To want Google this man, TEAR his ears off and make him eat them?

[BoccadiLupa]

My lovely DM (64) was left by her husband for another (younger) woman 3 years ago - not my DF, he left when I was tiny. She has taken a real knock to her self-confidence and it has taken real work to get over the 'why does everyone leave me' thing. Recently she signed up to an internet dating site, with one of her friends, I think they signed up after a few glasses of wine.
Anyway. She went on a first date with a man who seemed lovely: they had chatted on the phone, he seemed interesting, cultured everything. On the date, all seemed to be going well until he said to her "Ah, I want you to know, I have never been in a relationship with someone who isn't slim. And I guess that with your shape, even on a diet, you'd struggle to lose weight. You are really big boned, I can see that". He then rang later that evening to say that it wasn't going to work out, because he couldn't find someone her shape attractive and that she 'lacked energy'.
Info: my Mum is a size 18, far from obese and dresses really well for her shape. She is full of energy and does sport, classes, travels etc. She looks great! Anyway, since this date she has been in floods of tears and she confessed to me this morning that she didn't get out of bed at all day yesterday because there was no point and no one was ever going to find her attractive again.
I HATE him. I want to Google him and call him up and say "you IDIOT. Have some MANNERS. Don't tell a woman that she is fat! Find some other reason to refuse a second date if you think she is hideous". And PS Didn't you see her profile photo (which is a full length shot of her).
WTF is wrong with people?
AIBU?

[TheAnswerIsYes]

I agree with everyone that has already posted to say that this man is an awful person and not worth spending more time thinking about. However, I wouldn't be surprised if he gets in touch again. He might have been testing your mother out to make her vulnerable and easy to control.

[Woopsiedaisy]

Bocca your Mum sounds lovely and I am sad that she has had such a negative experience.

I am only slightly younger than your Mum but was widowed 10 years ago. After a few years and wishing that I was still part of a couple, I tried the OLD roure and had some truly dreadful experiences. Even though I am 10st and a size 12 I was repeatedly told I was too fat, too short, too tall, too independent, you name it, it was said.

The final insult came from a guy who bored me witless during one evening with the details of the 17k he was about to spend having his rotten teeth veneered and then wrote to me before I got home suggesting that my teeth (all my own and not rotten) could also benefit from veneering.

Eventually I realsed that the majority of men OLD in their 60's are men born in the 50's with outdated attitudes and views of what Women today want from a partner. Moreover they have mostly been rejected by at least one intelligent woman and have rarely learned any lessons from that or got over their bitterness.

I haven't bothered OLD for years now. I have a fab life, doing what I want, when I want and with whom I choose. I belong to some really good Meetup groups (www.Meetup.com) and have great fun with the people I meet there. Sometimes I get asked on a date by someone else in the group, but mostly we are just great friends getting out and having fun together.

If I was your Mum, having had the experience she had three years ago, I might be questioning very hard whether she really is looking for another permanant partner and whether OLD is the only route. It is worth investigating the other social avenues in her area through organisations like Meetup. Who knows she might end up with some fabulous new girlfriends that way and one day might just run into 'the one'

[Zaurak]

Your mum sounds like a real catch. I hope she meets someone worthy of her.

Would you mind telling your mum about my theory why OLD is such an odd thing?

The problem with OLD is that it misses out the first line of filtering. Think about it - if you were physically in a room with a load of people (let's say at a work conference or something) you automatically judge/filter based on things you're probably not even aware of. Little things like tone of voice etc. In that situation, she'd probably never of given this guy a chance because he'd have been giving off bad vibes of some kind.
Now think about online dating. You're again in a situation with lots of people but you're hampered by not being able to see or hear them. So you pick someone (and almost anyone can be charming via web) and you go on a date and then when they're an asshole you think 'what's wrong with me? Why didn't I see that coming? It must be me!'
But it isn't, of course. Your mum just never had a chance to pre screen with her predator/Asshole radar.

Old can work, but I think she needs to treat every first date or two not as a date but as her checking them out for shit like this

Good luck.

[Capricorn76]

He sounds like a Pick Up Artist (PUA). They believe that the best way to get a woman is to put her down and treat her badly as apparently women love it and it keeps the man in control. I've read that they have seminars about it. They are very active online.

[Arkhamasylum]

How fucking rude!!! When I rule the universe, I will compel people like this to have the word 'oaf' tattooed on their foreheads.

Your mum sounds lovely, OP.

This man sounds unhinged. Oaf.

[BoccadiLupa]

Zaurak I will. In this case I think she was pretty shocked because she had spoken to him on the phone a few times before they agreed to meet up.

She has SWORN to me that if he ever contacts her again she will absolutely not speak to him.

[geekymommy]

Your mum went on a date with Donald Trump?

[WhatchaMaCalllit]

LOL @ geekymommy

Fantastic update OP & Op's mum!

[Shallowstreams]

Maybe he gets off on this kind of thing. It's really not normal behaviour is it - even if you thought it you wouldn't say it. I'd wager he gets kicks from it

[AerithEarling]

He is just a nasty person, those comments were just unnecessary.
I say she dodged a bullet.

[Tanith]

Oh dear
Am I many years out of date?

[EverySongbirdSays]

About 50 Tanith but it gave me a good chuckle