To be surprised at this Mother

[Lucylaceingale]

I have 4 DC's 21, 19, 17 and DS(8), I don't do school pick ups and I'm not as invested in playground gossip as DH is (he loves it) and I'm not particularly close with any of the other Mums.

DS(8) has been great friends with another boy since Reception, but over Christmas a new family moved in on our street, with a DC the same age as DS8 who started at the same school.

DS' long time friend promptly dropped him in favour of the new boy, but with older siblings and a host of after school activities, DS quickly moved on, we haven't had contact with the friend / friends family since February.

DS' birthday is coming up and is on the same week as the friends birthday, it falls on a Friday, so we've chosen to celebrate on the Saturday instead, DH is taking DS and 4 friends down to London for the day and is dragging along our 17 year old DS as extra help, DS17 agreed as long as he could bring a friend, the friend turned out to be our new neighbours oldest DS, the older brother of the new boy.

On Saturday the older brother asked DS17 if he could bring along new boy on the day and DH agreed.

Yesterday, DS8' old friend was handing out invites to his birthday party on the same Saturday as DS8' trip, 10 kids were invited, mixture of boys and girls, DS was not included.

This afternoon I received a very passive aggressive email from Friends Mum, she thinks I've purposely caused the dates to clash and went out of my way to invite half of her sons invitee's and have stolen new boy.

She writes 'I didn't expect her DS to receive an invite but I certainly didn't think that you'd ruin his party'

I'm in complete shock, I have no idea what to write back or why she's getting so upset, I've never dealt with anything like this.

She is quite mad and very rude. Ignore and hope ds8 has a lovely time. (Also think new boy's 17 year old brother shouldn't really have asked to bring new boy 8 along if you'd chosen not to invite him)

Sounds like shes been rather enjoying how popular and socially powerful her DS is with him dropping old friends without a thought when a "better" option came along. Shes now having to face the reality that maybe her DS isnt the A-list celebrity she thought he was.

*Uninvite new boy.

Problem solved.*

That's the most idiotic piece of advice I've seen recently. Why would she uninvite him? Are you serious or just shit stirring?

If she didn't want the confrontation, it would have been wise to have made plans for her ds' party the following week. It's pretty normal that you would do the party the day after ds' actual birthday. I think she was actually enjoying riding on the I'm superior power struggle that was going on inside her head. What normal people blanks parents because their children have stopped playing together?

Maybe she is the other mother, hence the comment lol

Reply

'I'm sorry, you must have your wires crossed, new boys family asked if he could come with us and we are happy to have him.' Smug face

Of course you shouldn't actually write that but I would be very tempted to let her know that no, you didn't fucking go out of your way to poach a friend for your DS, new boys family are the ones who asked could he come along.

Kids are bad enough when it comes to playground crap, it's a shame we have to deal with adults acting in the same way when we are parents.

Lucylaceingale yes I'm afraid I do live somewhere with constant sunshine and the mothers, for the most part are pretty sane.
Doesn't mean I don't miss a good dose of keerraazzzyyy every now and then 😄

(Pretty sure there are plenty of batshits mums here but neither of my kids are at school yet, mores the pity!)

If I was New Boy's mother, I'd be shopping for a new friend for him, too.

I'm wondering what sort of reaction they had when they explained they were honouring a prior commitment. And whether she's claiming it was a Machiavellian plot on your part, when they know their own son asked if baby bro could come along as well - that won't help their view of her sanity, will it?

I do wonder where these people get the energy from, to get so dramatic over this crap. Don't they have enough problems for real, without the need to invent and create?

CodyKing why would there need to be a phone call? I wouldn't phone anyone - I just meant I can't imagine anyone being bothered either way if new boy would prefer to go to the ex-pal's party.

leelu sauce for the goose and gander etc? What are you on about? Doesn't sound like the OP stands about gossiping?

Unless she ampts up the crazy to intolerable levels, then I'm not replying, she should really be emailing DH though, he's the one organising everything.

i would be tempted to email

'oh dear, you really are embarrassing yourself now.'

In case you (or DH) do ever have to contact her about this, this from MissMoo is the only suitable reply:

'I'm sorry, you must have your wires crossed, new boys family asked if he could come with us and we are happy to have him.' Smug face

Oh well I guess there is always "What the fuck has it got to do with you?" too

Do nothing. You're happy with the status quo, she's the one who wants to change things. Let her froth.

Can't wait to read all about this in the Daily Fail.

Some of you seem to have forgotten the NB only got one invite at the start- and only because his older brother had asked essentially for a favour on his behalf.

The new family are probably just being polite as the rule is you must go once you have accepted an invite, even if you get a better offer. It would sound dreadful asking to back out once you had been good enough to accept having him along.

Please ask family which NB would prefer with no hard feelings. It's all becoming a drama and both boys will be missing out.

Just for clarity:

OP sends out invites to ds party
All children accept.
Older brother is persuaded to go to help, and wants to bring his friend.
Friend wants to bring little bro.
Requests accepted.

Some days later:
Other mum sends out invites to her ds' party.

At some point, other mum realises that some invitees won't come as they are already going to OP's ds' party, including the older brother's friend's little brother.

Other mum texts OP.
Other mum texts OP again.
Other mum trash-talks OP in playground.

So, that is the sequence of events. It is clear that OP's ds' birthday trip was organised before Other Mum's invitations had even gone out.

Is there any rivalry between your ds and his ex-friend? Do you think she expected this new boy to dump your invitation and come to her son's?

family have 2 invites, they don't need me to knock on their door and cancel on them, if NB doesn't want to come, then they can easily cancel themselves, the Mum would have better luck trying to convince the family to back out anyway, cos I certainly won't be doing it.

But they can't really It's rude. Regardless of if they want to.

I get that she is being precious over the day and quite frankly she should rearrange as her son's birthday falls after the weekend. But it would be disappointing for her son and it wouldn't kill you to give NB a choice - now he has one.

But it would be disappointing for her son and it wouldn't kill you to give NB a choice - now he has one.

he has a choice - his parents have a choice - It's not for OP to get involved in.

Everyone seems to be assuming that the new boy doesn't want to go to OP's ds' event, but really wants to go to ex-friend's party. Nobody KNOWS that. He could very well prefer to go to Op's do.

New boy has really settled in then

Revealall, he and his family have a choice, we didn't even invite him, if someone came up to me and said, "it's fine if your DS would rather attend xx's event instead of ours" I would just assume that they were trying to politelly tell me to cancel on them, as they didn't want DS to attend in the first place.

I didn't invite him and I'm not disinviting him, I actually haven't done anything at all & will continue to do nothing.

Boaty, no rivalry between them, they're not in the same class at school, ex friend switched football clubs in January and it wasn't just DS he dropped but a group of others, which is why it was easier for DS to not be effected, I don't think she even imagined NB would be coming to DS' event as there's no connection between DS and NB apart from living on the same street, I think she assumes I've personally invited him.

At pick up today, ex friends mum was still going on about me and how she'd have to make up new invites now, I really don't give a fuck.

It's dawned on me perhaps the elder NB asked if his DB could come along because DB has shown an interest in befriending your DS or getting to know him as same school, same street etc.

It's entirely possible NB isn't as enamoured with ex friend as ex friends mum seems to think.

But I agree - he's coming because it was arranged he'd come - because they asked.

I'd be tempted to get DH to pint this out in playground. "Of course if NB wants to come to your DS party he can make that decision. He asked to come to DS though and the invite will stand until and if he decides to decline".

she'd have to make up new invites now

What a silly woman.

Loving the string section of teeny violins. 😁😁

Does your DH play violin by any chance? He could rock up in the playground and stand near her playing a nice tune. 🎻