What a shame that along with the car, the upgrade, the detached home, you never thought to pay for charm school.

I was of the opinion that OP shouldn't be in BC. But if it's full of attitudes like this, I've changed my mind. I hope next time, she sits in your lap.

Calm down, Bander, my words were tongue in cheek & rather parodying some of the earlier overreactions to those of us who think people should pay for the class of service they seek rather than try to cadge a free seat in the roomier sections of the plane.

" If I'm in a fine dining restaurant and someone barges in with a bag of McDonald's and wants to sit at my table to gobble it, because he's "just as good as me" he's going to have another think coming."

That is not the same thing at all as a pregnant woman.

Do you think pregnant women, and by proxy, their developing babies should get special treatment?

I do, and many cultures around the world do too.

It wasn't until I was pregnant that I understood the whole opening doors or offering to carry bags for women thing on a practical level. I used to think it was sexist, patronising nonsense, and was irritated if random men did it for me.

But then when I was pregnant and DP was away for much of it, I realised just how vulnerable to injury you are when pregnant. I ignored the advice about taking it easy, and carried on regardless because I figured I was pregnant, not ill. But then I pulled a ligament in my nether region while carrying a bag, and spent the rest of the pregnancy - and my subsequent one too - with SPD and in agony.

In the old days. women would have been pregnant a lot. But people couldn't very well go round asking all women if they are pregnant if they happen to be standing near a door or carrying a bag, but if men did generally carry bags and opened doors then pregnant women would have suffered fewer injuries when pregnant.

These days women are pregnant much less often, but when we are, we are still at more risk of injury, not to mention miscarriage, pregnancy related illnesses and other complications.

I do think pregnant women should get special treatment if they are feeling ill, and not to is lacking in compassions.

I think old people should get special treatment too if they're ill.

I think if an old person just needed to have a little walk in BC to feel less ill than they should be allowed to.

The BC people have their extra space, nicer meals, better movies, space to sleep. But no, I don't think all that should trump the right of someone in a vulnerable group to be able to prevent themselves getting ill on the flight.

"if I pay for business class and am disturbed by people who have paid for a lower-frills class of service, I would expect the representatives of the airline to minimize that disturbance posthaste. It's a large part of what I am paying a premium for."

Well, if the real reason you pay for BC is not the extra space, nicer meals, space to sleep, but to not have to be next to the plebs, then you deserve to be disturbed IMO.

If that is what you meant?

Oh good! Feminist shite completely irrelevant to the topic has made it's way onto the thread. Yay!

I was also being tongue in cheek when I mentioned peasants early on Honest.

Turned into a right good un this thread didn't it?

I don't think she was trying to 'cadge a seat', I think she was just walking about. It's a bit like your reference to having someone 'gobble' a McDonalds- lije you just have a low opinion of people who can't afford the things you can afford. As a PP said, you're buying a product or a service. What it actually sounds like you want to buy is distance from people who are less wealthy than yourself- the 'gobblers'.

No, I do not agree that pregnant women are due any special treatment that non-pregnant individuals wouldn't receive in the exact same circumstances. Gestation is a voluntary condition, easily avoided, if one doesn't want to endure the practical and physical discomforts. Don't enter into the condition and then expect rules to not apply to you.

And, as mentioned, MOST people on an aircraft these days are experiencing some sort of discomfort/distress.

PaulAnkaTheDog how is feminism irrelevant here?

The OP is talking about a situation to do with being pregnant.

There's not going to a be a man in that situation is there?!

Not to split hairs, blink, but what actually set the OP walking was 'swollen ankles'. As a problem- swollen ankles can happen to either sex.

People often spend more to buy space and privacy - staying in a quiet hotel vs. a hostel, for example. Renting a villa vs. staying in a hotel. Having one's own caravan vs. pitching a tent in a crowded campground. Buying a detached house rather than an apartment. Providing offspring with a bedroom apiece instead of making them share. Dining in a pricey, quiet restaurant or paying extra for a private museum tour, safari or hot-air balloon ride.

When I eat at McDonald's I don't expect the same level of service or privacy as I do at a white-tablecloth establishment. When I stay in a hotel I don't expect the same conditions as when I rent a private cottage. When I fly economy I don't expect the same amount of room, service or privacy as when I fly BC. I do expect to get exactly what I paid for, in either case.

PaulAnka*, yes, I noticed that too. Maybe the feminist section is 'down for maintenance' or something?

TheVillageTaxpayer it's not about whether you chose to be in that position or not.

It's that when you are in that position, you are more vulnerable. In pregnancy for example you have hormones coursing through your body that loosen up your ligaments, making you more susceptible to injury.

The compassionate and human thing to do is to make allowances for those less able than yourself.

Bringing choice into it makes no sense - firstly not everyone has chosen to be pregnant, have they? Also she can hardly decide to stop being pregnant for the duration of the plane journey, can she?

Also blink the OP's symptoms could have been alleviated just as effectively by walking around the approximately two thirds of the plane that is occupied by economy.

Been thinking about the curtains between the cabins - surely it's obvious that you don't just keep going?

Like I said, what I found telling was your use of the word 'gobble'. Not 'eat'. A McD's customer will 'gobble'. An economy class customer will 'cadge'.

OP the rules are the rules. I don't understand what is so wrong with someone walking down the bc aisle but they are the rules so I would stick to them.

The FA was an arse. There was no need for him to speak to you like that, he could have just told you that you weren't allowed in that area without the attitude.

I hope the rest of your pregnancy goes smoothly

The compassionate and human thing to do is to make allowances for those less able than yourself.

Which could be anyone. Anybody on that plane could be less able. Would they be allowed to walk or sit wherever they want?

Swollen ankles and cramps when flying can happen to anyone. It isn't just pregnant women.

i think the people who are insinuating or even outright claiming the OP is lying that the FA said what he did are the most tedious here.

It's the bloody internet. If you choose to believe OP was a pregnant woman on that flight, then why not suspend your disbelief further and believe that the FA did say what he did?

What's the point of engaging if you don't believe her?

WHAT? Business class is ten times the economy price? So a £100 flight becomes £1000? Is it TEN TIMES better?

It might be for the people who don't want to watch someone pacing up and down.....