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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to think £100 for a colleague's evening wedding is too much?

81 replies

ChicagoBare · 16/05/2016 23:29

In the past we've given £100-£150 for close friends where we've attended all day. This Saturday we're going to a colleague's (of mine) evening do and DH wrote a cheque for £100 to put in the card I bought which I think is too much. We can afford it, but I think it's more than 'normal' and would sooner give £50 or a bottle of nice champagne. DH thinks I'm being ridiculous as the bride's father (groom is my colleague but we know them both) is minted and wedding will have a free bar so we should pay our way. No travel or hotel to pay, bar a £20 taxi. Thoughts?

OP posts:
KaraokeQueenOfTheNorth · 17/05/2016 07:09

These threads always make me feel very tight (poor!) indeed! I generally don't give wedding gifts if the wedding has cost me a significant amount to attend (I'm going to one this summer which will cost DH and I around £300 to attend inc. travel and accommodation. Our presence will be our present!) and local weddings I'd give around £15 (£20 if DH and I both attending). But then we have very little "spare" money and £100 would take me several months to save up.
£100 as an evening guest seems loads! I genuinely didn't expect gifts from evening guests at all when I got married.and if I had got £100 from anyone (even a couple) I would have been gobsmacked. The average gift people gave cost around £10-£20. But I guess it depends the circles you move in.,,

redhat · 17/05/2016 07:13

Gosh I think £100 is ridiculously high for an evening reception invitation.

I don't think it depends on the social circle either really. DH and I are both high earners and mix with other very high earners (said not as a boast but to give context). I would give £50 maximum for an evening gift and maybe push it to £75 for a full day but still think that's on the high side. There's a point at which it looks like being flashy IMO.

MrsJamin · 17/05/2016 07:13

When did weddings become about giving money? We've never done anything but give a gift off the wedding list? Its all so grabby :(

ForalltheSaints · 17/05/2016 07:13

Seems overly generous to me.

SoupDragon · 17/05/2016 07:21

When did weddings become about giving money? We've never done anything but give a gift off the wedding list? Its all so grabby

Money is no more grabby than asking for gifts. A £100 cheque or £100 worth of diner plates, it is asking for £100 either way.

I think £100 is a little on the generous side for someone who isnt close.

Whocansay · 17/05/2016 07:26

Evening invitation for a colleague? Nice bottle of wine and a card, no cash necessary.

NicknameUsed · 17/05/2016 07:26

"£100 sounds a LOT to me, but I guess it depends on the circles you move in."

I don't know anyone who would give that much as a wedding present either. There are a lot of well off mumsnettters on here.

Alconleigh · 17/05/2016 07:30

I think that's way too much for an evening. I've given a £20 John Lewis voucher in the past. I wouldn't give £100 for all day either though. I agree with pp that the concept of chipping in to cover the bar is misguided from your husband. Like another poster my generosity is also influenced by how much attending has cost me. Which is generally in the hundreds as I've only been to two local weddings out of about 20.

claraschu · 17/05/2016 07:31

Very very strange to think of a gift as somehow paying for your dinner and drinks.

Can't we stick with the polite fiction that a couple have a wedding because they want to celebrate their marriage with their friends, and that friends give gifts because they are overcome with affection for the happy couple, and want to commemorate the occasion?

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 17/05/2016 07:32

50 is fine. Or a thoughtful gift

ShanghaiDiva · 17/05/2016 07:36

In some countries, China for example, the cash gift is actually to cover the cost of your meal and the money goes to the parents of the bride and groom or whoever paid for the meal. You write your name on the back of the red envelope containing the money and then when you get married you get a similar amount (adjusted for inflation).

Iwantagoonthetrampoline · 17/05/2016 07:39

£100 is very generous. Whenever a colleague has got married where I work we've done a collection and group gift - I probably put in a fiver! Wouldn't give extra if attending evening do unless particularly longterm/close working relationship or also friendly outside of work. I'd give £100 to a close friend/cousin, but this is regardless of whether evening/daytime.

littledrummergirl · 17/05/2016 07:41

I gave dsis £20 b&q vouchers when she got married. No way would I give more to a colleague.

  • we don't really do gifts as a family. Friends who know me get this (that's why they're friends) and wouldn't expect more. Yanbu
IlikePercyPig · 17/05/2016 07:59

£100 for a colleague is way too much, I'm going to a colleague's wedding soon and they'll get £25 from us.

diddl · 17/05/2016 08:05

Far too much imo!

The idea is a gift for the couple, not to pay your pay!

expatinscotland · 17/05/2016 08:08

Way too much for a colleague's evening do.

TheNaze73 · 17/05/2016 08:12

I think £50 is enough for an evening only attendee

Wolpertinger · 17/05/2016 08:17

Far far too much! Evening invite for a colleague round here would be card and a tenner contribution to the join present from work.

whois · 17/05/2016 08:17

£100 is shit loads for an evening guest. £50 or a bottle of champagne.

PurpleDaisies · 17/05/2016 08:22

I don't differentiate between evening and all day weddings in terms of presents. I get them something based on the fact that I like the couple and want to wish then we'll at the start of their marriage.

Saying that, in the circles I move in £100 is a massively generous gift. Most people would spend about £30 on a present/cash gift.

3BusyBabies · 17/05/2016 08:26

Unless you know otherwise, never presume the bar is free!!!!
We attended a VERY swanky wedding of a VERY wealthy couple and no expense was spared, apart from the bar - which was cash (yes cash!!!) only Confused.
It was all very embarrassing as DH and I only had about £20 on us in cash and the nearest cash machine was miles away (wedding was in a remote country pile). I heard murmurs of surprise from of other guests too so it wasn't just us. We couldn't accept drinks off anyone else as wouldn't have been able buy them back. There were some ridiculously expensive rounds being bought (running in to hundreds of pounds) so we can only presume some people always carry vast amounts of cash to weddings (or had a heads up maybe). I nursed one glass of wine for as long as I could and then drank nothing as I was too embarrassed, sober and self conscious to order water.
What made it even more embarrassing is that DH was actually the best man Blush and so very visible if that's the word.

Only1scoop · 17/05/2016 08:27

I think a cq in a card to evening reception is slightly naff.

She's YOUR colleague YOU decide. Commenting about her parents being loaded also slightly crass, even if true.

I'd go for a nice bottle or a voucher in a nice card.

Oriunda · 17/05/2016 08:30

Shanghai, same in Italy (our region anyway). Maybe not a cash gift, but equivalent spent off the gift list. We've still got our gift list from our wedding and have to consult it before any of the cousins etc get married to ensure we've matched their parents' gift to us. My MIL sat down with our list after our wedding and still knows exactly how much each relative spent on us! It meant we totally stuffed when a crazy aunt spent 1000 euros off our gift list, as we had to return the favour when her son got married.

Mangetoutisdelicious · 17/05/2016 08:31

I think you are right-£50 is perfect . £100 is OTT.

Oriunda · 17/05/2016 08:31

We didn't have evening reception and they don't exist in Italy - whole day or nothing. In OP's case I think £50 is more than generous for a couple.

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