Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that an 8 year old is far too young to be responsible for two 4 year olds and an 8 year old in an unsecured park.

200 replies

Aeroflotgirl · 12/05/2016 19:52

I went to the park with my ds 4, to the park at about 7 pm, there I spotted a man with a bunch of kids, and thought some were with him. After a while he left the park with his ds, it transpired from the kids telling me voluntarily that the oldest child who was 8 was in charge of a bunch of very young children, which I feel is totally wrong, and irresponsible of the parents of these kids. I left at 7.30 and the kids were still playing. The 4 year old described where he lived, it was not near.

Surely this is not safe and fair on this 8 year old.

OP posts:
FutureGadgetsLab · 12/05/2016 21:17

I'm not being goady. I haven't insulted anyone or been rude. I just think this is an overreaction, I think parents today worry too much. That's all.

Blimmincheek · 12/05/2016 21:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EllsTeeth · 12/05/2016 21:29

Jesus I'm even on edge in an unsecured park area with my 4 and 2 year old boys - watching them both at the same time is quite a mission! Absolutely no way on earth is it ok for an 8 year old to be in charge of 2 4 year olds and a 2 year old completely out of sight of a responsible adult. Absolutely not on! I can't believe anyone thinks that's ok?!

PaulAnkaTheDog · 12/05/2016 21:34

Bloody hell Gadget. If you take this as an example of your attitude to your every day parenting then that's actually worrying.

'Let's leave the eight year old to supervise the kids while we go to the pub for 30 minutes.' You realise your attitude isn't far off that? You actually think an eight year old is capable of looking after three young children (that includes toddlers).

No words actually.

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 12/05/2016 21:37

There are no cars in the park, but surely the park is surrounded by roads which the children would have to cross to get home. I was born in the early 60s and times were lax, but my parents wouldn't have left me in charge of my little brother in a park in the evening. We were home by teatime and if we went out to play after that it was just in the street by the house with the other local children. It would have raised eyebrows even then to send a little one off in charge of tiny kids a long way from home.

Original poster
Aeroflotgirl · 12/05/2016 21:39

I agree, there are three very young unpredictable children she is in charge of, that is a huge responsibility for a young child. Any responsible parent would not allow that situation. I don't think there is much I can do right now, but will definitely be bringing this up with dd SW and ask him what is the correct thing I should have done. It did not help, me having my phone at home, so would have had to go home anyway to use it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Aeroflotgirl · 12/05/2016 21:40

yes they would probably have had to cross a small road, from what I gathered from the kids, their home was not directly near the park.

OP posts:
EllsTeeth · 12/05/2016 21:54

And I don't see how them being cousins would make it ok??

Flashbangandgone · 12/05/2016 22:06

I've struggled sometimes with 2 children aged 5 & 2 in a park and I was an adult!... It's not about a catastrophe being likely... Its negligent expecting an 8 yo to be responsible for all the everyday things that happen that could be unpleasant or nasty but the kids survive - the kids could be kicked in the teeth as they run in front of swings... Tread in dog poo and smear it all over playground equipment, run off when someone upsets them, falls off playground equipment and injured themselves... Gadget - you're being utterly irresponsible... The same kind of attitude that comes out with stuff like 'me and my mates played on train tracks back in the 70s... We could always hear the trains coming, and we're all here to tell the tale...so it weren't dangerous really'

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 12/05/2016 22:10

Actually, flashbangandgone, for a lot of people that should read 'me and my mates played on train tracks back in the 70s... We could always hear the trains coming, and we're all here to tell the tale...so it weren't dangerous really ... oh, except for Billy Jones, who got run over by a drunk driver that evening'

Flashbangandgone · 12/05/2016 22:17

Most people survived the Black Death when it passed through their area... I've always though that was exaggerated... As for the 2nd world war, well far more people survived that than died, even in the worst affected countries!... Don't know what all fuss is about.

FutureGadgetsLab · 12/05/2016 22:19

I haven't said any of that either. Hmm

Just that a group of children (young children) in a park alone isn't necessarily a cause for concern. There may be something off, but equally there might not. I don't think you've got enough info to go off, and I can see why certain situations would make the OPs description seem okay.

It's not something I'd do but I can't get worked up about it.

Flashbangandgone · 12/05/2016 22:23

Gadget. The children were 4,4 and 2 years old! With an 8 year old to supervise.... And that's not really a problem to you! Unbelievable!

FutureGadgetsLab · 12/05/2016 22:25

We don't know the situation. Did the eldest have a phone? Were the parents visiting a friend in a nearby house? Were the parents somewhere nearby but not visible?

Of course they could be negligent, but I prefer not to judge people, particularly not after half an hour.

FutureGadgetsLab · 12/05/2016 22:26

It also depends on the children themselves.

On its own I don't think this is neglect, not without knowing the backstory.

PurpleRainDiamondsandPearls · 12/05/2016 22:40

Sometimes it's best not to overthink things and just see them for what they are. This was a very bad idea. When people fall over themselves to be liberal and accepting of different parenting ideals, they forget the most important people in this - the children.

EllsTeeth · 12/05/2016 22:46

How does the eldest having a phone make it ok? You can't take your eyes off a 2 year old, or even a 4 year old for a split second in a public, unsecured place. Even if the parents were visiting in a house nearby how is that ok? Most people I know wouldn't even leave their 4 and 2 year old alone and unsupervised in their back garden for longer than a couple of minutes. At that age they're so unpredictable. I don't see any circumstance where what the OP described is ok!

PaulAnkaTheDog · 12/05/2016 22:48

Gadget your attitude is scary. You would wait for a certain sign of danger before you did anything. An eight year old being in charge of toddlers in a park, far-ish away from their house in the evening doesn't concern you. Fucking mental tbh.

FutureGadgetsLab · 12/05/2016 22:54

I'd rather be sure of what I'm seeing than jump in and some poor bastard gets accused of being a crap parent because I misjudged.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 12/05/2016 22:54

I'm the first to tell people to back off and give kids some freedom, but this:

When people fall over themselves to be liberal and accepting of different parenting ideals, they forget the most important people in this - the children.

This totally applies to you Gadget. I'm sorry but your attitude is just wrong. There is no risk assessment or any other bollocks necessary for an eight year old to be supervising toddlers in a park late in the evening. It shouldn't happen, it's wrong.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 12/05/2016 22:56

Misjudged what? An eight year old supervising three toddlers mid/late evening in a park not close to their houses?! There's really not much to misjudge there. It's just fucking stupidity.

m0therofdragons · 12/05/2016 22:57

I have dd1 8 and dtds 4. Dd1 is fab, mature and really responsible. If I'm in the park chatting to other parents I can completely rely on her to keep an eye on her sisters but I definitely still need to be there for when they fall over - dtds fall over all the time. Last park visit I think Dtd1 lasted a whole 8minutes before grazing her knee. Our nearest park is round 2 corners and you don't have to cross any roads. No idea when I'll let them go alone but certainly not yet. A 2yo too? No way. But having said that the other end of our road is a cul de sac off a cul de sac and those kids all play out and have done from very young ages. They're in front of their houses but kitchens are in the back and they're often not watched. It's not how I parent but I wouldn't say these particular kids are neglected.
With your experience I'm not sure what you can do without names and addresses.

FutureGadgetsLab · 12/05/2016 22:58

As I said we don't know the situation. I'm not one to force my ideas on others, and I don't get involved with other people's business unless there is a definite need to.

I'd be furious if someone assumes I was doing something wrong and accused me of neglect. That said I wouldn't leave my child in a park, but still.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 12/05/2016 23:00

But the situation is neglectful! No other information is necessary! Seriously, stop bending over backwards to find a way to excuse it.

FutureGadgetsLab · 12/05/2016 23:01

It isn't necessarily neglectful. You're looking at it from an extremely black and white viewpoint. Not all kids are the same. Neither are all adults. And you certainly don't know anything from 30 minutes.

Swipe left for the next trending thread