To want Google this man, TEAR his ears off and make him eat them?

[BoccadiLupa]

My lovely DM (64) was left by her husband for another (younger) woman 3 years ago - not my DF, he left when I was tiny. She has taken a real knock to her self-confidence and it has taken real work to get over the 'why does everyone leave me' thing. Recently she signed up to an internet dating site, with one of her friends, I think they signed up after a few glasses of wine.
Anyway. She went on a first date with a man who seemed lovely: they had chatted on the phone, he seemed interesting, cultured everything. On the date, all seemed to be going well until he said to her "Ah, I want you to know, I have never been in a relationship with someone who isn't slim. And I guess that with your shape, even on a diet, you'd struggle to lose weight. You are really big boned, I can see that". He then rang later that evening to say that it wasn't going to work out, because he couldn't find someone her shape attractive and that she 'lacked energy'.
Info: my Mum is a size 18, far from obese and dresses really well for her shape. She is full of energy and does sport, classes, travels etc. She looks great! Anyway, since this date she has been in floods of tears and she confessed to me this morning that she didn't get out of bed at all day yesterday because there was no point and no one was ever going to find her attractive again.
I HATE him. I want to Google him and call him up and say "you IDIOT. Have some MANNERS. Don't tell a woman that she is fat! Find some other reason to refuse a second date if you think she is hideous". And PS Didn't you see her profile photo (which is a full length shot of her).
WTF is wrong with people?
AIBU?

[BuunyChops]

One prick in particular said. " He only arranged a date to knock her down a peg or two.

Yeap..............

He was deluded enough to think his honesty was 'admirable'. . .

[InternationalHouseofToast]

Focus on your mum rather than wasting energy on him. At least he was "honest" after a first date, rather than stringing her along for a few months until someone slimmer came along.

[CooeeOnlyMe]

OP this guy was clearly a prick, but there are some nice blokes out there. My mum is divorced, has done OLD for a while and met some lovely chaps. Some pilliocks too, unfortunately but not too many. Then two years ago she met the love of her life online. She is 68, he is 80, and they are like love struck teenagers. They are having the time of their lives together. It is wonderful to see. So don't let her be put off by this twat!

[glassgarden]

I would respond I kind with a brutally honest critique of the man

[KittyKrap]

I do think that a lot of men of a 'certain' age are impossible to change and they have a mental tick list of their ideal woman/women. Any variation on this list is a no-go.

He's going to be sad and single for a long long time.

[glassgarden]

I wonder what sort of physique this Mr Charming had?

[KittyKrap]

I've OLD in the past and was once messaged by a bloke in his 60s (I was 40), the message just said 'read my profile'. I did and there were about 40/50 bullet points of what he was looking for. About #43 was, 'anal sex'.

Of course I replied and gave him a full critique. Then blocked him.

[glassgarden]

they have a mental tick list of their ideal woman
And fail to appreciate that this ideal woman wouldn't look twice at him, or even once

[KittyKrap]

^hey have a mental tick list of their ideal woman
And fail to appreciate that this ideal woman wouldn't look twice at him, or even once^

Exactly! Or is amazingly similar to the ex wife...

[WhatchaMaCalllit]

I've read the thread and I think based on your last comment OP, you sound like a fantastic daughter supporting her fantastic mother wanting to have another go at the game of love.

This bloke on the other hand sounds like an out and out plonker of the highest order.

If your mum used an old service, could you contact them and report this guy to them as not being what he advertised and see if they can remove him from their database perhaps??? I'd say other daters would appreciate that fish being removed from the dating pool.

[SpringerS]

I'd be surprised if a revenge date would work because I suspect he specifically dates women who he thinks he can tear down easily. So he will go out with someone who he sees has a bit nervous, have a nice enough time with them while he figures out what makes them insecure, then get his rocks off by telling them he could never be with them because of the 'flaw.' They could be too heavy, too thin, too tall, too short, have too big a nose, bad skin or their ears could stick out too much. Whatever he thinks would wound them most. It's his nasty kick and is not even slightly personal to your mother. So he won't go out with a confident woman because if he can't tear her down and 'put her in her place' there is no fun in it for him.

[glassgarden]

Do some voodoo
Make a wax effigy😈

[yougetme]

Her weight /size/shape has nothing to do with what happened .Him being a bastard had everything to do with it.

What a good thing your Mother found out so early in OLD that there some monumental twats out there. Hopefully she will learn how to protect herself from them in the future.

I also think this was a completely managed scenario in order to bump up twatfaces poor little ego and nothing more than that. Concoct some smart ass retorts for the next time some sad sack even tries to put her down.

[myshinynewusername]

Maybe you take 'inspiration' from Mooey's former date and help your mum to compile a pro and cons list for this fucknugget, which naturally you can send to him to 'help' him in his quest for love.

Eg
Cons -
Bad Breath
Big Nose
Weird Shaped Head
Rubbish hair
........this could go on for some time.........
Shit Personality

Pros -
Nice Accent shame about the crap he spouts with it

[BoccadiLupa]

you are all LOVELY and I have spent the last fifteen minutes reading the thread with my Mum! This is what she says (paraphrased a bit):

• Bocca, I CANNOT believe that you put this story on the internet! followed by

• Wow. Wow. (a lot).

• Ooh NEGGING. I'd never heard of that.

• OOH I must read that book.

• But none of these ladies have ever seen me! How do they know that he is wrong? I could be a fat hunchback. Maybe he is right...

• (after the hundredth message) - ooh he really was an ARSE, wasn't he? Ooh let's sort out a revenge date!

• Those ladies are so kind (bit tearful now).

• I need a bit of time off the OLD I think, but I won't be put off by this one idiot, I promise.

• Bocca, I love you and I love all these ladies who took the time out of their day to comment.

Back to me now, I want to say thank you from the bottom of my heart. I think that she has taken strength from all your messages. I am so glad I posted now.

[flippinada]

You and your Mum both sound lovely . Glad this thread has helped.

I would say, enjoy thinking about revenge date, have a fun revenge fantasy type of thing, but don't actually do it cos that's giving the tosser headspace and energy he doesn't deserve.

Cheers - now treat yourselves to some , , or . Or all of 'em. Whatever you like!

[timelytess]

OLD requires a thick skin. Because most of the people you meet are thick men looking for a skinny woman.

[StableButDeluded]

Hello Bocca's Mum!
Even if you were a fat hunchback, you are entitled to and derserve love!

By the way, I forgot to say in my earlier post that I'm a size 18-20 and have never had a problem with it in online dating. I still stand by my earlier opinion that there are a lot of idiots on it, but not once has anyone I've met for a date or just chatted online with ever been rude to me about it. in fact, a lot of men actually say they like a 'curvier lady' and then it's usually because I've mentioned the subject first.

And I've recently met a very nice chap who is a complete gentleman and would never dream of treating anyone the way that man treated you. So, there you go, there are nice, genuine people online...unfortunately you have to run the gauntlet of the idiots and weirdos who lurk there. It's an occupational hazard.
Bit of time off from OLD is a good idea anyway, no sane person can stand it for more than a few weeks at a time. I certainly can't! Good luck!

[BoccadiLupa]

eats
drinks
and some
and feeling pretty like an today!

[KayTee87]

Disgusting pig of a 'man'

I cannot believe that people actually do this negging, that's disgraceful what the fuck is wrong with people??

[StableButDeluded]

kayTee87, I think it's just another version of the nastiness that online communication seems to induce in some people. Look at all those death threats and horrible comments people put on twitter, just because they don't agree with someone, or dislike the way they look. In most cases they are just shallow cowards who hide behind a screen and wouldn't dare to say the stuff they do in real life.
I've never heard of this 'negging'...actually going out on a date to purposely knock someone down. That to me sounds like a whole new level of cruelty.

[KayTee87]

It's really bad isn't it :( I'm not on Twitter but comments under articles on Facebook can be pretty vile too.
It actually makes me sad but says a lot more about the person saying the horrible things than it does about the person it's said of.

[LoucheLady]

Yes he sounds like a massive dick BUT if I'm honest it sounds like your lovely mum needs to work on her self-confidence BEFORE going OLD rather than using it to build her up. It's brutal if you're feeling a bit fragile.

[BreakingDad77]

Is kinda sad how this generational entitled attitude is so ingrained in men, this guy is old and yet you will get exactly the same words pretty much from a young needy guy who gets rejected.

[SeaWitchly]

Tbh I would forget about the revenge date.

Why do either of you want to waste another second of your lives thinking about this total waste of oxygen?

I think the real issue here is your mother's low self esteem. She sounds like an interesting and attractive lady whom most mature and decent men would enjoy dating. Just because this one creep couldn't see past his own superficial checklist [and what a rude twit he was, really I pity the next woman who has to date him] doesn't mean your mother is worthless. You know that Bocca but your Mum doesn't... yet.

If I were her I would book a lovely holiday with you, take up a class for something she has always longed to try [i.e. salsa, jewellery making or pottery, foreign language, etc] and also book some counselling sessions around building self esteem and working through her feelings around the ending of past relationships.

Good luck to you both and please delete this pathetic man from your thoughts or any intentions for your futures. You'll both feel better for it I promise.