Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - vegan dinner party guest EATING FISH

709 replies

isitginoclock · 13/05/2016 20:06

We're throwing a dinner party. I've just excused myself to the loo to write this because I'm FUMING!! One of our guests has recently become a vegan. I spent bloody ages making her a mushroom pate for starter which she happily tucked into whilst we ate our salmon tartare. She then asked if she could try some salmon.

Wtf?!?!

I've bought loads of different stuff for her to eat and spent all frigging day cooking it. Why do I bother?!

OP posts:
SuburbanRhonda · 15/05/2016 11:57

Wow that's hilarious, forking!

And it hasn't been said once on this thread.

Oh, wait ....

JerryFerry · 15/05/2016 11:57

i disagree with just about everyone. I think the host was deeply unpleasant to her guest. How nasty to engage the other guests in a back stabbing session. Ugh

glassgarden · 15/05/2016 11:59

The cow will have suffered more during its life and probably has a greater capacity for suffering due to a more complex brain

SuburbanRhonda · 15/05/2016 12:01

There are quite a few of us who think the OP's behaviour towards her guest was unacceptable. But as I'm sure you've read, there are some posters who think the OP was entirely justified.

OP hasn't been back to defend her actions, so I'd guess she's a bit ashamed of her behaviour too.

SuburbanRhonda · 15/05/2016 12:03

I expect you're right, glass.

As I say, I wouldn't eat either so it's academic which suffers more pain.

glassgarden · 15/05/2016 12:13

I don't eat creatures either
No doubt the fact that some humans don't eat them is also academic to the factory farmed cow and the suffocating fish

SoupDragon · 15/05/2016 12:17

The cow will have suffered more during its life and probably has a greater capacity for suffering due to a more complex brain

And yet both are still dead.

Offred · 15/05/2016 12:18

My DD is vegetarian. She does have Christmas dinner at Christmas and she eats jelly and cheese with rennet and sweets/puddings with gelatine. She tried to have some chicken a few weeks ago but didn't manage as she felt awful eating flesh.

She's 9, she has been a veggie for four years by her own choice and because she loves animals and thinks it's wrong to eat them.

I think it's pretty harsh to say she therefore isn't a vegetarian because she is a child. Children are a bit inconsistent and are learning about the world. I think it's not healthy to be too restrictive about children's diets, I support her vegetarian diet choices but I'm not going to criticise her for trying things out that go against her ethical choices when she is only 9.

obviouslymarvellous · 15/05/2016 12:27

I never get vegetarians that buy veggie sausage / veggie burgers etc if you want a burger have a bloody burger and be done with it Wink I have veggies in my family that make a big fuss when having Sunday roast but will happily tuck into gravy (made with meat juices etc) gets on my nerves! They also wear nothing but leather shoes and buy expensive leather bags.

AbelMancwitch · 15/05/2016 12:27

For an ethical vegan/vegetarian, eating fish isn't really a lesser evil:

3/4 of the world’s fisheries are exploited or depleted.

We could see fishless oceans by 2048.

90-100 million tons of fish are pulled from our oceans each year.

For every 1 pound of fish caught, up to 5 pounds of unintended marine species are caught and discarded.

As many as 40% (63 billion pounds) of fish caught globally every year are discarded.

Scientists estimate as many as 650,000 whales, dolphins and seals are killed every year by fishing vessels.

40-50 million sharks killed in fishing lines and nets.

SuburbanRhonda · 15/05/2016 12:27

I'm on your side, glass in case you hadn't noticed!

What I meant was that to me they suffer equally because they both feel pain. Not that I don't care.

SuburbanRhonda · 15/05/2016 12:29

But vegetarian burgers are burgers, obviously. Confused

SuburbanRhonda · 15/05/2016 12:32

offred, if your DD has made an ethical choice not to eat meat and fish, why not say she doesn't eat meat or fish? She's sounds smart - surely she'd prefer to describe her choices more accurately?

Then when she's older and doesn't want to eat jelly etc any more, she can say she's vegetarian.

SuburbanRhonda · 15/05/2016 12:33

abel

Sad
Legendofthephoenix · 15/05/2016 12:33

People take a lot of pride in cooking food. Some people take offence very quickly. Watch come dine with me the guests are feeding the dog or spitting food in a tissue and throwing it in their bag. You don't wether the op has animals. Cats are the worst all they have to do is jump up and lick. Maybe her vegan guest saw that the only option she had without offending op was to eat the fish. [laughing]

AndTakeYourPenguinWithYou · 15/05/2016 12:34

*My DD is vegetarian. She does have Christmas dinner at Christmas and she eats jelly and cheese with rennet and sweets/puddings with gelatine. She tried to have some chicken a few weeks ago but didn't manage as she felt awful eating flesh.

She's 9, she has been a veggie for four years by her own choice and because she loves animals and thinks it's wrong to eat them*

It isn't that she isn't a vegetarian because she is a child, but because she is not a vegetarian. She consumes animal products, so she isn't. Age is immaterial. She thinks its wrong to eat animals except in the forms that she likes them: cheese and sweets and christmas dinner.

And thats ok, because shes's a child, and as you say they are inconsistent and still learning. You should support that learning by letting her know she is not a vegetarian. You're teaching her inconsitency and false beliefs.

cherrybath · 15/05/2016 12:35

I remember a child starting at our primary school who was vegan and very tiny and underweight. Turned out her mother had no idea of how to balance her vegan diet properly and she more or less lived on fruit and salad with no protein. The school did provide large vegan lunches for her and she gradually put on weight and started to grow.
Also remember having a friend over for a meal who brought his girlfriend who didn't tell us she was a veggie until she arrived. Did what I could to feed her and the next time she came round I'd cooked a lovely veggie meal for everybody. She then announced that she was vegan, not veggie. (Actually much of the meal would have been suitable for a vegan in any case). The rest of us enjoyed it but she did not eat anything at all... Have always suspected she had an eating disorder and just wanted an excuse not to eat under at all.

SuburbanRhonda · 15/05/2016 12:39

I remember a child starting at our primary school who was vegan and very tiny and underweight. Turned out her mother had no idea of how to balance her vegan diet properly and she more or less lived on fruit and salad with no protein.

Not feeding your children properly is not exclusive to vegans. I work in a primary school in a deprived area - you wouldn't believe what some children bring in their lunch boxes, supposedly from omnivorous households.

curluponthesofa · 15/05/2016 12:42

A lot of very judgemental comments on here about vegans and vegetarians. Ok let's turn the tables:

How about meat eaters who will eat sausages but turn their nose up at offal? Or are happy to eat cows but not rabbits/pigeons/deer? Or eat white meat but not red? Or can't stand meat with blood in it? Or a friend of mine who will only have a turkey crown rather than a whole turkey at Christmas because she can't stand the sight of the bones? Or laugh at the French for eating snails and frogs? Or express horror at countries where people eat dogs? I have heard many meat eaters say these things and you could say that's all pretty hypocritical as well. Surely if you are a meat eater you should eat any animal and every single part of it too. But I wouldn't expect anyone to do that, or judge them on it.

I am a pescatarian. I have been called a 'hypocritical vegetarian'. I prefer to call myself 'pragmatic'. Ideally one day I would like to be vegan, but that is a massive leap and not practical at the moment, so this is where I am right now. I don't judge others and would prefer not to be judged. Surely we should support eat other rather bitching?

Like others have said, we are all just trying to do our best with our moral/health food choices, and even if you can't get it right all the time at least you are trying.

Alisvolatpropiis · 15/05/2016 12:43

I don't know any vegans who have children but one of the vegans I do know would be more than able to feed a child properly. The food he cooks is amazing.

My omnivorous cousin who seems to think fruit and veg is poison, on the other hand...

originalmavis · 15/05/2016 12:45

In veggie but DS eats anything - however he balks at rabbit or duck. I threaten him with dog, horse or guinea pig.

AndTakeYourPenguinWithYou · 15/05/2016 12:46

Surely if you are a meat eater you should eat any animal and every single part of it too

Why should you? And unless you claim to do so and then don't, its neither hypocritical not analogous to a person claiming to be a vegan eating fish. Nice try but FAIL.

SuburbanRhonda · 15/05/2016 12:49

I wouldn't blame anyone for not eating frogs. The way they are prepared for the restaurant trade is cruel and disgusting.

originalmavis · 15/05/2016 12:52

What happens to the rest of the frog?

curluponthesofa · 15/05/2016 12:53

Also the idea of a dinner party where guests are bitched about afterwards for their food choices? Hmm If that had been a friend of mine we'd have had a laugh together about it.
But then I am not too bothered about different diets, it's not that difficult to cater for, lots of different dishes in the middle of the table usually works. In my extended family we have Paleo, vegan, vegetarian, pescatarian, omnivores. We always do a big meal when we all get together a few times a year, its a challenge but the meals are never boring!

Swipe left for the next trending thread