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Original poster

To send DS to school without a snack?

120 replies

Frimplepants · 11/05/2016 07:00

They all sit and eat their snack at morning break. DS has to leave the house in 3 minutes. He was first asked 42 minutes ago to get dressed. He has been asked/told several times since and told to come and present himself to me fully dressed and then I will make his snack.

He is still in pyjamas. Would it be totally wrong to send him today with just his water bottle?

OP posts:
Artandco · 11/05/2016 14:56

If - I assume op son is at school abroad. They come home for lunch. So he eats breakfast about 6am, lunch 1-2pm. If he wants a snack what's the harm

I don't snack usually, neither do my children. But if they ask for one when they are hungry they get something

Original poster
Frimplepants · 11/05/2016 15:03

Yes art. Except he's home no later than 12, so has cooked lunch 12-1230. Hoe doesn't get a snack if he's at home with me, and I had to halve the recommended amount as he would never eat his lunch.

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 11/05/2016 15:45

Why is everyone so obsessed with snacks?

Nobody is obsessed with snacks. We re trying to help and advise the very frazzled sounding OP

And lots of things went on in the 80s and 90s that don't now so that's a rather fatuous argument

limon · 11/05/2016 17:09

Why would you intertwine food with behaviour? Not wise imho.

DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease · 11/05/2016 17:19

How many mornings mon-Fri are you struggling, and how do those mornings compare to getting dressed sat and sun? Just trying to determine how much of the problem is the process of getting dressed for the day and how much is school avoidance. I'm sorry the school are not helpful. The response that he should 'grow up' isn't kind or helpful. Do try not to let it get you down, it's difficult and you're struggling, but you're doing it, and hopefully you'll find some strategies to make things easier.

Pearlman · 11/05/2016 19:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

InTheSandPit · 12/05/2016 06:07

How was this morning, Frimple?

Shannaratiger · 12/05/2016 06:16

DS is 9 and I still have to be in the room with him to make him get dressed, inhaler, teeth and homework.
DD has ASD and wouldn't do anything without me standing their nagging!

MidniteScribbler · 12/05/2016 06:31

If a child comes in without snack or lunch, then I end up giving them mine. Children learn better when they aren't hungry.

Keep your punishments for home infringements at home. Don't expect teachers to enforce them for you.

Schwabischeweihnachtskanne · 12/05/2016 06:41

I'd suggest not letting him downstairs until he's dressed (that way you are effectively withholding breakfast but only as a natural consequence not as a punishment. )

We're abroad too and mine have to catch a bus at 7am for primary (DD'S bus goes at 6:40 for secondary) and yes the snack is important - mine have a full on packed lunch to eat at 9:30am Grin as do all the other kids.

I have never let them come downstairs in pyjamas on a school day and enforce this for the 5 yo (who isn't at school yet) too - back when they were young enough to need me to dress them I enforced the rule on myself (and I follow it too for myself).

I wouldn't dress my 5 yo (no SN) and am somewhat Shock that so many people suggest you help a 6 yo dress- sometimes on MN I am left with the impression people must be using "dog years" for children or something - 3 is about the oldest I'd help a child without special needs dress unless the clothes are complicated (fiddly fastenings or ties). Of course your DS' s ASD may mean different rules, but you'd know that if it did, rather than all the people telling you to help a school child dress (presumably nobody helps all those 6 year olds dress and undress before and after school sport/ PE).

Hope he's dressed this morning Frimple ?

LittleHouseOnTheShelf · 12/05/2016 06:55

He's six. You want to deprive him of a portion of fruit because he's not getting ready on time? Have you any idea how ridiculous that sounds?

RoganJosh · 12/05/2016 06:59

We do not coming downstairs until dressed. Apron on for breakfast.
Or no tv until dressed.

Schwabischeweihnachtskanne · 12/05/2016 07:04

Littlehouse it is incredibly obvious that that is not remotely what she wants to do Hmm

What she wants to do is find a way to get her son to get dressed on school mornings in time. At 6 that is not a big ask at all (though the ASD may make it one).

I think he should get dressed before coming down for breakfast as a rule that becomes set in stone - sending kids to get dressed rather than it being the first thing they do always seems to cause drawn out drama in the mornings!

MunchCrunch01 · 12/05/2016 07:07

Oh I've threatened this before op, dd1 is an arch foot dragger, I usually say it's fruit mummy picks vs her choice of snack if she's being slow - she just hates leaving home and likes a slow start. Don't beat yourself up

Original poster
Frimplepants · 12/05/2016 07:07

He's dressed. Came out of the room and said, "you can make my snack now, mummy." So I think the message kind of went in. Unfortunately, the first request to get dressed was ignored, the second met with an attempted punch in the face and subsequent time out. Then he went to his room and very slowly dressed himself.

schwab. Don't have a downstairs, just a living area (kitchen/dining/sofa combined) with bedrooms and bathroom going off of it. DD will need a full on packed lunch when she starts! But DS eats such a large breakfast that if he even has a whole piece of fruit for his snack, he won't eat his lunch. I don't see why I should help him dress, he can do it himself. There are no buttons/thin zips/poppers on his clothes, just on his coat, which I do help him with if he's having difficulty. He has to do it at school, so I am doing no favours dressing him at home.

I have just turfed him out, so as long as he doesn't stop to admire the building works along the way, he should be there on time!

OP posts:
Schwabischeweihnachtskanne · 12/05/2016 07:07

Agree Rogan - we have no TV before school at all, though it's relatively unregulated (time wise) later in the day after homework is done.

Plenty of parenting battles but no trouble getting kids out in the mornings this way - dress before coming downstairs, no tv before school.

Schwabischeweihnachtskanne · 12/05/2016 07:09

Well done Frimple - sorry about myobsession with downstairs :o but before breakfast stands :o

Original poster
Frimplepants · 12/05/2016 07:13

No tv until dressed is my winter method, although the tantrums when it goes off are somewhat spectacular. He gets up close to 5 when on winter time though, so it's worth it to keep him quiet so he doesn't wake DD. Really not worth the fall out when it's light though.

OP posts:
Kitsandkids · 12/05/2016 07:17

I don't really understand why people are saying it wasn't a logical consequence. If the rule is 'I always make your snack once you are dressed' and the child takes so long getting dressed that there is no time, then the logical consequence is that there can be no snack. It's not using food as a punishment, it's teaching a child that they need to get ready on time or there simply won't be time to get the snack ready.

I currently have the rule that if my children, aged 7 and 8, don't get ready after breakfast with plenty of time to get to school then the rest of the week they get ready as soon as they get up, then go to breakfast club and have breakfast there (I don't like them getting ready before breakfast as my 8 year old is still hit and miss with spillages, but I'm not too bothered if they get in a mess once at school!) This week they were fast on Monday and very slow on Tuesday, so were at breakfast club yesterday and will be tomorrow and Friday.

Kitsandkids · 12/05/2016 07:19

Or today and Friday even!

MidniteScribbler · 12/05/2016 07:29

It's not using food as a punishment, it's teaching a child that they need to get ready on time or there simply won't be time to get the snack ready.

You don't withhold food as punishment. And you really don't withhold food when it will affect their ability to learn during the school day.

Schwabischeweihnachtskanne · 12/05/2016 07:46

Midnight it's highly unlikely that not eating half a pear at 9:30 will impact the child's concentration during an 8-12 4 hour school day, after starting the day with a big breakfast. The OP also said the other children will share with him anyway (her ds' s class teacher told her not to worry about it if he sometimes doesn't have a snack).

Back when DD started school her class teacher told parents at the info evening that if kids forgot their snackon no account were parents to bring it in during the school day, and not to worry as kids always shared and the children are free to pick apples, pears and apricots in the school grounds :o

Catmuffin · 12/05/2016 07:46

What country are you in?

Schwabischeweihnachtskanne · 12/05/2016 07:52

OPsaid yyesterday at 15:03 that he's home no later than 12 - his school day may actually finish at 11:20 (our primary finishes at 11:20 3 days per week for 6 year olds, hours increase a bit eech year so that the last year of primary mist days finish at 12:15 or 1pm).

I'm gguessing Germany or Switzerland though I don't know where Frimple lives - I'm in Germany.

Catmuffin · 12/05/2016 07:54

Is it just the school that lacks understanding of ASD or is it a problem in the country as a whole?

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