To want Google this man, TEAR his ears off and make him eat them?

[BoccadiLupa]

My lovely DM (64) was left by her husband for another (younger) woman 3 years ago - not my DF, he left when I was tiny. She has taken a real knock to her self-confidence and it has taken real work to get over the 'why does everyone leave me' thing. Recently she signed up to an internet dating site, with one of her friends, I think they signed up after a few glasses of wine.
Anyway. She went on a first date with a man who seemed lovely: they had chatted on the phone, he seemed interesting, cultured everything. On the date, all seemed to be going well until he said to her "Ah, I want you to know, I have never been in a relationship with someone who isn't slim. And I guess that with your shape, even on a diet, you'd struggle to lose weight. You are really big boned, I can see that". He then rang later that evening to say that it wasn't going to work out, because he couldn't find someone her shape attractive and that she 'lacked energy'.
Info: my Mum is a size 18, far from obese and dresses really well for her shape. She is full of energy and does sport, classes, travels etc. She looks great! Anyway, since this date she has been in floods of tears and she confessed to me this morning that she didn't get out of bed at all day yesterday because there was no point and no one was ever going to find her attractive again.
I HATE him. I want to Google him and call him up and say "you IDIOT. Have some MANNERS. Don't tell a woman that she is fat! Find some other reason to refuse a second date if you think she is hideous". And PS Didn't you see her profile photo (which is a full length shot of her).
WTF is wrong with people?
AIBU?

A low life sorry

But if he does call again as per this negging theory...I would be really tempted to make the date and not turn up, if I was your mum.

Definitely complain to the dating agency and let them know just what sort of lowlife they have on their books, though

I assume you're not familiar with online dating tanith?

He's a complete shit of the first order - your poor Mum (I have been there with the 'dumped for a younger woman thing' it shatters your confidence - I have not been brave enough to start dating again - so good for her)

I think some men see these dating things as ' I will look you over and decided whether I want to date you' because they are so fucking arrogant they've forgotten it's a two person thing not just about what they want.

When she's feeling less bruised you Mum will hopefully realise she's had a lucky escape from a total twat, your Mum sounds lovely and I hope she finds an equally lovely man to be with who will cherish her. That's what she deserves.

I wouldn't advise wasting any more time on this guy - he's not worth any energy at all - he will never find a partner if the way he spoke to you Mum is an example of his attitude, so the best revenge is to let him go on blundering through dates and making an idiot of himself.

She can do so much better than that knobwomble. I feel the anger you feel for your mum being hurt so much, it's awful to see (funny how when we get older*, we want to totally protect our mums like they did us when we were small).

• not that I am saying you're old OP 😊.

Good luck and best wishes to your mum.

Oh, actually I agree with WorraLiberty...don't listen to me, don't do the revenge date thing...it would be very undignified and just giving him more headspace.
She is being sensible, listen to her.
(But it would feel soooooooo gooooooood)

Goodness me! What breathtaking rudeness!! No gentleman would ever dream of saying such things to his companion/date.

No wonder this man is single. I doubt any woman would want to spend very long in his company.

Your mother must rest assured that she is well rid of such a egotistical, tactless and downright nasty man!

There is a true 'gentleman' out there somewhere, waiting for your mum to meet him. In the meantime, and and to your mum.

But it would feel soooooooo gooooooood

It so would Stable

Your poor mum! What a horrible start to her online dating experience. Sadly as other posters have already said, there's a lot of this kind of behaviour going around thanks to those ridiculous Pick Up Artist sites.

While I'd want to give him an earful too, if he's under the kind of guy I'm imagining then that will only stroke his ego further. He'll get his kicks from knowing he's got under her skin, and will just claim that he was only being 'honest'.

If this does turn out to be a horrible 'negging' attempt and he calls again, PLEASE have your mum simply laugh and hang up on him.

My mum is in her 50s and a size 18 and recently married a lovely man she met online dating (having encountered a few utter twats on there first). Hopefully she can consider this a baptism of fire and be persuaded to give it another go!

That's a good point 80s, it really isn't a surprise he's single

Online dating really is brutal and the best of it is, most of the arseholes like this aren't exactly Brad fucking Pitt themselves

Sorry, I really didn't mean it to be offensive.
I was very cross.
It wasn't because he was a dick that I suggested he might be on the spectrum, but because he appeared to have no understanding about how socially inappropriate his 'feedback' was. He genuinely thought it was constructive criticism.

But you are right, it was not my proudest moment.

Wtf is wrong with these people.

My friend is a size 18, she used a lovely picture of herself in a restaurant as her OLD profile picture. She got a message from one man berating her for using a picture in a restaurant because she was so fat she should be too embarrassed to eat in public.

Some people are complete twats, im sure your mum is lovely op. I hope she feels better soon.

Have you seen this OP? indy100.independent.co.uk/article/this-woman-had-the-best-response-when-a-tinder-date-said-she-was-too-fat-to-love--WJCHq7ctfl

The same happened to this woman but she got her own back on social media

That man is a twunt

Can I offer you the services of my three enormous brothers?!

Tell your mum that there are hundreds of women who think that he's an utter bastard.

Bocca's Mum : hope this thread makes you smile a little.

I knew someone through a friend many years ago, he thought he was god's gift to women. I ended up dancing opposite him at an event, and he told me I could be quite good looking if I didn't wear glasses. I replied that he could be quite good looking if he didn't have such a massive nose, but at least I could take my glasses off.

He just looked at me and changed the subject, steered well clear of me after that.

He ended up broke and in prison - and he still had a big nose.

at nicenewdusters
I wish I could think of awesome come-backs like that on the spot!

It's depressing how many men are still out there under the impression that they get to sit back, judge, critique and appraise women as though we are on parade for their approval.

Even educated "modern" men.

Some of the comments I've experienced:

In the middle of a conversation I thought was occurring between equals with no sexual interest or flirtation, "nice jumper, you look almost date-able today" Eh?

When I returned from a formal do and walked past male flat-mate "you look really good, but your legs really let you down". No opinion had been sought, said as though this critique was some sort of favour to me.

In the middle of a discussion about work, "I think it's time you grew your hair long again now". WTF, again I didn't ask and what does that have to do with my work.

Again in a discussion about work "you've put on a lot of weight, time to do something about it?" (Perfectly normal BMI at the time btw)

Also at work in a totally unrelated discussion "you are looking really lean, good for you".

I have also had, uninvited, "you could be a model except for ......" As though being a model is naturally something EVERY WOMAN MUST aspire to.

The bottom line is that ALL of the men who said these things are/were arse holes. Men who didn't get that women are equal human beings rather than primarily decoration (who you hope you get on with as a secondary issue). I would never want to be in a relationship with any of these men.

Your mum had a lucky escape, it can be a great relief to have someone show you who they are so early on.

Please tell your Lovely Mum that if anything he realised she was too good for him

My beautiful then 26 year friend had the same happen to her several times when doing OLD.

One prick in particular admitted he'd only arranged the date to take her down a couple of pegs…

It really has been a baptism of fire for her hasn't it.

Friend met lovely bloke a few months later and they're now living happily together and marriage is been planned.

Nothing to add except same - as a larger lass with a health condition this is why I stay away from both Tinder and online dating as I just don't have it in me to be able to cope with this kind of thing on a regular basis.

Tanith - I do love your post, as PP says upthread. Just the thought that you think introduction bureaus exist still I wish they still did. a lot more civilised! I think the rich still have them.

^My beautiful then 26 year friend had the same happen to her several times when doing OLD.

One prick in particular admitted he'd only arranged the date to take her down a couple of pegs…^

CHRIST ! SERIOUSLY???

THIS ^^ is why I don't do it.

Your Mum had a lucky escape! He's a jerk. There is never ever any excuse for that kind of judgemental and unkind remark. That's not normal behaviour, he's clearly abusive. What a nasty, shallow asshat he is.

Nice. Talk about what goes around comes around.

One prick in particular said. " He only arranged a date to knock her down a peg or two.
WTAF does he think he is. .
Who made him God's gift. Knock her down a peg or two. Away and fuck. I'd have fuckin chinned him, and knocked him right out.
We'd have soon found out who would have been knocked down a peg of two.

OOh what a load of lovely and kind messages! I have persuaded her to come round in a bit as I have 'something to show her' (this thread!). I really need her to see that every single person has said that he is just a freak.

To those who suggested that she do classes and things; she really does. She does choir, Spanish choir, Spanish lessons, a walking group and aqua aerobics every week - and she is about to start a photography class too. She just says everyone is attached.

She COULD embrace the single life, and she has done quite well. But she says that she really wants one more chance to meet someone. If that's how she really feels, I don't want her to be put off by one idiot!

Years ago myself and two friends had a drunky night out. Sensible friend went to bed and me and other friend were reading the lonely hearts in the paper, this was in the days where you called and left a message. We saw one who specified that woman had to be a size 12 or under - we were raging even though we were slim back then. So we left a message along the lines of, oh yes I LOVE walks in the country and eating Italian food and everything else he mentioned then 'oh but I'm a size 14, you wouldn't be interested...'

I often wonder if he beat himself up for years after.

Just caught the beginning intro of The Wright Stuff (before being forced to put Paw Patrol on), one of the subjects up for discussion today is 'is Revenge ever a good idea?' Do you think he's shamelessly stolen your thread OP?!