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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think that an 8 year old is far too young to be responsible for two 4 year olds and an 8 year old in an unsecured park.

200 replies

Aeroflotgirl · 12/05/2016 19:52

I went to the park with my ds 4, to the park at about 7 pm, there I spotted a man with a bunch of kids, and thought some were with him. After a while he left the park with his ds, it transpired from the kids telling me voluntarily that the oldest child who was 8 was in charge of a bunch of very young children, which I feel is totally wrong, and irresponsible of the parents of these kids. I left at 7.30 and the kids were still playing. The 4 year old described where he lived, it was not near.

Surely this is not safe and fair on this 8 year old.

OP posts:
Ameliablue · 12/05/2016 23:05

You may not know much from 30 minutes but how long would you need to watch a 2 year old in a public park with no supervision before you become concerned about their safety.

FutureGadgetsLab · 12/05/2016 23:08

I'd probably talk to the kids and ask them where are their parents before I made any judgements

PaulAnkaTheDog · 12/05/2016 23:09

30 minutes of an eight year old watching a 2 year old and two 4 year olds, in a playpark, in the late evening is bloody neglectful! So from that thirty minutes I would damn well know what to do.

It's actually sad that you'd be so willing to make every excuse under the sun to explain it away, rather than just contact police/Social services to keep them safe and find out their situation.

What a society we live in... It's like a child protection version of The Good Samaritan... Just walk on by.

FutureGadgetsLab · 12/05/2016 23:10

I'm not saying it is definitely down to what I've suggested, I'm saying that we don't know. And until we do, lets reign in calling the police.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 12/05/2016 23:12

Well the original post said that they said there weren't adults with them. So where would be acceptable for them to be? Home? Shops? Pub? Running? Visiting a neighbour?

FutureGadgetsLab · 12/05/2016 23:12

I understand that with child protection, a lot of people want to be proactive and prevent harm. That's an honourable position. But u think there's such a thing as being too heavy handed.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 12/05/2016 23:12

So what would you do then? If you couldn't wait longer?.

FutureGadgetsLab · 12/05/2016 23:14

Paul near me there's a park that's in a field. The field is surrounded by houses. Kids play in the park all the time while their parents are inside. Unsupervised but with parents nearby in case.

How do we know it wasn't like that? They didn't live near but their parents could have been visiting someone?

FutureGadgetsLab · 12/05/2016 23:15

So what would you do then? If you couldn't wait longer?

Probably talk to the kids and ask them where their parents were, and depending on what they say, then I'd call the police.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 12/05/2016 23:15

Jesus. too heavy handed by contacting 101 about four children (toddlers and preschool included) in a park, unsupervised, a distance from home at 7.30pm. No adults been with them for at least thirty minutes previously.

Do you need blood to realise that situations not right?!

FutureGadgetsLab · 12/05/2016 23:17

So why has no one else suggested actually asking the kids themselves instead of just assuming?

PaulAnkaTheDog · 12/05/2016 23:22

The op did talk to them, she's already said that. She also pointed out that the park was surrounded by foliage and not somewhere that kids would usually be on their on in the evening. So clearly not a park surrounded by houses, with people watching the kids. She also said that where they lived (after she asked) was a bit away. (Lack of 'Stranger Danger' there as well).

So, next reason to do nothing?

NicknameUsed · 12/05/2016 23:27

Future why do you find it so difficult to understand why your viewpoint is so wrong? You are clearly in the minority here.

We have a park in our village that is just surrounded by trees and not overlooked by any houses. There is no way I would have let an 8 year old, 2 x 4 year olds and a 2 year old play there without an adult supervising them.

Do you have any children? An 8 year old is simply not mature enough to have this kind of responsibility. What if something unexpected happens? What if someone tries to snatch one of the children?

I don't think the OP over reacted by being concerned. I think it is odd that you think it is ok that these children didn't have an adult with them.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 13/05/2016 00:07

Because 'cool mums' can unfortunately become 'irresponsible mums' Nickname. So hellbent on being 'awesome' they forget common sense.

mummyto2monkeys · 13/05/2016 00:46

I hate this, it's like that close to where my Mum lives. I remember my husband and I driving our ds back to my Mums, after being to out of hours at ten o'clock at night. We were shocked to see a three year old wearing thin pyjamas on hIs own playing on a scooter next to a very busy road. My Mum was with us and asked his name and where his Mummy was. His speech was poor and he was frozen. We wrapped him in my husband's coat and called the police. Luckily the police quickly arrived and they found another boy in another local street who knew where he lived. He was no where near his house. When the police called my Mum later, they told her that the Mother was passed out drunk and turned abusive. It was a week night, and he should have been tucked up safe in bed. I can only thank God that we found him and that it wasn't someone more sinister.

I have watched many cases of neglect growing up, babies in only a heavy nappy running about the grass at the side of a busy main road, his big brother of three had iet them out. My Mum again stopped and picked the baby up, and held the little ones hand whilst a neighbour called the police. Just before the police arrived the drug addict parents realised their children were missing and came out screaming at my Mum accusing her of stealing their babies. Police arrived and took over there too.

The above cases were obvious cases of neglect. However I have also watched as an eight year old girl was handed over her baby sister and four year old brother to watch. The Mum locking the doors on them so that they had no choice but to stay out 'playing'.The poor girl walked the streets with a screaming baby. I remember her shouting through the letter box begging her Mum to let them in as the baby was hungry. Only when I walked up the path to see if I could help, did the Mum open her door. I was then called some very unpleasant names. (I called the nspcc)

I spent a summer with my baby and toddler at my Mums house, due to work being done at home. My ds at 2, couldn't understand why we would not let him play out with the other children. We would happily invite local children into the garden where the play could be supervised. But I would not risk it, not when hypodermic used needles had been found in the walkway next to my parents house. And used condoms were thrown into local gardens. What scared me most is that the family I discussed above, when the Father finished work and returned home was told by his wife that she didnt know where they were. My husband, Dad and brothers haf to help him go door to door looking for the three children at 10pm at night. They eventually found them at the eldest daughters friends house, in another street. The eldest girl being told off for frightening the parents.

We live on a street of bungalows, our children are the only children of their age group in our street. We organise play dates still for dd 6 and ds 8. We would not feel safe letting our children run free the way we would in a small cul de sac full of other families. I certainly wouldn't feel safe handing a two year old and two four year olds for my eight year old to be responsible for.

Canyouforgiveher · 13/05/2016 02:18

this thread is great - thank you so much future.

I'm going to hire an 8 year old (do you think a 7 year old would be cheaper-it is much of a muchness, right?) to mind my children for the summer. huge savings for me and it is all good.

MrsHardy1 · 13/05/2016 02:39

An 8 year old supervising 3 kids for half an hour, in a park? No. Can't think of any explanation that would make this acceptable.

Beeziekn33ze · 13/05/2016 03:08

Mummy22
Thank goodness for people like you and your mother. Far better to act, even at the risk of overreacting, than to do nothing and regret it afterwards.
Several people noticed James Bulger with the boys who took him from his mother, were concerned but did nothing, they'll never forgive themselves.

MadamDeathstare · 13/05/2016 03:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Skittlesss · 13/05/2016 05:42

Speaking from a safeguarding pov this is something that you should definitely report if seen again. I would recommend speaking to your local PCSO/police officer and letting them know. They can target the area whilst on patrol. They may even know who the family are. I used to get reports like this when I was on the beat and often could ID which family you were on about by the ages/genders and number of kids.

Regardless of what excuses previous posters have made, this is unacceptable and does need to be looked at.

my2bundles · 13/05/2016 06:44

I have an 8 year old, I Would never allow him to go to the park alone let alone supervise other children.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 13/05/2016 08:30

Glad to see so many sensible posters!

PurpleRainDiamondsandPearls · 13/05/2016 10:06

What I find odd about your posts Future is that this thread has been measured and strangely calm for MN. Nobody is saying the parents are awful and abusive. What we are saying is that this is unsafe and risky, leaving the parents vulnerable to accusations if something did go wrong. Perhaps they're good parents who made a bad judgement call or perhaps this is part of the bigger picture. After every single high profile child abuse case, people came forward with small snippets of information which, on their own, don't mean much. Put together, however, it makes for grim reading. Why take a chance? If the parents are good parents who misjudged the risk, then they'll move on.

Aeroflotgirl · 13/05/2016 11:48

Well I saw dd SW today and told him about the situation, he agreed that it was unacceptable for an 8 year old to be with those children and that next time I should call the Police if I encounter similar situation.

OP posts:
Blimmincheek · 13/05/2016 11:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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