To send DS to school without a snack?

[Frimplepants]

They all sit and eat their snack at morning break. DS has to leave the house in 3 minutes. He was first asked 42 minutes ago to get dressed. He has been asked/told several times since and told to come and present himself to me fully dressed and then I will make his snack.

He is still in pyjamas. Would it be totally wrong to send him today with just his water bottle?

frimple I feel your pain, I really do. Ds(7) has similar issues. I totally understand why you did what you did, yes in hindsight it wasnt the best plan, but it's exhausting and sometime we get it wrong.

I am sure you have but have you tried a visual timetable, where he takes the pictures off when he has done the thing, so wash, teeth, dressed etc?

Don't remove food as a punishment.
Checklist of things to do? Sticker or something if he does it.
Get dressed first then breakfast?
You dress him while he watches TV (or other distraction?)

Gosh that sounds tough.

What does he do if you help him dress?

My 6 yr old will faff and faff and faff in the mornings (well, most times really!), but I suspect the difference is that i can grab him and stand him up whilst dressing him super quick without him getting upset or resisting... And I work on the not getting distracted bit at other times of the day when it's not so fraught. He once got so upset about it all that he was in tears crying 'I don't know HOW to not get distracted, I can't do it'. Made me realise that he's not doing it on purpose, and he literally doesn't have that skill yet. It would be like pushing and nagging and following him round telling him to do the 6 times table when he has no idea what multiplication even is.

But I'm thinking that's not what happens for your DS? That you can't grab kindly and tickle him in between pulling clothes on him. That it's harder to even know where to begin teaching your DS some of these skills, when there are so many barriers in the way before you can even get to the core skill itself.

Sorry if this is rather teaching to suck eggs, but I think you need help with this. Lots and lots of help, expertise, advice, and support for you, and your DS.

Crucially, it's a long haul, a long slog, to getting him surrounded by people who know and want to teach and care and nurture him so he can grow and be happy, and shine.

The school sounds SHITE! I'm sure you've already thought about this, and are probably mid banging head for the millionth time on the ignorance and bureaucrasy and lack of funding.

for you OP, sounds like an awful situation.

My DB was very similar. My Mum actually took him to school in his pjs one day (this was about 20 years ago now though).

Sorry but at the age of six, YABU.

Decaf- I mean mine getting up at 7.45am I can expect them to dress themselves quicker as later in bed. If they had to be awake at 6am for 8am school start I think I would be more inclined to 'baby' them and help as it is early, and I can imagine some days they would rather sleep than get dressed. Hence for 6 year old leaving early I would probably just help by being in room and passing clothes to speed things up and be a bit sympathic to them.

I'm assuming he ate before clothes trouble as you left straight after? Can you change morning routine so he gets dressed as soon as he wakes, then eats? It's easier if he is dressed but hasn't eaten by 7am as then at least he's ready to go clothes wise and you can grab a banana and sandwich to take on the way if needed

What does he do if you try to physically help him into his uniform?

You say that food motivates him, could he be cajoled into getting ready on time with the promise of a biscuit there and then if he gets ready quickly? (I know biscuits aren't healthy, but neither are painfully stressful mornings and family relations)

I have a problem with DC4 not wanting to get dressed. I've taken him out in PJ's before now.
I've found things work best if the kids get dressed before breakfast. Mine are quite hungry in the mornings and it motivates them.

There is no having to get up at 6am art. He get up then himself. He has done since he was one week old. I would be happy for him to stay in bed til 7. He won't. I have never had to wake him up in the morning. His clothes were laid out for him.

Or, instead of a biscuit, do as art suggests and move breakfast to after getting dressed?

Could you set the big clock so it's 5 or 10 minutes fast? I guess at 6 it's going to take him some to realise and it gives you a cushion of time

Sounds like your not in the UK, but we too start at 7.50 am. We go to bed early, we get up early. What's the problem, Art?

Frimple the only way I can gets my boys dressed sometimes is to race them. But that only works because if all I do is throw on a bra and dress, I can be out in 30secs, and then come back after they are on the bus and get ready properly. Might a race against you or his sister work?

I think, overall, with holding food for not getting dressed probably isn't the best, but am struggling with what else. Does he get pocket money?? Could he pay the fine (or fraction of it, depends on amount) as that is what you have to do when he's late?

Hope tomorrow is easier.

I have a 10yr old with ASD/ADHD. I STILL have to dress her frequently in the mornings - she CAN do it herself, just seems unable to get moving. Even if things are laid out and easy to use.

I'd be inclined to set aside a 5 minute slot, even in my own head, to get DS dressed (work over time, on him taking more responsibility for it himself) and getting him into a routine of getting dressed. Rather than shouting to him from another room - I know in our house, we hear a "yes" response, but it has really just gone over her head and she needs some physical presence to move her onwards.

I KNOW how frustrating it can be. Especially when they are actually capable of doing it. Apparently, mine was always great at swimming lessons (au pair used to bring her) - another Mum from school had hers at the class before, and DD would be in, get into togs, and off out to pool with no assistance (and refused offers of assistance from this mum as well!!) - but if I was there, she'd be unable to do it alone. (I did the odd week when I was not working).

Maybe see if there's something he'd be interested in doing before school, that he can do once he's dressed? Although that could bring its own problems on days you're running a bit late, or routines that become set in stone after doing something twice (sometimes only ONCE!) or he might get completely absorbed in and find it hard to leave it for school.

I hope tomorrow goes better. We've all had days where nothing goes right - just put it behind you and start again.

He's home now anyway. Teacher said no problems today, especially considering there was a disliked activity (singing) that he joined in nicely with. As far as she could discover, nothing happened yesterday. A couple of the other children shared their snack with DS.

Problem with dressing before breakfast is the risk of needing to get changed again...

He pushes me away decaff. No way would I bribe him like that with biscuits. He doesn't even need uniform, just something vaguely presentable and weather suitable. Tomorrow is another day...

In - it's not an issue waking early. I'm just saying, especially in winter when it's dark early, getting a child motivated to get ready at 6am when it's dark outside even if they are awake can be trickier than when it's a bit later and sun is up. At 6-7am when it's dark half the year, cold, even awake most adults would prefer to be awake but slowly start the day.

For your sanity I would just changed to up and dressed straight away. Help him if needed ie you can finish getting ready near him but pop in and speed process up buy helping with buttons then all head to eat after. Then you know after eating it's just shoes and leaving left.

Do you go in car to school? Could you maybe get him some new story tapes to listen to in car to encourage leaving for school?

Tuck muslin cloth/ napkin/ tea towel into clean clothes if messy eater

No car. One minute walk. Won't allow tucking of things into his clothes or wear an apron. There are no buttons. All his clothes are carefully sourced so all trousers/shorts have elastic aged waists. T-shirts a size too large so easy to get on. Jumper/coats all have chunky plastic zips. None of his clothes have buttons anywhere on them (else he would refuse to wear them). DS never starts the day slowly. he certainly doesn't take after me!

I was in his room with him biddy but it's like talking to a brick wall sometimes. Short of physically fighting him... Right. I shall set aside a battle time for tomorrow.

I took Ds to nursery once with no clothes on and wrapped in a blanket because he wouldn't get dressed in the morning. When he got there he got dressed in double quick time. He never did it again

I wonder, would he respond to a chart rather than being told?

A piece of paper with symbols on it, for each item, or the routine to follow in the morning? If it was laminated, he could tick off each item with a whiteboard marker each day.

Just that he might respond better to visual things than vocal instructions.

I know there are websites (I've found them a few times and promptly lost them again so I'm no help with that part sorry) with pictures to print out for these types of charts.

Feel free to ignore me if you've already tried it - I know we did it to get DD into brushing her teeth before bedtime and it helped. I TOTALLY get the brick wall.

In other words go out of the house with him in his pyjamas. He will be begging to be let back inside to get dressed.

(And do dirty clothes really matter? If he's actually dressed?)

I suppose not. I'm not doing well today. DD decided she needed a nap after lunch. Barely fallen asleep when I got a phone call from a classmate asking if DS could go and play. I asked him to go downstairs and get the buggy whilst I got DD out of bed. Get her to the front door to hear a clattering and find he is trying to carry the buggy up three flights of stairs. I didn't specify he should use the lift.

Hello OP. You're sounding a bit defeated.

I think the very best way to handle this is to move breakfast after dressing - I think that's a great idea.

Have a chat with him about it tonight so it's not a surprise

Good luck with tomorrow morning

It does sound as if your DS has some issues with clothes, which you have tried to work around with the sizing/comfort etc. But no, I wouldn't send him without a snack. Sorry to hear that the school are being unhelpful too.

Why is everyone so obsessed with snacks? We were only allowed to eat at lunch when I went to school in the 80's and 90's. None of us died. .

YANBU.