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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that an 8 year old is far too young to be responsible for two 4 year olds and an 8 year old in an unsecured park.

200 replies

Aeroflotgirl · 12/05/2016 19:52

I went to the park with my ds 4, to the park at about 7 pm, there I spotted a man with a bunch of kids, and thought some were with him. After a while he left the park with his ds, it transpired from the kids telling me voluntarily that the oldest child who was 8 was in charge of a bunch of very young children, which I feel is totally wrong, and irresponsible of the parents of these kids. I left at 7.30 and the kids were still playing. The 4 year old described where he lived, it was not near.

Surely this is not safe and fair on this 8 year old.

OP posts:
SuburbanRhonda · 13/05/2016 19:36

nana, you are a retired SW, so surely you know that it is everyone's responsibility to report concerns about a child's welfare?

Do you think it's ever likely that in this situation a police officer would say, "Well the children didn't come to any harm on this occasion so please don't waste police time in future and keep your concerns to yourself?"

future, if you don't believe any of the countless posters on here who are telling you it is a concern, please phone the NSPCC and ask them what they would recommend. If they say it's perfectly fine, do report back.

WhoAteAllThePies · 13/05/2016 19:42

Most adults struggle with that age range. I wouldn't have left and would have called the police.

WhoAteAllThePies · 13/05/2016 19:44

Hmm times change.........I grew up in the 50s and we were out all the time, and my parents were over protective, but my sisters and I and friends roamed wherever..........my kids grew up in the 70s and 80s. The 70s - kids still walked to school on their own (I mean primary) and played out, riding their bikes in the park till 8 in the summer - things a bit tightened up in the 70s but still kids playing out and calling for friends.

yes, and because there millions fewer cars in the 50s and exactly because there were other children around you could roam freely. There are also would have been more adults walking around.. this is different and it's not safe.

NicknameUsed · 13/05/2016 19:44

Nana I think people are more aware of the risks these days. Whether you like it or not, it is the 21st century, not the 1950s. I agree with the OP that those children should not have been unsupervised.

MissClarke86 · 13/05/2016 19:50

An 8 year old on the park might not be unreasonable, but an UNSUPERVISED 2 YEAR OLD is absolutely ridiculous! Another child being around is NOT supervision. I can't believe the people that are saying that this is an acceptable occurrence.

houseeveryweekend · 13/05/2016 19:59

well I think it really depends on where the park is! A busy city park then yes that's too young but if you live in a small village then id say it was ok. There are loads of kids all the time who are alone and fairly young in our local park but then its a very rural area with very low crime rates.

WriteforFun1 · 13/05/2016 20:02

so most posters are thinking of crime rather than accident or sudden illness? I find that surprising. What is the poor 8 year old to do if a 2 year old suddenly gets ill?

Thatrabbittrickedme · 13/05/2016 20:06

There are no circumstances where I would think it acceptable to impose the responsibility of caring for 3 younger children on an 8 year old, or for children of these age ranges to be out alone at that time of night. I would have called 101, or offered to walk the children home myself. Flabbergasted by some of the posts on this thread, and sincerely hoping some of the pp above are not responsible for any primary school aged children.

That said, I googled the law on leaving children alone, and it is astonishingly woolly, dependent really on parents making good choices, which in this case manifestly isn't a great defence against neglect. www.nspcc.org.uk/preventing-abuse/keeping-children-safe/leaving-child-home-alone

SuburbanRhonda · 13/05/2016 20:15

Leaving children home alone is a very different situation from leaving them in an open public space with no adult.

smokeybandit · 13/05/2016 20:26

Young children (8 qualifies) should definitely not be left out in public looking after younger children. I once came across a 5 year old in the park on the way to school when it was snowing, standing on her own. Got my dd to ask her who she was with as nobody was in sight and she said her brother who was 8 was taking her to school but she couldn't find him. I decided (rightly or wrongly) after having a look around for him, to take her to school with us (same school as dd so she knew of her at least a little) as it was 2minutes from park. Receptionist called through to brothers class and he was there! Hadn't said a word to anyone and just left her alone in the park in the snow. Most 8yr old cannot hold that kind of responsibility and I don't personally think it's good parenting to allow them to.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 13/05/2016 20:52

Tbh Nina I'm glad you're retired with that attitude.

Original poster
Aeroflotgirl · 13/05/2016 21:03

That is Shock smokey hope the parent was handed their arse on a plate for that stunt. Yes the SW is currently working within this time and recent safeguarding guidelines, not from the 1950's/60's so tgat is probably current protocol! I totally agree Paul, what it boils down to, whatever tge park, is that a young child, was responsible for 2 preschoolers and a toddler! Totally unacceptable.

OP posts:
Butters1978 · 13/05/2016 21:19

No child of 8 should be looking after younger children esp at 7pm in a park that is asking for trouble 😁

wickedlazy · 13/05/2016 21:28

No one has mentioned, what happens if something happened to the 8 year old? They fall off the climbing frame and get knocked unconcious? Will the 4 year olds look after the 2 year old? Hmm

"Now, well we have a social worker making a ridiculous statement" Sorry but I think YOU are the riddiculous one. This is not the 70's where your neighbour could put his hand up your skirt as often as he liked because you were locked out for x hours a day, and no one cared what you got up to in those x hours a day.

NanaNina · 13/05/2016 21:52

paulanka don't worry there are still dozens (if not hundreds) of social workers still in employment who would share my view.

To those who tell me it's not the 50s of course I know the difference - I was simply trying to illustrate the way that things have changed and traffic is a big difference. However "stranger danger" has actually not increased since the 1950s but it's a great fear for parents, and if I was a young mother now I'd probably feel the same.

wickedlazy
This is not the 70's where your neighbour could put his hand up your skirt as often as he liked because you were locked out for x hours a day, and no one cared what you got up to in those x hours a day.

I have to say I found your post bizarre and offensive. My younger son grew up in the 70s and was never locked out of the house, and I always knew where he was, and neither was I as a child in the 50s. In fact most women in the 50s stayed at home while the man went out to work.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 13/05/2016 22:20

Nina your attitude is awful. I truly hope there are only dozens of ssocial workers left who hold your view and that they are weeded out soon. People who think it's acceptable for an eight year old to supervise toddlers and preschoolers in a public park, away from home, late in the evening, have to no place making decisions on the welfare of children.

PurpleRainDiamondsandPearls · 13/05/2016 22:54

It's probably best not to base your parenting on "how much can I get away with until social services get involved". They are overworked, underfunded and IMO, the legal threshold is too high. You won't get a social worker involved until your child/ren is at risk of or has experienced significant harm. I don't know about you, but I'd prefer mine weren't at risk of harm at all where it can be prevented. Some risks are important risks e.g. crossing the road to get to school. Some just aren't worth it.

I think some of you are looked at the fifties and sixties with rose tinted glasses. It wasn't all happy kids kicking a ball about with their friends. Child abuse and exploitation of women went ignored. Domestic violence was rife but not properly recognised in the criminal justice system and rape was legal in marriage.

NanaNina All social workers need to accept change. I'm surprised someone with your experience doesn't realise that the world changes constantly. That's to say nothing of the rolling changes within the local authorise themselves. Departments have undergone regular restructures for decades now, as have laws, policies and procedures.

SuburbanRhonda · 13/05/2016 23:03

don't worry there are still dozens (if not hundreds) of social workers still in employment who would share my view.

It's hard to believe you were a social worker, to be frank. The advice has never been for members of the public to use their own childhood experiences as a point of reference for whether to report a concern. The advice these days is to pass it on - someone else will make the decision whether concern a justified so you don't have to.

PrinceHansOfTheTescoAisles · 13/05/2016 23:05

For pps who asked how likely an emergency would be...well, I think an accident is really quite likely. Have any of you been to a park with a 2 year old recently? They're good at climbing, fast and have no sense of danger...they fall off stuff all the time. It's unlikely to be a broken limb, but I wouldn't expect an 8 yo to have to deal with scraped knees and banged heads tbh.

wickedlazy · 14/05/2016 01:31

"I have to say I found your post bizarre and offensive." This actually happened to a relative of mine. So sorry that you find the retelling of neglect and abuse of someone very close to me offensive Hmm

"paulanka don't worry there are still dozens (if not hundreds) of social workers still in employment who would share my view."

^Hopefully this is a load of shite.

wickedlazy · 14/05/2016 01:38

"My younger son grew up in the 70s and was never locked out of the house, and I always knew where he was, and neither was I as a child in the 50s."

Good for you, who was not neglected or neglectful, but you are aware some people still send their kids out to play for hours and lock the door behind them? And don't bother to ever ask what they got up to/cut them off when they try to tell them? I've seen this, kids begging through letter box to be let in to use the loo etc.

6o6o842 · 14/05/2016 06:31

We live in a village, I have two 9 year olds and I'd never leave them in charge of my 3 year old at the park across the road from home, let alone at a park some distance from home. It's so unfair to burden a child with that responsibility.

Natsku · 14/05/2016 06:48

Left my five year old at the park yesterday while I went home to get her sandals. The other mum there didn't bat an eyelid. There were also two eight year olds there alone for ages.

Original poster
Aeroflotgirl · 14/05/2016 08:15

Natsku did yiu ask the mum to watch your dd, whilst you go home to get her sandals, or did you assume that she would keep an eye on her! What if the mum left the park leaving your 5 year old alone! Not something most of us would do, thank goodness, there is plenty time to teach kids independence.

OP posts:
bellybuttonfairy · 14/05/2016 08:55

I'd struggle with two 4 year olds and a 2 year old in a park on my own!

I'm usually give my children quite a bit of independence but I'd be uncomfortable seeing the poor 8 year old try to care for these children (or not caring for them so they get neglected). It's sounds like it's out of sight of parents homes too.

Nope - it's not ok.