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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

name stealer ?

123 replies

rubybleu2 · 15/05/2016 19:29

Way back when I was in secondary school, of a year group of around 125, there were at least 6 Sarahs , 8 Emmas countless Claires, and an army of Amys. My own name was also a very popular one, there were 7 of us I think.....when I had my own DDs I was keen to avoid this, so after research on the office for national satistics website I chose a couple of old family names, that were ranked something like 225 & 210 most popular names of the previous years they were born.....to give you an idea of how sparsely used they are nowadays, I shall call them Shelia & Barbara ( these are examples only).....now the problem is this..... a fellow mum from our toddler group is pregnant with twins (identical), and has said if she has girls, she is going to call them the exact same names as my two....we live in a very small village, and her twins will be in the same year group as my youngest, now I realise I don't own the names, and ultimately there's not a lot I can do about it.....but AIBU to feel a bit pissed off, I even told her I thought it would be a bit weird, and why I chose my names, but my concerns didn't seem to register, we also have very similar sounding surnames, and ours is often mispronounced to the exact same as hers

OP posts:

UmbongoUnchained · 16/05/2016 09:44

Id be fucking fuming and actually consider moving because she sounds fucking insane.

heron98 · 16/05/2016 09:47

YABV, V, V U.

You don't own a name. And plus, in ten years' time your kids won't even be in touch with them any more.

You are being faintly ridiculous.

Sgoinneal · 16/05/2016 09:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TrillKitten · 16/05/2016 09:55

SoThatHappened I'm not sure she can do anything, aside from maybe express her concerns to this other person or do a dance under a full moon that this other mum has twin boys I'm just surprised at the reactions like heron98's. Obviously all opinions are legit, I just didn't expect so many folk so strongly insisting that it isn't okay to be peeved about this!

MiddleClassProblem · 16/05/2016 09:59

They probably will be in touch in 10 years time particularly in a small village with few primary school options but 20 years they should be well rid.

AnotherUsernameBitesTheDust · 16/05/2016 10:00

She's bonkers! My kids have family middle names so it'd be weird if someone copied their whole name.

Like you I was one of many of the same name and so was DH, so we chose slightly unusual names for our children. (Most of them are now really popular, we're obviously trendsetters.)

I did get accused of stealing my twins names off someone on another forum I was on. She had two sons with the same name. All very well but DH chose 1 twins name and can't even use a computer! Plus I don't see why it matters, she lives the other side of the country and I'd never met her!

I think pointing out that her children will always be known as "twin Barbara" and "twin Sheila" is a good idea. Or give her a baby names book with your DDs names crossed out and some other names highlighted.

KimmySchmidtsSmile · 16/05/2016 10:07

But she might end up with boys, right?
So unless your DDs names have male counterparts, she might end up with something entirely different.

ItsLikeRainOnYourWeddingDay · 16/05/2016 10:09

Yanbu. Very weird. She is the one who will look weird through, don't worry too much.

carabos · 16/05/2016 10:15

It's weird, but yours are older, so it will be obvious that she has copied you, she may not have a girl /girls and they won't be around forever. Hard to resist calling her on it though. However, she may taking the piss if she thinks the names are a bit out there - people have a strange sense of humour sometimes.

Junosmum · 16/05/2016 10:17

2 people in my church have called their sons the same as my son. His name wasn't in the top 500 when we picked it. I'm a bit miffed but it is just a name.

Mrsfancyfanjango · 16/05/2016 10:34

It's definitely weird:
I have three dds and when I was pregnant with the eldest a friend of the family announced they were calling their dd 'Amelia' (not the real name) which was the same name we had chosen, I think we were both a bit miffed but it was a coincidence. I made sure I chose uncommon names for my other dds and would be really annoyed if someone deliberately copied them!

thelittleredhen · 16/05/2016 10:35

'oh you've spelt Anne with an E, I was thinking Ann, but if you have an E, we'll go with that'

This is proper fucking batshit. I think that her using the same names as you is the least of your problems with her to be honest.

Katinkka · 16/05/2016 11:34

Weird woman.

BeYourselfUnlessUCanBeAUnicorn · 16/05/2016 11:44

She is weird and it would really really annoy me. I don't think she is winding you up. It's hardly funny is it.

Tell her how annoying it will be for all of them to be known as the exact same name. They wouldn't even be able to be Sheila S would then, given the surnames are almost the same as well! How on earth would they be known at school? 'Sheila brown hair' 'Sheila blue eyes', how ridiculous and I'd have to point this out to her, and fast and bloody pray they are boys!

MatildaTheCat · 16/05/2016 11:47

OP has said she doesn't actually know this woman very well. Could it be that she has a severe case of pregnancy head and has heard the names, liked them and chosen them without fully realising how weird she is being?

I would be very fed up and would consider going to see her and saying nicely that she probably doesn't realise that she has chosen the exact same names which is making you feel uncomfortable and given the DC will be at school together, could prove really difficult for years to come.

My mum was planning to call me a certain name then her friend had a baby a couple of months earlier and chose that name so I got another choice. In fact I like the original name better. I also have the exact same name as my SIL and because it is extremely unusual it has caused confusion...to the extent of mixed up medical records which is worse than annoying.

paxillin · 16/05/2016 11:51

It is odd, but nothing you can do. Other than publicising carefully to a popular and indiscreet member of the village community. What does the twins' dad say? Everybody in the village will just think what an odd thing she has done. I don't think it'll impact on your dds too much.

Original poster

rubybleu2 · 16/05/2016 12:51

she is not joking her first name beings with the letter C, and she is know as copy C--, we once held a fundraiser, one of the other mums came to group straight from the shops, where she'd been to collect her internet bargain ball gown that she planned to wear to our do, she brought it in for us to admire..... can you guess what copy c- went out and bought ? yes she fucking did ! she wore it to the same do, saying when I saw it, I fell in love with it ! If I could try to give you an idea of her, I would say imagine Joey Essex less intelligent untanned little sister...and you would still be no where near the mark, I've tried to suggest she thinks of some nice family names of her own, and I think its a bit weird etc, but it goes completely over her head, I think I may have to be blunt, but I will say that I don't actually own the names, so she can still choose them if she wishes

OP posts:

Bogeyface · 16/05/2016 13:50

I think I may have to be blunt, but I will say that I don't actually own the names, so she can still choose them if she wishes

Leave out the last bit and ask her if she wants to be laughed at for naming her children exactly the same as you.

ronjo · 16/05/2016 13:58

If she is not so clever then maybe you can tell her that its not allowed in the village for 2 girls under the age of 3 to have the same name :)

gleam · 16/05/2016 14:13

ruby - I'd start telling her your 'favourite' girl names for your 'next baby'. Maybe she'll be taken with those instead (fingers crossed!)

When I was pregnant, DH told his mate our baby names.
His sister named her son 'our' boy name and so did he a couple of years later!
I know you don't own names, but it still rankled.

Fleurdelise · 16/05/2016 14:25

Somebody did this to me. My DD (now 8) has an unusual name, I found it online (lack of imagination ) but I didn't like the spelling so changed one letter which makes it quite unique and rare in this country. When DD was about 3 this lady who I was friends with for about a year after I had DD but then fell out of touch contact me on messenger and tells me she has a baby girl three months old. At one point she goes: "hold on X (Dd's name) is crying I need to pick her up" to which I am completely puzzled. It turns out she decided to name her DD exactly the same name as DD as she liked it.

While I don't own the name I really think it is a bit weird and I admit I made sure we didn't keep in touch as I felt she was a bit of a stalker. (She had her first at the same time as I had DD and she kept asking what pram l'd get, she'd get the same one, what bouncer, what car seat and so on, it was quite creepy ).

Kenduskeag · 16/05/2016 14:40

"oh you've spelt Anne with an E, I was thinking Ann, but if you have an E, we'll go with that"

Wow. "We'll go with that"? Does she know how this whole naming-your-kids thing works?

I guess you have the upper hand - your children already exist and are named. It's a shame your youngest Dorothea Margretta will be sharing a name with Dorothia Margaretta, though.

Personally I'd just back off from her. If she's got form for copying clothes and names to such an extent she deliberately goes out and buys the items and boasts about it, or is so open about copying your kids' names she needs the exact spellings from you, she sounds a little unhinged and not much of a friend. She'll be one of those barmy AIBU threads where she pops around after school and asks you what time you're serving her and her kids dinner.

Katedotness1963 · 16/05/2016 14:46

There were two girls in my year at high school who had the same first name, the same last name and were actually aunt and niece. I always thought that was odd.

LordoftheTits · 16/05/2016 14:48

Id be fucking fuming and actually consider moving because she sounds fucking insane.

This.

I have a friend (and I use the word loosely) like this, she copies everything I do from clothes to haircuts to spectacles to hobbies. It's utterly draining and just gets more annoying as we get older.

This name stealing woman sounds absolutely bonkers. Usually I'm in team Nobody Owns a Name but stealing first and middle names for both kids, and she has a similar surname??

MiddleClassProblem · 16/05/2016 14:48

Maybe she is SN or has some issue with understanding social boundaries. It sounds a bit like she did the dress thing as a compliment or to fit in and doesn't understand the impact

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