To drive an hour away to family with LO for a few days?

[GoodCompanion]

Hey there Newbie here.

Just wanted your opinion on this subject.
So I'm an hour away drive on the motorway from family as the title says and I know nobody in my town . OH is at work until 5/6 and he does do his bit when he comes back but he takes his time sometimes that I end up doing stuff that we've agreed he does. AIBU to suggest that I take LO to my mothers tomorrow morning to get a break. I'm tired, lonely, feeling down, bored and lo is feeling it all. Plus if I go away she can play with her cousins which are a similar age.

If I do suggest going away I know he will say no because he doesn't want me to drive on my own with lo. Would I also be unreasonable to just go anyway? Or would that be a rubbish thing to do. I just need some support iv been a stahp for 2 and half years now in an area I don't really have anyone close to me. We are planning to move but I just need to be around people now because I'm going crazy and not myself anymore.

Thanks x

Ooh, yes, an overnight would be a different matter, even for me! But a day trip I'd only feel the need to share if it came up naturally in conversation or if he asked specifically.

You've come to the right place, OP.

Go to your mum's. It's not up to him.

I would be staying over night for a few days not a day I wouldn't see the point.

There are mom and baby groups but they are very "clicky" if that's the word. Plus it's not my family or real friends people I can just be easy with.

We have had problems before maybe that's why the aggression seems more than its supposed to be.

OP, any aggression is more than it's supposed to be!

Is your husband more qualified to judge your driving than your driving instructor and the examiner who passed you on your test? I think not.

My parents also live an hour away, it's really not that far. It sounds like a break will do you the world of good.

Presumably there's a fair chance they wouldn't be back when he got back Unsullied, so assuming that he'd be expecting them to be there, it would be pretty normal to give him a heads up. And I think it's also normal in a healthy relationship to chat about what you're doing tomorrow if it's going to be something out of the ordinary, (or he's the only adult with whom you can share your scintillating plans to go to the library Story Time).

Not normal to ask permission of course.

Yep just go then you don't have to put up with going against his will, plus when you're back safe and sound it's obvious you're fine doing the journey for the future.

any level of aggression is too much aggression

Op, as I'm sure you've gathered from everyone's responses, this isn't really a question most sahps would even be asking. They'd just go.

I will go in the morning to have a break seen as the majority don't think I'm BU iv been thinking about it all night and what's going to help me get out of this miserable phase I'm going through. I think now he won't say anything negative because he won't think I'm really going to go. Think he will be surprised if I do because I usually let him put me off which is so silly. I do realise it talking about it I just haven't spoken about it properly before.
I don't like to talk to my family or friends about negative things too often

If I were you I'd drive to your mum's and stay,

My XH did this. I learnt later in my 20s as my (now adult) son is disabled. It took me almost 3 years after passing test to drive alone as he undermined me so much. Then I still felt nervous with him in car. He was a controlling, and sometimes violent abuser, and this was one of the first signs.

I love driving now. The first time I drove my lovely PP I was so anxious he asked me to stop the car to reassure me that I was doing nothing wrong, and that even if I was it was nothing to do with him!

He is trying to both destroy your self esteem, and stop you living your own life. Think about it.

Go to your mum's

Tell her all about this "miserable phase" you are going through and how much your husband is contributing to it

Agreed AintNobody I had a day trip in mind here...I have family and friends an hour away and we do day trips quite a bit. Hadn't occurred to me that OP meant overnight

I'd go.

What I wouldn't do was come back.

Seriously, you ought to try to find some local friends for your own sanity. I suspect you might well find someone you like at M&B groups, but you could also try things like soft play and music classes where you could chat to some of the other parents, and maybe things like exercise classes or adult education classes if there's a creche.

Just go :)

I feel like that sometimes. I honestly am considering staying longer than a few days so I an get my head together.

I know my self esteem is low that's why I need to get out it will help me stop snapping and be normal. He does demeaning stuff which is hurtful sometimes he'll say "I want you to be a woman and think for yourself" sometimes if I don't suggest something he thinks is right or I ask advice because I'm not sure of something. I never say stuff like this to him.

I'm not sure what I'm doing to be honest but I definitely need a break from it all thanks for the replies

Sat navs? Stop offs?

You'll be fine, just do it. DD1 is at uni 2 hours away by car and I frequently pop up on. Sunday to see her if neither of us have anything else going on. I have to do London and the M25 (which is busy on my return on a Sunday night).

You soon get used to the distance. I quickly got much more confident about coping with it and I quite enjoy the drive with the radio and maybe a service stop for a coffee. DH often works at the weekends and he would not dream of suggesting what I should or should not do with my time. Driving is like anything else - you get more confident with practice.

Go and see your Mum and enjoy yourself. Once you've done it a few times you may get confident enough to go fairly regularly in the morning and be back by late afternoon - which would lift your spirits, I'm sure.

A break from an aggressive cunt is always good. Esp if it turns into a permanent vacation.

Oh OP
To amend the words of Tracy Chapman
You got a fast car
Is it fast enough so you can drive away?
You gotta make a decision
Leave tonight or live and die this way
..okay, you can leave another time but it sounds like leaving is essential

If you went out for a drive with an instructor and your husband came along (in the back) he would have to swallow his words when the instructor praised your excellent driving! Not that you should have to!!! Having someone negative in the passenger seat can be unnerving and just undermines your driving. You are probably better than your husband. What sort of things is he critisising exactly? My husband would comment sometimes on my speed even though I stuck to the limits, and yet my dad once described my husbands driving as 'cavelier' which I'm sure he would be very offended by!!

He just comments about things he doesn't need to or most of the time he's just silent which is worse because I don't know what he's thinking and feel like he's judging me. I don't mind criticisms to make me a better driver, I think it's just the way he says things and his mood afterwards

Yes, there is a great deal of difference between helpful advice and moody sniping. Or a loaded moody silence.

Please go and see your mum. It's an hour away - not far at all - we often go further on a day trip! And while you're there maybe talk this all over with her or a friend.