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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why do parents allow children to bring own toys to toddler group?

40 replies

NeedACleverNN · 13/05/2016 11:59

I'm not talking about comfort toys but ones that they have just brought with them.

I love going to toddler groups because it encourages children to share and it gives me a chance to watch my dc interact with others.

However occasionally you get one child who brings in this shiny new toy and ww3 erupts.

The child whose toy belongs to get upset because all the children are crowding them and the other children are getting upset because they want to play with a toy that they can't. Trying to explain that all the toys in the hall are for you to play with except that one is difficult because they don't understand.

AIBU to think that own toys should be left at home?

OP posts:
FamousSeamus · 13/05/2016 12:03

Honestly, OP, what's so mysterious about the child in question being so enamoured of his shiny new toy that it's easier simply to bring along Buzz Lightyear or the Paw Patroller than have WWIII erupt on the doorstep as the Proud New Owner realises he's being taken off to play with the crummy village hall toys and has to leave the apple of his eye at home?

SaucyJack · 13/05/2016 12:06

Pfft.

To my knowledge, no child has ever died from being told to leave something alone because it isn't theirs.

It's all a learning experience innit.

Stardust160 · 13/05/2016 12:07

Yabu Some children have a comforter others it's a blanket and for some a favourite toy. My toddler loves her brothers dinosaur, before it was her new doll and before than a teddy penguin called Percival. My son had a teddy he carried around blue bear. Both children adored them and took them everywhere.

They are toddlers at the end of the day. I really don't see the harm of it. It's also Part of their development process for toddlers

  1. they will learn to share which is something they begin to develop at this age 2) they explore playing together with toys role play etc
  2. they have to realise they don't have access to all toys and if someone happens to bring something from home they have to ask to play with it. It's totally normal

What do you think happens at nursery with show and tell?

Original poster
NeedACleverNN · 13/05/2016 12:10

You are right but it's frustrating to have to keep hearing a child cry because another one is looking at him for playing with his toy

OP posts:
AliceInUnderpants · 13/05/2016 12:11

Going to toddler groups also is a good way to teach your child that they can't have everything they want.

NoSpamPam · 13/05/2016 12:13

Uabu
Ur child will want whatever the fuckers always find something to moan about the mum probably wanted just to get out of the house and to the group in peace and probably couldn't Separate him from the new toy

TipBoov · 13/05/2016 12:16

But surely you wouldn't let your child take any toy away from a child that was already playing with it?

Original poster
NeedACleverNN · 13/05/2016 12:18

Course I wouldn't. I don't tolerate snatching

OP posts:
Cakescakescakes · 13/05/2016 12:18

I run a toddler group (and have two kids) and this issue is a real pain. Last week a kid brought his own bike. And wanted to ride it round the hall but none of the other kids were allowed to touch it. In the end his mum took him home as he was so hysterical about not sharing it. I think it should have stayed at home.

BeYourselfUnlessUCanBeAUnicorn · 13/05/2016 12:20

YANBU, it's common sense to know that other children are going to want it, naturally your child will not want to share their favourite/new toy so it's going to cause problems. Nothing wrong with saying "no, that's a toy for home so we will leave it here/in the car," mine used to ask to take toys and I never let them. Nothing to do with children learning they can't have everything they want!

SaucyJack · 13/05/2016 12:21

"the fuckers always find something to moan about"

Hahahaha!

This with bells on.

I quite like it when other toddlers refuse to share with my two-foot dictator. It does her no end of good in the long run to realise the entire world does not revolve around her.

SaucyJack · 13/05/2016 12:24

But presumably that was just a good a learning experience for the boy in question as for everyone else cakes?

I guess you're either the slightly sadistic type who doesn't care if little Cuthbert or Cecily gets their own way all the time, or you are not.

I am clearly the former.

Original poster
NeedACleverNN · 13/05/2016 12:28

My children certainly don't get their own way all the time but at the same time I encourage sharing as much as possible

OP posts:
MLGs · 13/05/2016 12:28

I too love the fuckers always find something to moan about

gandalf456 · 13/05/2016 12:32

Yes, this used to annoy me, too. They'll soon forget about said toy once they arrive at the toddler group. It's a headache for the mum with the child with the toy and it's a headache for everyone else with a child there, trying to get their child not to touch the toy. In the end, it used to piss me off so much, I'd stop trying to get DS to stop going up to the toy so that both parent and child would learn not to bring it.

The other thing that used to annoy me was this singing session I used to go to. It was only 30 mins and the parents used to bring practically a whole picnic and my child would make a beeline for it every time and so I'd have to spend half an hour saying 'that's not yours' because they could not not feed their child for half an hour. Then the parents would give daggers to me and my child for being too young to know. Some as the thing above, really. They'd always look as it were your fault.

Jw35 · 13/05/2016 12:34

I go to at least 3 toddler groups a week with my 16 month old and so far never come across this issue!
I just wanted to point out though that these places don't teach toddlers to share! Sharing is not something which happens in a toddler until at least 3 years old when they start to play with other children rather than alongside them. You can insist on sharing of course but they don't understand the lessons until later. I suppose my point is, it wouldn't matter what another child was playing with, if another child wants it they will make a fuss! Personally I wouldn't bring toys from home because the point in going out is to play with things and do things we don't do at home! Also I can't imagine bringing a toy and my dd wanting to share it so I wouldn't bother.

TiredOfSleep · 13/05/2016 12:34

Yanbu op. Even if it's easier to bring the shiny new toy along to get a foot out the door, you know ww3 will erupt once you get there so in the long run its better for everyone if you just deal with the aggro at the start.

yumyumpoppycat · 13/05/2016 12:34

YABU if its a small toy and tbh they are risking their own toy getting lost with all the shared toys, but own bike being ridden around a hall at playgroup is obviously a bit bonkers. Working your way around the minefield of sharing is a big part of learning.

longdiling · 13/05/2016 12:35

I'm on the fence with this one. I see what you mean op and I always told my kids if they took it to playgroup and put it down there then other kids were allowed to play with it. This approach rarely worked and always lead to tantrums though so we left their toys at home which at least led to briefer tantrums. What I find hard is when people bring their own food. We're waiting for the healthy snack time and another child is sat with a pack of quavers and a fruit shoot. Tears and tantrums from at least one other child ensue. Playgroup is full of these tricky scenarios I find.

Jw35 · 13/05/2016 12:36

Gandalf parents bring lunch for their toddlers because they can't wait until they get home! I do it because dd will all asleep in the buggy on the way home and miss lunch, also because biscuits and fruit ruin her appetite as often snack time is around 11am! I wouldn't give your child daggers though, I'm more laid back! Grin

Original poster
NeedACleverNN · 13/05/2016 12:38

Sharing is not something which happens in a toddler until at least 3 years old when they start to play with other children rather than alongside them.

Funnily enough my dd was excellent at sharing at the age of 2. Really gentle and would share toys lovely, especially with her brother.

Now at 3 she's terrible. Refuses to share, unless it's the only way of playing with a toy another child has got

OP posts:
Kenduskeag · 13/05/2016 12:39

The point is if it's a nursery toy you can encourage turn-taking like "You can play with it later" or "He'll be done with it soon" or "You've had that long enough, let someone else have a go."

If a kid's holding something special 'from home', then you have to start teaching "Oh, wait, not that toy. Just leave that kid alone" or "You can play with all the toys, but not that one" and "Yes, well I'm sure little Timmy would have had much more fun playing with the group toys than he did shrieking in a corner clutching Darth Vader and roaring at anyone who came too close..."

Kids have started bringing in their own toys to my kids' nursery. What this means is grumpy parents angry the toy 'got dirty', grumpy kids who enjoyed playing with all kinds of things but now get into squabbles when one is insisting "You can't have THIS, it's MINE from HOME" and, even better, kids coming home and nagging their parents to take stuff in themselves (obviously, answer's no).

gandalf456 · 13/05/2016 12:40

My DD was brilliant and still is. DS was awful. He is better now at 7 but still not as good as DD. Mind you, I have the other problem with her being too generous and her friends ttaking advantage.

toomuchtooold · 13/05/2016 12:44

Sharing is not something which happens in a toddler until at least 3 years old when they start to play with other children rather than alongside them.

This. And I wondered if my kids, being twins, might be a bit different - they were, but only in that at the age of 21 months they were extremely sneaky - they'd follow around the kid who had the desired ride-on/baby buggy till once his attention would waver, his arse/hand would leave the toy, and they'd silently swoop in, take it and walk quickly halfway up the hall. By the time the kid noticed they'd be long gone and as they were all more or less preverbal they'd get away with it. I intervened sometimes but tbh life with 2 21 month olds is so knackering that sometimes I just turned a blind eye and let someone else deal with the kicking off toddler for once. Sorry everyone!

drivingmisspotty · 13/05/2016 12:46

I think YANBU. Yes, it's not the end of the world and is a learning point if kids bring toys from home but so much simpler for everyone if all the toys at playgroup are 'for sharing' and special toys are left at home.