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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - vegan dinner party guest EATING FISH

709 replies

isitginoclock · 13/05/2016 20:06

We're throwing a dinner party. I've just excused myself to the loo to write this because I'm FUMING!! One of our guests has recently become a vegan. I spent bloody ages making her a mushroom pate for starter which she happily tucked into whilst we ate our salmon tartare. She then asked if she could try some salmon.

Wtf?!?!

I've bought loads of different stuff for her to eat and spent all frigging day cooking it. Why do I bother?!

OP posts:
dynevoran · 15/05/2016 12:55

Totally agree with curlup being a pescatarian doesn't make me a hypocritical vegetarian, it just makes me a pescatarian!

Im actually really strict with it and would never go somewhere and eat meat. Nor would i describe myself as vegetarian. My kids and do eat meat, as does my dog so i buy and cook it but Dont eat it.

AndTakeYourPenguinWithYou · 15/05/2016 12:58

Totally agree with curlup being a pescatarian doesn't make me a hypocritical vegetarian, it just makes me a pescatarian!

It doesn't, but lots of pescatarians call themselves vegetarian, and they are hypocritical. But more annoying is the improper use of language.

Words have set meanings. Vegetarians don't eat fish, or gelatine, or chicken. Vegans don't eat fish, or honey, etc etc. You can't use the terms to mean whatever you like, language doesn't work that way.
"I'm a vegetarian but I'll have the fish": no you're a tool who needs english lessons. And possibly a boot up the arse.

originalmavis · 15/05/2016 13:03

My only problem is that when people who do eat fish, chicken, stock or gelaine say that they are vegetarian bugger it for those of us who are 'proper' veggies. Is rather someone just said 'I don't eat red meat' or 'I'm like a vegetarian but do eat fish'.

So that you go to your bosses house for dinner, tell him that you are veggie and get a seafood lasagne (and serious attitude from his wife who takes offence when she realises that you are eating the salad and bread and sneaking the lasagne onto your husband's plate).

Petal40 · 15/05/2016 13:04

I'm vegan.that is so rude..no vegan eats fish....when I go to someone's house for lunch I take my own food.i don't expect anyone to buy extra for me ,at their expense.....I would be fuming if someone did that to me....I would be saying I spent time and money I didn't have to make you that meal...and now yr eating fish..sooooo rude

JessieMcJessie · 15/05/2016 13:05

To the poster whose fish-eating relative describes himself as vegan because "it's an easy way to say he doesn't eat dairy": how hard is it to say "I don't eat dairy?". Does he have severe problems with his writing and speaking?!

Petal40 · 15/05/2016 13:06

I was vegetarian up until 1 Jan this yr .then went vegan.....but when veggie the amount of people who would assume a veggie eats fish was unbelievable.ffs

bubblegurl252 · 15/05/2016 13:12

SuburbanRhonda
She has a digestion problem, similar to crones but I don't remember the name. She nearly died and now has a compromised immune system for the rest of her life and weekly blood tests.

My friend who has crones is on a stric diet of no veg and no fruit, he has to eat mostly meat

bubblegurl252 · 15/05/2016 13:18

My spelling is appalling this morning so I hope you understand what I'm trying to say lol

SuburbanRhonda · 15/05/2016 13:20

What happens to the rest of the frog?

You really don't want to know.

ppeatfruit · 15/05/2016 13:26

AndTakeYour Words are changing their meanings all the time. You may not approve but it doesn't stop it happening.

SuburbanRhonda · 15/05/2016 13:31

bubble

The NHS Choices website doesn't recommend eliminating particular food groups completely, though some aggravate the condition more than others. It doesn't say anything about fish. But that's for Crohn's.

What I'd probably do is ask the guest. I'd be very surprised if she would want someone who hasn't cooked meat in decades to prepare and cook meat for her, as that could be more of a risk to her health. But if she can only eat meat, absolutely nothing else, I would probably buy something in that just needs heating up in the oven.

I would not do this under any circumstances for someone who just prefers meat. But I don't have anyone that inflexible in my friendship group.

NewToRenting · 15/05/2016 13:39

Haven't read the whole thread, sorry if I'm repeating stuff others have already said.

I kind of understand where some of the confused vegans/ vegetarians are coming from (My DH is a vegetarian but he does eat eggs, dairy and chicken - that too only certain types of chicken dishes).

Your guest maybe just eats salmon (or maybe one or two other types of fish), no other fish, so isn't a proper pescatarian? She probably wouldn't eat a full meal based around fish, but might try the odd bite? Same as the non-veg eaters might ask for a bite out of the vegetarian offerings.

It was a lovely thing you did as a host, to put in the effort. Don't spoil it now!

blitheringbuzzards1234 · 15/05/2016 13:49

It's a bit late now but I'd suggest that every time you bring food to her you say with a very sweet, "here's your specially prepared vegan ... (insert whatever dish)" - at the end of the meal, I would hope that she'd admit that she's "not really a proper vegan" and say sorry too if she's caused any difficulties.

Reply, "no trouble, darling" but never invite her again.

AndTakeYourPenguinWithYou · 15/05/2016 13:51

AndTakeYour Words are changing their meanings all the time. You may not approve but it doesn't stop it happening

Actually they really don't. Almost all words are pretty fixed in meaning. Some evolve over time, sure, but most descriptive words don't change much.
And even if they did, vegetarian and vegan have not.

AndTakeYourPenguinWithYou · 15/05/2016 13:52

(My DH is a vegetarian but he does eat eggs, dairy and chicken - that too only certain types of chicken dishes)

He's not a vegetarian! He's a dope. Chicken is not a sodding vegetable.

originalmavis · 15/05/2016 13:55

He is vegetarian fluid or trans vegetarian.

limitedperiodonly · 15/05/2016 13:57

how hard is it to say "I don't eat dairy?".

I'd say that jessie but some people, including on MN, think eggs are dairy. I think it's because they used to get delivered with the milk.

I realise that particular confusion would be helpful to a vegan, but I can understand circumstances where it's tempting to tell a lie rather than go through a detailed explanation.

AndTakeYourPenguinWithYou · 15/05/2016 13:58

Well then how hard is it to say I don't eat eggs or dairy?

Why do people seem to need a label for everything, even when its completely inaccurate?

SuburbanRhonda · 15/05/2016 13:59

There is no way the term vegetarian, whatever prefix you choose to add to it, could ever include someone who eats chicken.

Really - what's so desirable about the label "vegetarian" that people use it when they are actually omnivores?

Have you seen the kicking vegetarians get on Mumsnet?

SuburbanRhonda · 15/05/2016 14:00

Sorry, mavis, just realised your post was a joke.

Blush
originalmavis · 15/05/2016 14:01

It was only a little one...

Offred · 15/05/2016 14:03

No, she's a child and she isn't stupid. She knows when she is eating stuff that isn't vegetarian. She gets to choose because as a child it is more important that she gets enough of the right nutrients. It is entirely consistent to consider yourself a vegetarian who sometimes eats things that are not vegetarian in full knowledge because what you are primarily concerned with is not eating flesh which is her in the main. She eats Christmas dinner because she wants to check once a year that she still wants to be vegetarian not because she is choosing things she likes.

Your definition of what and what is not vegetarian is simply yours. Being a vegetarian as a child comes secondary to having a healthy diet - she makes a big effort with hers, it requires a lot of eating things she isn't keen on for health reasons which is difficult for a child.

I can't stand this kind of judgemental hierarchy about what other people do.

It wouldn't bother me at all if someone told me they were vegan. What would bother me in the op's case is anyone telling me they couldn't have what I was cooking, me making something else for them specially and then them eating the thing they told me they couldn't have. That's rude whatever the actual food is.

Offred · 15/05/2016 14:05

And that actual definition of a vegetarian is not eating flesh and sometimes not other animal products

SuburbanRhonda · 15/05/2016 14:08

Your definition of what and what is not vegetarian is simply yours

You are 100% wrong there.

You're right, she's a child, so you should be educating her to know she doesn't have to label herself and she can eats whatever she likes.

What is your objection to her saying "I don't eat meat or fish", as (leaving aside the Christmas dinner thing) that is an accurate description of her diet?

AndTakeYourPenguinWithYou · 15/05/2016 14:08

It is entirely consistent to consider yourself a vegetarian who sometimes eats things that are not vegetarian

It is not.

Your definition of what and what is not vegetarian is simply yours

It's not. It's the dictionary definition. It's the english languages definition. It just IS.

Being a vegetarian as a child comes secondary to having a healthy diet

Absolutely agree.

I can't stand this kind of judgemental hierarchy about what other people do

Couldn't care less what other people eat. No judgement at all. I'm caring about the words used and the language. You can eat whatever way you want, you can't use words however you want.

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