To be upset that my immediate family didn't acknowledge my 40th

[Blarblarblar]

My DH did obviously and gave me a lovely day but my mum,dad & siblings didn't even send me a card let alone a present.
I'm willing to acknowledge I'm being petty but I'm hurt and want to gauge how others would feel.
In general I thought we were a close family. I've sent a text to say I was hurt but no reply.

[TheCrumpettyTree]

So your mum has turned it back round on you and now the whole thing is your fault? Does this sort of thing usually happen in your family? Don't apologise. They didn't acknowledge your birthday and that's shit, that's their fault.

[Grumpyoldblonde]

Your family do sound odd I am sorry to say. They are not speaking to you because you are upset they ignored your 40th birthday, is this normal kind of behaviour for your Mum?

[springydaffs]

She sounds like a piece of work to me

[Blarblarblar]

Thank you folks.
I have definitely not fallen out with everyone. Well I actually have now because I've been sent to Coventry. I told them I was hurt and a million reasons why it was actually my fault for the situation were sent my way. They think I shouldn't have said anything I still feel hurt. The most frustrating thing is how the entire narrative of the situation has been changed by my mum so she can justify instead of just saying she is sorry like a normal person who hurts someone they love would do.

[dreamerlemur]

Sounds like there is some underlying resentment from your family to you? Pretty bad behaviour from them me thinks. Happy Belated Birthday!

[AdjustableWench]

I find it quite odd that the person who gave birth to you didn't acknowledge your birthday. I know all families are different but I can't understand this - especially as it was your 40th.

[QuestionableMouse]

I had a rubbish birthday this year too. I'm sorry yours was shitty.

Do what I did- treat yourself to something lovely. :)

[springydaffs]

Oh that's horrible. Not petty at all to be upset

Happy Birthday

[Blarblarblar]

Thank you very much, still not feeling fab
I called my pals who sent cards to say thank you for remembering or sent a txt. I was very chuffed when colleagues remembered so of course said thank you. Why?

[thetemptationofchocolate]

My parents completely forgot my birthday one year. I was upset too.

Happy birthday to you OP, 40 is a fabulous age and I hope you enjoy it :)

[RainbowsAndUnicorns5]

If someone wishes you a happy birthday do you acknowledge it though, say thanks?

[Blarblarblar]

They all knew I would have liked acknowledgement. They know me well, we all speak at least 3 times a week and they know that I have been anxious about doing "something". With a bit of thought a card and a promise to get together in a few weeks would have been nice.

[squoosh]

Yeah people aren't mind readers. You need to spell it out to your parents that you might want them to wish you a Happy Birthday on your 40th.......

Of course you do.

[Wuffleflump]

Lots of people don't do birthdays.

If I want people to make a fuss of my birthday, I make sure they know it. If I want to do something in particular, I will plan it myself and tell them.

My siblings both had big 40th birthday bashes, and they (and/or their partners) organised it and made sure everyone knew.

Equally, if all you want is a nice meal with immediate family, you say that is what you want.

No use saying nothing, expecting something unusual, and being surprised when nobody thought you were that bothered.

People aren't mind-readers.

[RunRabbitRunRabbit]

If she's going to huff with you for a few weeks for your great crime of telling her that she upset you, then you've got some pretty serious DM problems.

What persona does she put on that let's her act like that and for you to accept it? Martyr, princess, grand high witch?

[LagunaBubbles]

Youre not being petty at all! I know a lot of people on here think its ridiculous to bother about adult birthdays and its only another day but for me its always about the relationships people has and what it means to you - sending a card for example doesnt take much effort and would mean a lot to me, if my Mum was alive and had ignored my 40th I would be really upset.

[Kitty3E]

Its not hard to send someone a text. I am not surprised you are annoyed

[Lymmmummy]

Think it depends on whether you are close or not and whether you have made effort for their milestone birthdays

Regardless not nice - if your family are estranged that is rotten if your family consider themselves closes but make no significant effort also not so great

[squoosh]

Oh that's really shitty behaviour on their part OP. I'd be miffed if my parents forgot my birthday but the fact they knew it was your birthday but didn't acknowledge it? Especially a milestone birthday. Pah to them.

Glad your DH gave you a good day!

[Blarblarblar]

I'm not a good huffer grumpy but I'll not be calling her

[Grumpyoldblonde]

Well, you huff right back at her, she is the one who ignored your 40th.

[Blarblarblar]

Thanks folks, at least I feel like I'm not being petty.
I'll lower my expectations and just try and let it go. I'm sure my mum will now huff with me for the next few weeks for mentioning it.

[onehappymummy]

I'd be upset too but not suprised. Sometimes people assume you wont care and so dont bother. I get it frequently - no fuss on my 21st, 30th or even any sort of hen-do (family only wedding with sister as MoH, a meal or a couple of drinks at the pub would have done me) before my wedding. They always assume that I wont want a fuss so dont do it. I have learnt that if I want something I have to specifically ask. Mention before events with not so subtle hints (e.g. "I'll speak to you later, well at least on my bday" or jokingly "you better not forget my birthday!) or lower your expectations.

[fascicle]

Happy birthday. Is your family generally casual about birthdays? Just wondering if this is par for the course.