...to think £100 for a colleague's evening wedding is too much?

[ChicagoBare]

In the past we've given £100-£150 for close friends where we've attended all day. This Saturday we're going to a colleague's (of mine) evening do and DH wrote a cheque for £100 to put in the card I bought which I think is too much. We can afford it, but I think it's more than 'normal' and would sooner give £50 or a bottle of nice champagne. DH thinks I'm being ridiculous as the bride's father (groom is my colleague but we know them both) is minted and wedding will have a free bar so we should pay our way. No travel or hotel to pay, bar a £20 taxi. Thoughts?

You're not buying a ticket to the party. You give according to your means, not theirs. Otherwise your logic says that poor people who actually need things get crappy presents, while rich people, who need nothing, get bigger gifts. My logic says that's the wrong way around - but more to the point, gifts are not payment.

Further, if you follow the 'buying a ticket' logic, only people as wealthy as the host (or able to stretch themselves) can be invited. No-one poorer. Most people want to invite their friends, whatever their means.

I'd buy a gift for about £80. I wouldn't give a cheque. Nice piece of glassware or Swarowski crystal tiny thing. Might up it to £100 if item merited it. We haven't been to a wedding for ages though.

I've never been to a wedding where guests buy their own drinks.

£100! £50 is already generous. They are hosting, you aren't paying to attend.

Beau I've never been to a wedding where there is a free bar! I'm going to the wrong ones

evening = £50

Somewhere in between and closer to £50.

£65

So you are both friends of the bride and groom, but one is also your colleague?

I'd probably go with £50-75. £100 is generous but if you were attending by yourself would you give £25 or £50 and perhaps that's where your husband is coming from?

If I was just invited to the evening do, I wouldn't give anything like £100.

£100 for a colleague who's invited you to their evening do?! Last evening do we went to we gave £25 towards their honeymoon gift list! I think we gave my sister about £50 when she got married!

Maybe I need to get married

I wouldn't bank on a free bar either.

Went to the wedding of millionaires, we had to pay over inflated prices for all our drinks.

And they gave us £100 for our wedding, we thought that was a huge amount and felt awkward accepting it, everyone else gave £10/£20.

Yes is to much espcially if the dad is loaded

Re the free bar, I've been to a real mixture of weddings.

Sometimes they'll be £X amount put behind the bar & once it's gone that's it.

Been to lots of weddings with a 'free bar' but in practice it's when they couple hire a venue & hire all the catering & buy the drinks in bulk to supply for most of the night.

This seems to work well & there is enough for everyone to have at least a glass of champagne & maybe 2/3 glades of wine.

V reasonable in my opinion. No need to get shift faced at a wedding just because there is a 'free bar'.

Is this giving money thing the norm now? I've never been to one where people did - it sounds weird. You might just as well sell tickets.

It seems like splitting hairs really. Your DH wants to give £100, you want to give £50 and a bottle of champagne - which will cost around £35. To be honest, I think it's a lot of hassle over a £15 difference!!

Agree with pp, minted people expect more, IME. If you can afford it bite the bullet and pay the £100 - think of it as the bill you pay for attending the wedding.

espcially if the dad is loaded

It isn't the dad's wedding.

Nice piece of glassware or Swarowski crystal tiny thing.

Whose definition of "nice"?

I don't get all this angst about money. It's the same amount either way and you aren't buying clutter or ugly stuff they hate.

Tiny Swarovski crystal would be something I'd hate to be given. I wouldn't even be able to regift it as I wouldn't give something I wouldn't like to receive myself so it would straight to the charity shop.

A bottle of champagne would be better IMO.

Nice piece of glassware or Swarowski crystal tiny thing.
Someone bought us a naice crystal dinner bell. It went straight to the charity shop.

£100 is massive. I think £50 is a lot but I would do £50 I think.

Are wedding gifts really this calculated nowadays?
Does what you give for a gift depend on what sort of celebration they are offering?
I am genuinely surprised.

" you want to give £50 and a bottle of champagne -"

Op wants to give £50 or champagne. I agree with her that that is more than enough.

"If you can afford it bite the bullet and pay the £100 - think of it as the bill you pay for attending the wedding."

That is just ridiculous! I'd rather not go than go with that attitude!

They are hosting, there's no need to pay them back in any form!

"You're not buying a ticket to the party. You give according to your means, not theirs. Otherwise your logic says that poor people who actually need things get crappy presents, while rich people, who need nothing, get bigger gifts. My logic says that's the wrong way around - but more to the point, gifts are not payment."

Agree with lottiegarbanzo

All friends/ work colleagues get £100 from me and dh regardless of day or night invite. We can afford it so we just treat them all the same.