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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be surprised at this Mother

127 replies

Lucylaceingale · 17/05/2016 16:09

I have 4 DC's 21, 19, 17 and DS(8), I don't do school pick ups and I'm not as invested in playground gossip as DH is (he loves it) and I'm not particularly close with any of the other Mums.

DS(8) has been great friends with another boy since Reception, but over Christmas a new family moved in on our street, with a DC the same age as DS8 who started at the same school.

DS' long time friend promptly dropped him in favour of the new boy, but with older siblings and a host of after school activities, DS quickly moved on, we haven't had contact with the friend / friends family since February.

DS' birthday is coming up and is on the same week as the friends birthday, it falls on a Friday, so we've chosen to celebrate on the Saturday instead, DH is taking DS and 4 friends down to London for the day and is dragging along our 17 year old DS as extra help, DS17 agreed as long as he could bring a friend, the friend turned out to be our new neighbours oldest DS, the older brother of the new boy.

On Saturday the older brother asked DS17 if he could bring along new boy on the day and DH agreed.

Yesterday, DS8' old friend was handing out invites to his birthday party on the same Saturday as DS8' trip, 10 kids were invited, mixture of boys and girls, DS was not included.

This afternoon I received a very passive aggressive email from Friends Mum, she thinks I've purposely caused the dates to clash and went out of my way to invite half of her sons invitee's and have stolen new boy.

She writes 'I didn't expect her DS to receive an invite but I certainly didn't think that you'd ruin his party'

I'm in complete shock, I have no idea what to write back or why she's getting so upset, I've never dealt with anything like this.

OP posts:
blueturtle6 · 18/05/2016 07:06

Do you reckon she read this thread before sending the calmer apologetic email? She knows she in the wrong. If she sends out DS an invite id be tempted to change your day out to sunday is your ds wants to attend...

momtothree · 18/05/2016 07:25

If she sends out DS an invite id be tempted to change your day out to sunday is your ds wants to attend...

She won't send your DS an invite and why should OP roll over and accommodate this rude woman?

MargotLovedTom · 18/05/2016 07:55

Does it not put you off your DH a bit, imagining him standing in a huddle in the yard giving it "She never?! Really? Well, I shouldn't say anything but...."? Wink.

Surely it wouldn't be a big deal if new boy wanted to go to ex-friend's party? He wasn't invited to the London trip originally so can't see OP's son being bothered.

DailyMaui · 18/05/2016 08:01

OP I lived somewhere with constant sunshine too hot for half the year and some mothers were totally batshit crazy! And very entitled...

She's bonkers. She knows it. There's nothing you can do. You could always just send her a perplexed emoticon Confused

CodyKing · 18/05/2016 08:01

Surely it wouldn't be a big deal if new boy wanted to go to ex-friend's party? He wasn't invited to the London trip originally so can't see OP's son being bothered.

Can you see this phone call?

Hi NF mom, XF is unhappy that your boy is excited to go Lindon for DS birthday - so I've decided to Uniivite him so he can go there instead! Oh NF still wants to go to London with his brother? OH well XF mom said he can't - so if that ok?

Madness to suggest OP should involve herself in another child's dilemma over an invite! You wouldn't want to be dictated too - and OP would look like a batshit mother!!

leelu66 · 18/05/2016 08:41

^Does it not put you off your DH a bit, imagining him standing in a huddle in the yard giving it "She never?! Really? Well, I shouldn't say anything but...."? Wink

Why? What's sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander.

SparklingCyanide · 18/05/2016 09:00

Continue ignoring. It's dignified, keeps your hand the upper one as it should be in circs AND most importantly clearly makes her anxious tee hee

fassbendersmistress · 18/05/2016 09:14

your DS's birthday is on the Friday and you're having a party on the Saturday....how is that 'going out of your way' to sabotage her kids party. ignore.

Why is this even a thing for her....has DH been stirring things up in the playground...Wink

Janecc · 18/05/2016 10:20

If she continues to harangue you, I would be tempted to reply just once.

Dear Mrs Loony Bin (Glue Face)

It would be terribly unfair to disinvite new boy.

Perhaps you could address your concerns with his parents as it is his decision whose party he would rather attend.

I wish your ds a great birthday. Ds is really looking forward to his.

Regards
Mrs someone who has some morals.

I wouldn't tell her that he's a tag along. Or let her get wind of it through playground gossip. She'd look pretty stupid to his parents if she did talk to them as its a bit crazy to try to steal your ds' invitees.

The note also tells her that no one is the centre of the universe.

HisNameWasPrinceAndHeWasFunky · 18/05/2016 10:43

Just continue ignoring her. She knows shes been a tit.

Hopefully DS and NewBoy will firm up their friendship on the day and then all 3 boys can get along harmoniously in the future.

mrsmugoo · 18/05/2016 10:58

Uninvite new boy.

Problem solved.

AugustaFinkNottle · 18/05/2016 11:01

Why, mrsmugoo?

Original poster
Lucylaceingale · 18/05/2016 11:02

Just spoke

OP posts:
mirtle · 18/05/2016 11:17

She's handled this badly. Dd has a birthday at the same time as four others in her class. When I've had this situation, i.e. clashing dates when others have already sent invitations out, I rebook our party for another date.

I've never felt the need to harrass other parents about it or accuse them of stealing our guests.

Original poster
Lucylaceingale · 18/05/2016 11:19

Opps, posted too early. Just spoke to DH, apparently this morning, she's told anyone that would listen that I had refused to be accommodating and so now she has to reconsider her DS' party, as she can't possibly have a party with 6 kids?!

Mrsmugoo, why on earth would I do that? I'll look insane, hey neighbours, I know I said NB can go, but I've changed my mind now but we'd still love to take older brother out?

The family have 2 invites, they don't need me to knock on their door and cancel on them, if NB doesn't want to come, then they can easily cancel themselves, the Mum would have better luck trying to convince the family to back out anyway, cos I certainly won't be doing it.

OP posts:
AugustaFinkNottle · 18/05/2016 11:22

I suspect the other parents think she's on glue also. If someone moaned to me in the playground that another parent was unreasonable in refusing to change all the arrangements for her child's party just because they wanted to have a party on the same day, I'd be making a mental note to keep well away from her in future.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 18/05/2016 11:22

I do hope your husband set them straight and pointed out your invitations went out first and you had no knowledge she was planning a party for the same? Perhaps throw in the comment about uninviting the kid to force him to go to her ds party, just to show the level of batshit this lady is.

blueskyinmarch · 18/05/2016 11:27

NB can’t be uninvited when he was never technically invited in the first place. He is merely tagging along as his DB is going. If he fancies the other boy’s party more then i am sure he can change his mind and go to that instead. No need for OP to get involved at all.

Party clashes happen all the time. It can’t be helped. Having a DC with a pre Christmas birthday i know ALL about clashing events!

Janecc · 18/05/2016 11:28

I think your ds got a lucky escape - her son changing friendships. I can imagine that would have been interesting as the children got older Hmm

BeYourselfUnlessUCanBeAUnicorn · 18/05/2016 11:32

Not surprised she has got in there quickly. What has your DH said to others in the playground? I wouldn't be happy being badmouthed without getting the actual facts across.

If there was a parent in our playground doing this, I'd be the one to point out to them that the other invites went out first so she has to suck it up or change it, no big deal.

JerryFerry · 18/05/2016 11:33

Tbh it sounds as though your DH has been stirring, it's all rather unpleasant and I am not buying that you and your DH are not part of the problem.

todayitstarts · 18/05/2016 11:34

From her point of view, you must have known that her DS's birthday was close if they had been friends since reception. What did you do for parties in previous years? That is not to say you did anything wrong or that you should have consulted her before arranging DS party. But she might think you bear a grudge as your son was dumped for the NB and are therefore taking revenge and trying to steal him. There's not much to do though, just let her rant and put her right if she asks directly. In any case, what were you to do when asked to invite NB? Say no? And uninviting him now is bonkers.

HisNameWasPrinceAndHeWasFunky · 18/05/2016 11:34

Love the ways she says its you - does she not think your DH (you know the one who is taking the kids to London) has any involvement at all?

She seems to have a problem with YOU personally OP!

She is showing herself up - stand back and let her.

LookJustCancelTheCheque · 18/05/2016 11:45

She's a piece of work, isn't she?

Continue to ignore.

Original poster
Lucylaceingale · 18/05/2016 11:50

JerryFerry, DH hasn't had any time to stir anything, we've had no contact with this woman until she sent me 2 emails yesterday, DH had no idea her sons party was the same day as the trip until Monday when she handed out invites, he also didn't know who she was going to invite, so explain to me, how he's had any involvement?!

DH told the usual people he gossips with that DS arrangements were sorted out last week and we had no intention to change it, although I'm sure he wasn't as kind as I am with his wording.

ItStarts, in the past we spoke and made are it didn't clash, as we're no longer on speaking terms, I didn't call her up this year, she knows my DS' birthday, she could have realised we would plan something and change her date, she chose not to.

OP posts: