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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset that my immediate family didn't acknowledge my 40th

44 replies

Blarblarblar · 17/05/2016 11:42

My DH did obviously and gave me a lovely day but my mum,dad & siblings didn't even send me a card let alone a present.
I'm willing to acknowledge I'm being petty but I'm hurt and want to gauge how others would feel.
In general I thought we were a close family. I've sent a text to say I was hurt but no reply.

OP posts:
LittleSausageFingers · 17/05/2016 11:47

Not even a text message or phone call? YANBU. That's pretty upsetting, sorry OP. Glad your DH gave you a nice day.

Original poster
Blarblarblar · 17/05/2016 11:50

2 called, one sent a txt the day after.
I want to let it go but I'm so upset.

OP posts:
A11TheSmallTh1ngs · 17/05/2016 11:51

Did you have a party or lunch or something that they were invited to?

TheNaze73 · 17/05/2016 11:52

What did you invite them to?

Only1scoop · 17/05/2016 11:54

I wouldn't be upset with the two that called....but surely it wouldn't have hurt the others to acknowledge your birthday also.

Do you normally get a card etc from family members?

Original poster
Blarblarblar · 17/05/2016 11:55

I invited my mum, who lives near me to spend the day with me, she chose not to. My siblings live a little too far to visit for a couple of hours.

OP posts:
Grumpyoldblonde · 17/05/2016 11:58

Yanbu, very hurtful not to send cards/gifts/call.
Would never happen in my family, we make a biggish deal out of occasions, but in your shoes I would be very hurt.
Glad your DH made the day nice.

Original poster
Blarblarblar · 17/05/2016 12:00

I don't normally make a big deal of birthdays but it's my 40th
In the few days before mum was asking what I wanted and I said just a little something for the house, we were joking but I actually thought it was a joke and kept thinking she would turn up. All day I just thought no she hasn't surely not got me even a card.

OP posts:
Grumpyoldblonde · 17/05/2016 13:03

If you normally get on with your family and they normally send cards, then this is just mean, horrible. Unless, they have a surprise planned for you? (that would piss me off even more tbh)

Majorlyscared1993 · 17/05/2016 13:06

Cut them out. they are rude and cruel. Don't make any sort of effort to their birthdays again.

RainbowsAndUnicorns5 · 17/05/2016 13:08

StarCake Happy Birthday !! CakeStar

gamerchick · 17/05/2016 13:14

Happy birthday Flowers that is hurtful, especially as it's a special one. its even worse when you make a fuss over theirs. Do they usually make an effort? Do they have something planned do you think?

My parents forgot mine once, I wouldn't care but I'd spent that whole day with them. I think that's what can happen if you don't normally do anything.

Elle80 · 17/05/2016 13:16

Wow YANBU. Yes I would have been very upset to not even have received a card from my parents and sibling(s). I'm glad you had a lovely day courtesy of your DH. Happy belated birthday

Original poster
Blarblarblar · 17/05/2016 13:17

I think I feel more foolish because I thought it was a joke and actually they were going to surprise me Blush
I texted them to say I was hurt and I only got a reply from my father saying that my mother was very upset. Why did everyone ignore her birthday? (I didn't reply just thought it)

OP posts:
Grumpyoldblonde · 17/05/2016 13:26

Your mother is upset? She ignores your birthday, and she is upset? Well, boo bloody hoo. You do something nice at the weekend Op, I hate it when you tell somebody they have upset you and they get all upset themselves, very weird way to behave.

Original poster
Blarblarblar · 17/05/2016 13:29

Drives me nuts too. It's the usual.

OP posts:
SirChenjin · 17/05/2016 13:30

Oh that's bad of them Sad

Did none of them give a reason? What on earth could have possessed them to think it was OK to ignore your 40th?

itssaulgoodman · 17/05/2016 13:33

I'm so sorry Blar Cake Flowers Thats really mean! The same happened to me on my 30th and I was devastated. Bastards the lot of them!

Grumpyoldblonde · 17/05/2016 13:37

Bastards indeed, Auntie Grumpy prescribes a bottle of champagne and some nice chocs at the weekend for you Op, and a nice bunch of flowers. Your Mum has form for this by the sound of it, you take care of yourself from now on.
Happy belated birthday to you!

fascicle · 17/05/2016 13:43

Happy birthday. Is your family generally casual about birthdays? Just wondering if this is par for the course.

onehappymummy · 17/05/2016 13:51

I'd be upset too but not suprised. Sometimes people assume you wont care and so dont bother. I get it frequently - no fuss on my 21st, 30th or even any sort of hen-do (family only wedding with sister as MoH, a meal or a couple of drinks at the pub would have done me) before my wedding. They always assume that I wont want a fuss so dont do it. I have learnt that if I want something I have to specifically ask. Mention before events with not so subtle hints (e.g. "I'll speak to you later, well at least on my bday" or jokingly "you better not forget my birthday!) or lower your expectations.

Original poster
Blarblarblar · 17/05/2016 13:55

Thanks folks, at least I feel like I'm not being petty.
I'll lower my expectations and just try and let it go. I'm sure my mum will now huff with me for the next few weeks for mentioning it.

OP posts:
Grumpyoldblonde · 17/05/2016 13:58

Well, you huff right back at her, she is the one who ignored your 40th.

Original poster
Blarblarblar · 17/05/2016 14:09

I'm not a good huffer grumpy but I'll not be calling her Smile

OP posts:
squoosh · 17/05/2016 15:01

Oh that's really shitty behaviour on their part OP. I'd be miffed if my parents forgot my birthday but the fact they knew it was your birthday but didn't acknowledge it? Especially a milestone birthday. Pah to them.

Glad your DH gave you a good day! Cake Flowers