name stealer ?

[rubybleu2]

Way back when I was in secondary school, of a year group of around 125, there were at least 6 Sarahs , 8 Emmas countless Claires, and an army of Amys. My own name was also a very popular one, there were 7 of us I think.....when I had my own DDs I was keen to avoid this, so after research on the office for national satistics website I chose a couple of old family names, that were ranked something like 225 & 210 most popular names of the previous years they were born.....to give you an idea of how sparsely used they are nowadays, I shall call them Shelia & Barbara ( these are examples only).....now the problem is this..... a fellow mum from our toddler group is pregnant with twins (identical), and has said if she has girls, she is going to call them the exact same names as my two....we live in a very small village, and her twins will be in the same year group as my youngest, now I realise I don't own the names, and ultimately there's not a lot I can do about it.....but AIBU to feel a bit pissed off, I even told her I thought it would be a bit weird, and why I chose my names, but my concerns didn't seem to register, we also have very similar sounding surnames, and ours is often mispronounced to the exact same as hers

wasonthelist 3 people on this thread have said they share that view and explained it. Why does it matter to you if people have a different view? Can't you accept it?

I'm struggling to think of a better way of describing this without giving out too much 'real' info, oysterbabe, i'm not keen on unusual made up spellings of names either, our names are like the difference between carol and the lesser used carole, or Claire and clair, so for instance my names are shelia carole smythe and Barbara clair smythe, and if she goes ahead with her plan her names will be shelia carol smith and Barbara anne smith, I don't know her all that well, as she is around 8 years younger than me, so our paths never really crossed at school, and I have returned to my home village after uni/work,just a couple of years ago, but she is serious as far as I can tell, she seems pleasant enough, but if I'm brutally honest she is lacking in a few department

MiddleClassProblem Fair enough I guess I was trying to understand why - but if "because" is the answer, that's fine - I have a view too, but I was trying to understand the opposing one - of course I accept it (doesn't make a lot of difference if I do or don't really does it?).

The answer isn't because! It's that they didn't enjoy being one of many with the same name and/or did not want that for their child!

Sorry MiddleClass - I get that, I didn't get why it mattered.

Ditto

It's odd... but there's nowt so queer as folk.

I don't think names around '210 and 225' are that unusual though- we're talking Claudia, Hayley, Nancy, Maia, Louisa, Josephine, of which there are over 200 a year in England, rather than Luciana, Lilith, or Araminta.

One of those is my name, Electro.

wasonthelist lots of people that are always 'Tracey T', 'Tracey G' etc get really fed-up of it. You didn't, fine, but lots do. How hard is that to comprehend?
My name is so unusual that I have only ever met one other in almost fifty years.

alis- what are the chances?
I just went for random ones!

My name was in the top 5 for 25 years, it soon gets old being referred to as "X's Jane (not my name, X being either my parent or husband)" rather than just Jane. I have ended up with a nickname that I encouraged the use of, simply so I could be known in my own right rather than in relation to someone else. I made a point of using traditional but not massively popular names for my kids. Sadly with the boys I named them at the start of a trend, because within 2 years of me having them, each name went to #1 for at least 5 years each (15 year age gap)!

I agree that a blunt word about you not being happy at them having practically identical names needs to be had, as much for her kids sake as anything else. I am sure that they wont be too chuffed at constantly being mistaken for your children. Can you think of a couple of other names that you really really loved for them but couldnt use as your sister had already used them?

Both DH and I have really common names for our age group. One of my best friends has the same name as me and her partner has the same name as my husband. There is another person in our friendship group who has the same name as our husbands too. It's pretty tedious and I immediately ruled out the top 50 names for DD based on my experiences of having a very popular name.

sorry I seem to be confusing people, my daughters are 2 ,and 3 months, she is expecting identical twins (sex unknown) any day now, the year I chose my daughters name it was ranking over 200 odd in popularity, but there were less than 10 girls named that first name in that year...the reason I chose fairly unpopular names was because I was one of 7 same name girls in my school year group, and we all got pissed off with things like 'send Claire jones into see me please about her homework, for you then to realise it was clair jones they wanted, there was also issues with marking test papers, same in the docs,I was keen to avoid this for my daughters, so I chose fairly unused old family names, I haven't messed around with the spelling and put endless iiii instead of y or anything like that,they are just the lesser used spelling version no particular reason why, a suppose its just like some of us prefer sugar in our coffee, some dont....she even went as far as saying 'oh you've spelt Anne with an E, I was thinking Ann, but if you have an E, we'll go with that

Who's sons has she got lined up to copy if she has boys?!

oh you've spelt Anne with an E, I was thinking Ann, but if you have an E, we'll go with that

That was surely your moment to ask her why she wanted to copy your choice of names in such a -demented- determined and obvious way?

Honestly I would go absolutely mental, my kids have unusual names, one to the point of its practically made up... So if anyone I knew used it theyd absolutely be copying me. Think for example instead of Shirley Jones DD is Shure Leigh Jones, etc. It's like a psycho move to be fair When I was naming DS someone I went to school with used the unusual name I had chosen, as unusual as 'River' or 'Anakin' so I felt there was no option but to change it, it wouldn't have been fair on the other mother who clearly picked it for its unique purpose.

I'd call her out in front of other people, she'll be more confident 1on1. Say "oh you must love my kids names a lot then huh! And giggle" see what kind of reaction she gives. Or see if other group mothers will comment for you and say "oh it's a bit strange/confusing that it's exactly the same, I would never do that"

Could you try pointing out that they'll never get to be know by their own names, they'll always be 'Twin Barbara' or 'Sheila - the twin not the other one' or some such?

Or even trying the line that as they're the younger ones, they'll never get to choose if they get to be Barbara or Barbie as the teacher will find out what the eldest child likes first and then make the other one change their name (OK so there's a good chance they'll go with the initial until they realise that they are all similar so they're going to have to find something to differentiate them...).

Even if it wouldn't happen now, it has happened in the past and might be enough to make her think about using different names. It did happen to dh - I call him one thing, rest of his family call him something different as there were lots of Rob's in his class so he just got switched to being Bob - his family still call him Rob (except I've used a different name as an example!) and there are still times when I don't click that they are talking about him. Embarrassing when it's at your own wedding and you're saying that Rob couldn't make it - and your fil is saying 'but you just married him...

It could also cause some real logistical difficulties - silly things like post going to the wrong address because there only needs to be a little typo and things could get messy.

I thought it was really weird in your first post, then it got even worse when you said middle names too! I think it's really odd no matter where you live, but everyone knowing each other and them going to school together does make it worse

I would talk about the wonderful names you have chosen for future children, you have had to keep secret from your sister because you don't want her using them. Keep them in same style as the ones you have used and hope she takes the bait!

thats just bizarre...and would really piss me off.

my cousin named her son the same name as mine, and they are in the same school with the same name. it still winds me up 8 years later

This woman seems absolutely mad and, like everyone else, I think you have to ignore her and rely on everyone else also thinking she's the odd one. I am fascinated by all the people who hated having common names, though. My name is quite common in Wales but very unusual in England (where I have always lived) and I hate it (even though I think my name is quite pretty). I hate constantly having to spell it out, I hate constantly having to decide whether or not to correct people's pronunciation. Sometimes people correct me on how to say it! Combined with my (not Welsh) surname it is incredibly unusual. This is a mixed blessing: I didn't have to try hard to build up my 'online brand' for work, but nonsense from my student days of a decade ago still pops up alongside my work pages! Anyway, I've always been determined that my children will have names like Jack or Jane - one spelling, no nonsense. This thread has taught me that they may not thank me for that, and that they may, in turn, give me oddly named grandchildren!

This sounds so unlikely I suspect she is teasing you.

I am really surprised so many people are cool with this. One name, maybe even two, is coincidence and may just happen to be someone else's personal taste and choice but FOUR names? Same First AND Middle name combinations for BOTH kids? That's more than coincidence.. I would be super uncomfortable with this.

Most peole wouldn't be cool with it. But what exactly can she do?