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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be surprised at this Mother

127 replies

Lucylaceingale · 17/05/2016 16:09

I have 4 DC's 21, 19, 17 and DS(8), I don't do school pick ups and I'm not as invested in playground gossip as DH is (he loves it) and I'm not particularly close with any of the other Mums.

DS(8) has been great friends with another boy since Reception, but over Christmas a new family moved in on our street, with a DC the same age as DS8 who started at the same school.

DS' long time friend promptly dropped him in favour of the new boy, but with older siblings and a host of after school activities, DS quickly moved on, we haven't had contact with the friend / friends family since February.

DS' birthday is coming up and is on the same week as the friends birthday, it falls on a Friday, so we've chosen to celebrate on the Saturday instead, DH is taking DS and 4 friends down to London for the day and is dragging along our 17 year old DS as extra help, DS17 agreed as long as he could bring a friend, the friend turned out to be our new neighbours oldest DS, the older brother of the new boy.

On Saturday the older brother asked DS17 if he could bring along new boy on the day and DH agreed.

Yesterday, DS8' old friend was handing out invites to his birthday party on the same Saturday as DS8' trip, 10 kids were invited, mixture of boys and girls, DS was not included.

This afternoon I received a very passive aggressive email from Friends Mum, she thinks I've purposely caused the dates to clash and went out of my way to invite half of her sons invitee's and have stolen new boy.

She writes 'I didn't expect her DS to receive an invite but I certainly didn't think that you'd ruin his party'

I'm in complete shock, I have no idea what to write back or why she's getting so upset, I've never dealt with anything like this.

OP posts:
StrictlyMumDancing · 17/05/2016 21:40

I can see how this pans out

Dear New Neighbour,
I'm terribly sorry but I had failed to notice gluemother had marked you as her territory. As such, please consider your DS uninvited from this party
Kind Regards
Lucy

Or maybe just ask her if she's on glue now! I may be nice enough to approach new neighbour though and say as it seems to causing trouble then I wouldn't mind if her DS prefered to go to the other party unless I'd forked out already.

Aeroflotgirl · 17/05/2016 21:44

WTAF!!!!! Shock. Don't give any reply to her.

Original poster
Lucylaceingale · 17/05/2016 21:49

I'm actually pretty shocked! I've known this woman on a fairly decent level for years, she's taken DS out loads and we've also taken out her DS, I can't believe she's acting like this, I might understand if new boy was Brad Pitt but he and his family seem to be normal, I can't work out why she's so obsessed, I've never had a Mum act like this and I've seen a few not so sane ones over the years.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lucylaceingale · 17/05/2016 21:50

DH is now oddly excited for drop off Hmm he'll certainly have loads to tell his chatty group

OP posts:
Pico2 · 17/05/2016 21:51

Just send her a link to this thread. She can see how it pans out for her and whether she makes it to the Daily Fail.

flanjabelle · 17/05/2016 21:58

I think I would say that I would rather leave it to the boys to work out what they want to attend as uninviting a child seems cruel and upsetting. Then pat yourself on the back for not being the bonkers mother in this situation. Well done op.

sepa · 17/05/2016 21:59

I want to know what's going to 'go down in the playground' tomorrow!

Alternatively, get DS17 to ask his friend if his brother wants to go to DS8 day out or glue sniffers DS party.
If he would rather go to other party no loss to your DS. Either way DS17 bro will go somewhere

CodyKing · 17/05/2016 21:59

Uninvite a child !! LOL

I take it child has two invites and has or his parents have decided to attend your DS party - how will it look of you in invite him? It doesn't mean he will go to the other boys parts does it?

What would new boys parents think about being uninvited and taking their DS choice away? FFS

MeMySonAndl · 17/05/2016 22:03

Good grief, this is the sort of thing that when it happens you need to back off, talk to your child and change the date of the party rather than getting all paranoid and have a go at the other parent.

Ignore, she is crazy.

MeMySonAndl · 17/05/2016 22:06

Oh no, don't uninvited new boy, is not his fault, for what is worth he may not realise he replaced your DS in that friendship, at the end of the day, he wasn't there before

Looly71 · 17/05/2016 22:10

I've had similar conversation with parents of my dd's friend. Their birthdays are within 2 days of each other and fall on or around BH weekend each year. I tend to book my dd's party on the BH mon as that's what works for me. Other child's Mum said to me this year "you always book your parties when we would like to have ours"! I booked my daughter's party less than a week before the event - which I prefer to receiving invitations months beforehand - as I always think people are either available or they're not.

WannaBe · 17/05/2016 22:10

It sounds to me as if the friendship between her DS and the new boy may be on shaky ground, or even that his parents don't approve of his being friends with the other boy and as such want to direct him away from said friendship.

I'm afraid I would be immensely tempted to stir a bit more by saying "but I can't uninvite new boy as he invited himself, so he has clearly made his preference....."

But actually I wouldn't say much other than "it's not up to us as parents to decide who our children should and shouldn't be friends with. It was new boy's decision to come to our party, it's not up to me to decide otherwise."

Strokethefurrywall · 17/05/2016 22:12

Sometimes I wish I lived in the UK so that I could encounter mothers like this.

So brilliantly batshit.

Original poster
Lucylaceingale · 17/05/2016 22:13

I think I will continue to ignore her, I'm not disinviting anyone, if new boy doesn't want to come, then that's up to his parents, if she so desperately wants him there, then talk to his parents about pulling out or change the party day

OP posts:
StillStayingClassySanDiego · 17/05/2016 22:15

I love a snotty Mother thread, she's a peach!

angielou123 · 17/05/2016 22:15

Agreed. Ignore her. Silly cow's probably having a bad day!

Original poster
Lucylaceingale · 17/05/2016 22:15

Stroke if you live somewhere with constant sunshine and sane mothers, I will swap homes with you in a heartbeat.

OP posts:
Youarenotkiddingme · 17/05/2016 22:25

Dear Mrs Pva,

its such a shame that as my DS birthday treat was organised over a week ago some mutual friends are already busy.
Im sure you'll agree it's in your DS best interests to arrange his for a day his friends don't already have plans.
I hope he enjoys his day.

Mrs non sniffer.

FibbyMcFibFace · 17/05/2016 22:27

I'm impressed with the two 17 year olds wanting to go out with their 8 year old brothers for the day. Confused

neolara · 17/05/2016 22:41

Given the old friend has been friendly with your ds for a long time did you not remember that their birthdays were so close together? If I know there's the potential for party clashes, I've always discussed dates with parents of the other birthday children before send out invites. It's rubbish for kids to get excited only to find half their guests have other commitments.

That said, it's clearly very odd to ask you to disinvestment new friend.

revealall · 17/05/2016 22:50

You hadn't actually planned on the new boy coming until his older brother asked.
I'd let the new family decide (they can ask their son) what he'd rather do. It would be the kind thing to do if the old friend and him are good friends.

Original poster
Lucylaceingale · 17/05/2016 22:51

Fibby, DS17 was bribed and really has no choice, letting him bring a friend was his idea, he's not very close with the neighbours eldest DS so I'm assuming other friends have turned him down.

Neolara, in the past making sure their wasn't a clash wasn't an issue, a quick phone call or an email but this woman stopped talking to DH and I around the middle of February and has ignored all forms of contact and according to DH has gone out of her way to pretend he doesn't exist in the play ground.

I knew their could be a clash and went ahead with our plans anyway, it was simply the most convenient time for us.

OP posts:
CodyKing · 17/05/2016 23:03

I'd let the new family decide (they can ask their son) what he'd rather do. It would be the kind thing to do if the old friend and him are good friends.

He has two invites - OP doesn't need to contact the parents to tell them he has a choice - they can work that out for themselves

It seems to me old friend has form for cornering and sticking to one fried - maybe new boy feels suffocated by Xfriend? Did your son feel like this? Some parents seem to revel in DC having a bestie - when the children actually hate it!

Iknownuffink · 17/05/2016 23:04

Ignore.

Would be hilarious if she came on here mumping and moaning later!

Groovee · 18/05/2016 07:06

I'd get your teen to tell his mate how this mother wishes you to disinvited his brother.

Ignoring her is possibly the best way forward. You can pretend you received no emails!