To lose potential friends over this issue?

[kogasa]

First AIBU post, so bear with me.

I'm a very, very logical person, I like to think, but I'm struggling to reconcile my thoughts here.

I recently made a point to a lot of the people I know that I thought it was absolutely barmy to not vaccinate yourself, or your children. To me, it feels like a social responsibility - if you don't vaccinate, people with cancer, AIDS, younger kids who haven't been immunised, and a whole multitude of people are put at risk. Most people nodded in appreciation - this was provoked by a really sad article I read about some parents not vaccinating their children, and then trying to treat them with 'natural medicine' when the illnesses hit. The kid died, unsurprisingly.

However, in bringing this up, I've found out that one of my closest friends seems to believe the guff about the vaccines 'causing autism' (Nevermind that the MD who alleged this link was struck off the medical register for manipulating research for his own financial ends), or that they have 'too much aluminium that I don't want in my kid's body.' (regardless of the fact that, there's more aluminium in cheese and gaviscon than there ever is in vaccines, paired with a basic misunderstanding of chemistry and how the body excretes things.)

For a bit of background, this friend decided radically, about two years ago to become fully vegan. Fully support her there, great choice for the environment in some ways, but I won't get into that now. What came with it were some bizarre rituals where she'd only eat fruit until 4PM, but fair enough, it's not my life, and some weird beliefs involving how GMOs are obviously full of crap even though they save countless farmers in developing countries from poor yields, or hunger. And even then, fair enough. She's western and privileged, and she has the choice to buy her food, luckily for her, she is not starving.

I can tell she's been trying to pussyfoot around the issue with me, and since we talked, she's been contacting me, telling me to read countless books that, upon further inspection seem to be made by people just wanting to sell 'all natural remedies' to me, or pseudo-research paperbacks. I can tell she is trying really, really hard to make an effort to try be sensitive about this, but also pushing the idea really hard, and I get the idea that she thinks less of me, and I think less of her.
We are high school best friends and it makes me really sad that her transformation led to this. I have no issues with her diet or lifestyle, but when she starts to impact other people, I just can't help but feel disappointed and sad.

But, and here's my AIBU,
AIBU to not just 'accept a different viewpoint', and lose a potential friend over this?
I'm not going to insult her , or end the friendship, but I can't compromise my views on an issue like this. Should I?

Euripidesralph ...it by no means offers a definitive response.... I can choose to require more proof

Does this offer a definitive response?

www.gov.uk/vaccine-damage-payment/overview

You require more proof, you say?

Here:
Narcolepsy after Pandemrix (2009, Europe)
www.cdc.gov/vaccinesafety/concerns/history/narcolepsy-flu.html

And here:
Flu vaccine/ IBS
"The risks of paraesthesia and inflammatory bowel disease among those vaccinated in the early phase (within 45 days from 1 October 2009) of the vaccination campaign were significantly increased"
www.bmj.com/content/343/bmj.d5956

And here:
Pneumococcal vaccine/asthma
"Two of the largest studies of PCVs, one involving PCV7 and the other, PCV9, found a statistically significant increased risk of hospitalization for reactive airway disease, including asthma."
www.worldallergy.org/professional/allergic_diseases_center/vaccination_and_risk/

And also here:
Diabetes type 1
"Coxsackie B4 virus contains a protein similar to a pancreatic islet-cell protein. Therefore, molecular mimicry after natural enterovirus infection might induce destructive islet-cell autoantibodies."
pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/111/3/653

...and here:
"Several infections cause autoimmune diseases. For example, Borrelia burgdorferi causes chronic arthritis42 and group A β-hemolytic streptococcus causes rheumatic heart disease.43 Theoretically, if infections can trigger autoimmune diseases, modified forms of infections (ie, immunizations) might also cause these diseases."
pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/111/3/653

etc...

OP I don't think you sound like you're being judgemental. You voiced your opinion based on a conversation you and a group of people were having? Have I got that right? She also voiced her opinion. All fair enough up to that point IMO. Since then she's actively contacting you to try to change your mind? She's BU IMO and I think it'd be fair enough to say to her you was voicing your opinion at the time, so was she and you don't appreciate her trying to change your mind repeatedly. I'd also say that it's just going to have to be something you agree to disagree on.

Apple The adjuvant effect has been recognized for years by the medical community. I suggest you read Shoenfeld and Agmon-Levin.

legoninja from that study you linked
because infections with wild-type bacteria or viruses are more likely to expose self-antigens and induce levels of cytokines greater than that found after immunization with attenuated or avirulent pathogens, some vaccines are probably more likely to prevent or modify than cause or exacerbate autoimmune diseases

I.e. people with MS may react to flu jab but as far far more likely to react to the actual flu.

There is no doubt that some people do have reactions, sometimes fatal, to vaccinations but this is true of almost all medicines. Obviously no one wants that to be their child. But the risks of becoming seriously ill because of one of the infections that are vacvinated against are far higher.

Thank goodness for the vaccination programmes that eradicated smallpox and all but eradicated polio.

I think it is because these diseases - measles, tb, polio etc. Are so rarely seen that people forget how awful and how deadly they are and so think the risk is vaccination when it is in fact the diseases those vaccines are designed to prevent.

I want to implode with utter frustration every time I hear the MMR/autism tripe being peddled again. And I speak as the parent of an ASD child.

Depends which country you live in as to whether you get to choose to vaccinate or not. In the UK a mother went to court over not wanting to vaccinate her dd.

It seriously worries me that anyone still makes any link between autism and mmr. I have a lot of experience working with autistic people and as such have studied autism a lot. The md's work and suggestions were totally dismissed. Autism is a neurological difference. It is not caused by mmr and is not something to be scared of.

Ps so reading above could me having ibs be linked to having had vaccinations??

If I had a choice I would keep my ibs (which is painful and unpleasant not to mention embarassing) over not being immune any day. Measles, mumps etc? I will keep my crap stomach ta

I think you will have to agree to disagree.

I also have an old school friend who is very anti vaccinations... However she's the one posting lots of anti vac stuff which really, really irritates me but I won't be drawn into an argument about it. I respect that she believes as she does, but I do wish she wouldn't bombard her fb world with those beliefs.

I think you're friendship was probably based on both being strong-minded women with a lot of self-belief. So maybe now that your ideas are so diametrically opposed, the friendship has run its course.

But you both sound very closed off to hearing other opinions, IMHO.

I think the choices for you and your friend are

Either - recognise each other's diametrically opposed views, respect your differences but remain friends because you both find each other's company brings you more happiness than the opposing views bring you frustration, lack of respect etc. This option requires you both to meet each other half way, and compromise.

Or - decide that you really cannot reconcile those significantly opposing views, about vaccination, vegetarianism, political persuasion, believing in God etc [examples of views that often cause major ructions!], and that you need to part company. This option can be the "throw the baby out with the bath water" approach to friendship, which is a shame.

FYI, I used to be of the latter persuasion but the older I've got, I have tended more towards the former. Life is too full of dilemmas, contradictions and multiple versions of the truth to let it come between me and people I otherwise like. I just don't talk about contentious issues, because it can easily become "I am right, You are wrong!" debate. Also known as, live and let live.