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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

...to think £100 for a colleague's evening wedding is too much?

81 replies

ChicagoBare · 16/05/2016 23:29

In the past we've given £100-£150 for close friends where we've attended all day. This Saturday we're going to a colleague's (of mine) evening do and DH wrote a cheque for £100 to put in the card I bought which I think is too much. We can afford it, but I think it's more than 'normal' and would sooner give £50 or a bottle of nice champagne. DH thinks I'm being ridiculous as the bride's father (groom is my colleague but we know them both) is minted and wedding will have a free bar so we should pay our way. No travel or hotel to pay, bar a £20 taxi. Thoughts?

OP posts:

ErNope · 16/05/2016 23:30

100 sounds fine to me, a little generous but not overly/weirdly so.

MintyChops · 16/05/2016 23:30

Too much. £50 sounds much more appropriate. I'm not mean but £100 is OTT.

SaveSomeSpendSome · 16/05/2016 23:31

I think £50 is plenty.

ADishBestEatenCold · 16/05/2016 23:36

Just the evening do, but not ceremony or meal ... yes £50 or a bottle of champagne, is enough.

TurquoiseDress · 16/05/2016 23:38

£50 sounds perfectly reasonable.

We went to a wedding abroad last year- paid for flights, hotels, car hire, petrol blah blah

I was astounded when I realised he'd made a cheque to them for 200 euros!! (about £120)

I literally was like what the actual fuck. We don't even see the couple socially on our own, just maybe a couple of times a year.
One half of the couple is one of DH's old work colleague.

For my own brother's wedding I gave £100 and that felt more than enough.

Can you tell I'm still peed off 1 year later?!

ParanoidGynodroid · 16/05/2016 23:38

Golly, didn't you see the recent thread about giving £100 for ex-colleague?

It's not enough, apparently!

Actually, as you're not doing the full shebang and not close to the marrying couple I'd have thought £50 was more than generous.

arethereanyleftatall · 16/05/2016 23:41

£100 is what we give.

Xmasbaby11 · 16/05/2016 23:45

We give a gift worth £50. I haven't been to an evening do but would spend about 30. I didn't realise that was stingy. At our wedding most couples spent under 50. Evening guests about £10.

Original poster

ChicagoBare · 16/05/2016 23:55

If we have 3 drinks each, at posh wedding venue prices, that's approaching £45. And there will probably be some sort of evening food laid on. I think this is where DH is coming from.

OP posts:

Gwenhwyfar · 16/05/2016 23:59

I must be the meanest person on mn. I gave 20 pounds when I attended the whole day 10 years ago. I had to pay for travel from abroad and hotel for one night.

Even if not travelling very far, I would never give 100.
Just realised most of you are talking about an amount between 2 people aren't you? So that would be 50 each, which makes more sense.

BackforGood · 17/05/2016 00:07

£100 sounds a LOT to me, but I guess it depends on the circles you move in.
You say you would normally give £100 - £150 . Well, that's FAR more than I would give as a wedding present, so we're starting from a different perspective.
I have to say, in the dozens upon dozens (possibly into the hundreds) of weddings I've been to in my life, I've never come across a free bar, so again, it's clearly a different circle that you are moving in, so it's difficult for many of us to comment.

hippiedays · 17/05/2016 00:21

I have only been to one (full day) wedding where there was a free bar. The bride and groom requested a donation to charity in lieu of the gift. We donated 150 pounds though most people didn't seem to donate (donations were online). We were very conscious about watching the number of drinks we had as we didn't want to take advantage. I think most people were the same as there was never anybody at the bar counter when we went to it!

I think if we were going to an evening reception I'd probably give 75 pounds.

GlitterGlassEye · 17/05/2016 00:22

£50 here for family weddings. I did recently attend a good friends last minute wedding, I couldn't afford a decent 'cash' gift so gave them a set of Swarovski crystal glasses and bottle of champagne. Total was £25.

AHellOfABird · 17/05/2016 00:29

Hang on, this cheque hasn't been cashed?

Cancel it!

Original poster

ChicagoBare · 17/05/2016 00:55

No no, not been cashed. Wedding not til Sat. Just wondering if the amount is reasonable.

OP posts:

FibbyMcFibFace · 17/05/2016 01:02

I think either £50 or £100 would be fine.

...... So, how about £75?

NeedsAsockamnesty · 17/05/2016 01:03

The entire point of hosting guests at a wedding is you host them.

A gift is not meant to cover the cost of doing so.

Your DH is being tacky

nooka · 17/05/2016 01:20

I'd usually give more money to couples I knew were short of money, so the idea of giving more to those that are minted seems a bit weird. It's the host's choice to have a free bar, that doesn't mean the guests have to chip in more.

Bogeyface · 17/05/2016 01:27

£50 would be a day invite gift, £30 for evening only.

We got £10 from a lot of our guests (asked for B&Q vouchers for the house) who got a full day invite.

ShanghaiDiva · 17/05/2016 01:40

I think the evening/all day thing is a red herring. 50 for a colleague is a generous gift, particularly if you give a bottle of champagne too.

ChopsticksandChilliCrab · 17/05/2016 02:10

If you can afford it then £100 is fine. It is going to the newly married couple not the FOTB.

MadamDeathstare · 17/05/2016 02:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HandsomeGroomGiveHerRoom · 17/05/2016 06:11

£100 seems very generous as a gift to someone you're not that close to, unless you're minted. Very nice if you can afford it though.

SpaghettiMeatballs · 17/05/2016 06:32

I would give £50 for an evening party.

Janeymoo50 · 17/05/2016 06:58

Blimey, I think £100 is a lot for all day or evening anyway (but I'm pretty tight).

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