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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fed up of exsisting rather than living.

33 replies

ontheedgeofthemoon · 15/05/2016 18:58

I don't go out anywhere
I don't have any hobbies
There is nothing where I live and I don't drive
My child has additional needs
I have no help other than elderly parents
She hates school
I hate my job.

I have x amount in my purse (rent)
I just feel like getting on a plane or train with dd and not looking back.

OP posts:
StillStayingClassySanDiego · 15/05/2016 19:16

You can post here, speak to randoms ,have a conversation and know you're not alone.

What are you doing now other than mnetting?

ImperialBlether · 15/05/2016 19:19

Regarding your job - what sort of thing would you like to do? Do you know how you could make it happen? Is there anyone at work that you enjoy talking to?

Is there support in place for your daughter at school? It's sad that she hates going there. Does she have any friends there?

Artandco · 15/05/2016 19:21

Can you remedy anything from your list?

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 15/05/2016 19:23

Your list - what can be improved?

Just5minswithDacre · 15/05/2016 19:25

I was in a similar situation 10 years ago (minus any parents to help). Everything changed in a short space of time. It will for you too.

Can they at least babysit while you have driving lessons? That would be a great starting point.

mumofthemonsters808 · 15/05/2016 19:26

I think we all feel like this from time to time, but having been to see an old friend today in a hospice, it's made me grateful for existing.

OrangeSplot · 15/05/2016 19:29

:( hope you can enjoy some time together in the summer & enjoy weekends together. Parks and sunshine and possibly and ice cream?
Can she change school?
Can you look for a new job?

What do you like?
Life is really tough - sorry it's pants at the moment. It will hopefully get a whole lot better.
Try and focus on small moments of joy rather than the big picture e.g. Be happy for a few minutes swinging in a playground together. Then think about the Small joys you had that day. Sounds odd but I could/can be a bit sad about things and try to focus on small joys.
Swimming is something free/cheap you could enjoy together??

Just5minswithDacre · 15/05/2016 19:31

There's a saying about how sometimes victory is just keeping going. I can't remember the exact words.

But also, if you chip away at the small things in your power, eventually you'll cause an avalanche of change.

Sorry it all feels shit for you ATM Flowers

Cagliostro · 15/05/2016 19:35

Can you break the above into small bits and see what can be changed? Thanks

Cagliostro · 15/05/2016 19:35

And YANBU, it's shit feeling like that.

Original poster
ontheedgeofthemoon · 15/05/2016 19:45

She has one friend. Her others moved to another school.

She has some support but they can also be a bit lot crap. She wants to move schools but we cannot find anywhere near enough with spaces never mind anywhere with spaces.

I want to retrain but i have started uni twice and had to stop due to serious ill health in my early 20s so am waiting for sttudent finance to confirm if they will count it as exemptional circumstances and allow me to reapply although uni said it has been so long since I did any kind of study (and it wasn't alevels) so they would prefer me to do more recent study first.

I work mostly on my own reporting to head office.

All I do is go to work or sit in these four walls. I don't know anyone here other than people who run the shop. Most people here are older and have no kids. I moved here for support my elderly parents are no longer able to offer.

I cannot afford to save to move.

OP posts:
Original poster
ontheedgeofthemoon · 15/05/2016 19:47

That should be never mind anywhere suitable for her needs with spaces.

My parents are very ill. My Mum has a terminal condition, my Dad is very poorly so not really able to regularly take dd.

OP posts:
turtlechildrenandthecity · 15/05/2016 19:48

I am so sorry to hear this moon. Sending big virtual hugs to you. Do you have anyone to talk to about things that are getting you down? I know it sounds simple, but when I was at my lowest, just talking to people who would listen was enough - that is what we are here for x

BungoWomble · 15/05/2016 19:49

Well regarding the first two, have you thought of hobbies you can do at home? Craft work is good and you can start cheaply, just get a ball of yarnand a crochet hook. Have you got room for growing stuff? Those two work for me.

Can you move somewhere? If you don't / don't want to drive living in a town is pretty necessary in good ol' UK. Might give you a better choice of schools too.

Talk to the school about helping your child? What is it he/she doesn't like?

Hope things improve.

BungoWomble · 15/05/2016 19:50

x post...

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 15/05/2016 19:57

Sounds to me like you already know the answer. You said right there at the start. You need to move to a new location.

Where you are now doesn't provide what you need, in fact it gives you the opposite of what you need.

What's stopping you from moving?

treeagate · 15/05/2016 20:04

I know exactly how you feel as I often feel that way too.

I have not been out anywhere except with my children for 12 months and feel like crap, a lot!

What you need to do is build something for yourself. I make bracelets and have a Facebook page which has 250 followers. I don't sell many bracelets but it is something I do for me and be alone. Find you passion and grow it on. Could you make grow or sell something in the quiet times when you feel fed up?

There's a lady called Sark ( Suzanne aerial rainbow Kennedy ) who has lots of books and a website about learning to love yourself and making the most of what you have.

I am a SEN TA in a school specialising in children with autism so if you need help with that just asks

rosyleigh · 15/05/2016 20:07

OP I'm sorry life feels like this, I know how those dark places can be only to well. You really can turn everything on that list around. First step is to look at all the positives in your life, can you think of the chinks of light that you are thankful for, your DD, yours and hers health, your DPs and you'll soon think of more. The Law of Attraction is a powerful concept.
I hope things get brighter for you OP CakeFlowers

Fairylea · 15/05/2016 20:12

You're probably already doing what I'm about to suggest but in the small chance you might not be - are you claiming dla and carers allowance and all the other related benefits that go with a child with additional needs?

I know money isn't a magic wand as such but if it's one of your concerns I would make sure you're claiming all you're entitled to if you're not already. The cerebra dla guide on the cerebra website is very useful, you don't need a diagnosis to claim if you don't have one for your child (sorry, again just mentioning it incase!)

As I said no idea if this is a useless post but just thought I'd say. My son is 4 with severe additional needs and our quality of lie would be severely impaired without the dla / disability element tax credits / carers allowance etc.

MummyBex1985 · 15/05/2016 20:25

On your list, I would say learning to drive is a priority. Hopefully that will open up everything else to you - you could get another job further afield, help your DC into a new school and/or take up some hobbies, childcare permitting.

It's crap feeling the way you do Flowers but sometimes you have to take control of your own destiny!

timelytess · 15/05/2016 20:42

You have somewhere to live.
You have a child.
Your child has a school place.
You have parents.
You have a job.
You have money for the rent.
You have aspirations and a sense that things can improve.
Sometimes when you can't change a situation, it helps to change the way you look at it.

OrangeSplot · 15/05/2016 20:48

Can you make some friends locally?
Join a local church (I'm not religious but I imagine thre are friendly people there).
Do volunteering in a charity shop with your DD on a Saturday to get to talk to people?
Projects in your house like up-cycling furniture or decorating a room?
Get an easy pet like a cat?
Try to get a job where you can work from an office - or ask to work from an office if possible?
Can she at least be added to a waiting list for a new school? Have you done all you can to improve current school situation? It;s good she has one friend at least.
Sorry to hear about your elderly parents and your mum, she sounds very poorly. Do you get on with them and like them? They probably need a hand from you these days?
Where abouts do you live - is it a small village or are you near a city?
Good luck with getting into university -what would you like to study?
Be kind to yourself - if you were seriously ill in your 20s its not so easy to pick yourself up and get things back to normal so easy - may take a loooong time.

Openmindedmonkey · 15/05/2016 20:53

OP, I feel for you.
Sometimes it's so hard to simply carry on, but we have to - the consequences (on ourselves & others) of not doing so are too much, worse even.
You are succeeding every day, although it may not feel like it. Please keep strong & follow your heart - learn, move, improve, be happy. I really like tess's list of all the things that you do have & I wish you luck in making that list longer over the next few months & years Flowers

hesterton · 15/05/2016 20:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
ontheedgeofthemoon · 15/05/2016 20:57

Timelytess I know and I feel shit for feeling erm shit.

While with now exh we had times with no food (although dd was always fed) no money to pay mortgage, we lost our home due to exh behaviour. I had nine operations in as many months.

I am now a single parent. We live month to month but I am at least not walking on egg shells now, at least I have food and at the moment we have a roof over our heads.
I am just utterly fed up Sad

OP posts: