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Original poster

To ask if anyone honestly regrets DC2

109 replies

Minimalteserbunny · 09/05/2016 20:37

I adore my DS in that exhausting but wonderful way
I had always wanted more than 1 child but I had a horrendous pregnancy god awful birth and then he ended up in special care for a week

Despite having awful PTSD/PND I still think I'd love another child??

I'm scared I'll regret it

I know it's taboo to say but does anyone honestly regret having another child

OP posts:
LellyMcKelly · 09/05/2016 21:29

When DC2 didn't sleep for 4 years I thought I was going to go insane, but now with they are older (10 and 8) they are wonderful company for each other. I never, ever, regretted having him as he's adorable, but those first few years were tough.

Notimefortossers · 09/05/2016 21:31

My DC2 (I have 4 now) was a total frigging nightmare. And still is now at times and she's nearly 5. She screamed for the first year of her life and even now I'd definitely suspect some sort of behavioural disorder if it weren't for the fact that she is such a good girl at school.

That being said, I don't regret her being here for a single moment. She's amazing in so many ways and I love her every bit as much as all my others (who are all good ;) )

I honestly don't think anyone ever regrets their children once they're here.

And F.Y.I for all those of you saying how hard it is having 2. It is, but once you get past 2 it's a doddle! ;)

Knackered69 · 09/05/2016 21:32

No - there were times when it was extremely difficult though.

I had hyperemesis, then was fairly OK. Gave birth, had an episiotomy, which developed a haematoma and got infected. I developed septicaemia, and went into renal failure.

By the time I got home I was struggling, and ended up with psychosis and depression and spending a long time with him in a mother and baby unit.

It took a long time for my mental health to recover and just as I was turning the corner my husband left me.

It was a vair eventful time Shock but we all came through. I had managed to bond before all the problems, so although it felt frozen for a while the basics were there

Ds2 is absolutely delightful! He's a real treasure even at 13! After all that happened I have absolutely no regrets. There were times when I thought what have I done, when things were really tough, but tbh I'd do it all again to have Ds2! 😁

ExasperatedAlmostAlways · 09/05/2016 21:32

Absolutely no way or the third.

clarella · 09/05/2016 21:34

I have similar worries. No family nearby, I need to work part time, DH works long hours and isn't terribly good at helping out with the nitty gritty stuff. Some chronic conditions and I'm 40 next year. My pregnancy was awful and I have acquired two more things health wise to manage now.

But I do keep thinking that having #2 when ds1 (terrible feeder, sleeper, very hectic busy always on the go or incredibly clingy, and very determined little thing) is older, a second will be a little easier. He's 3.5 now and some things are getting easier anyway. The school he'd go to is directly behind us apart from anything...!

A friend said she'd always wanted two and so wouldn't ever let anything stand in her way.

When I think about imagining how I'd cope as a single mother it seems to help me be more resourceful. DH does help, much more now, and tries very hard when he can but has struggled with the life changes tbh. He really wants another.

My biggest fear is getting very ill again (I was very weak) - simple things like loading the dishwasher were impossible. Coping with the business and mess of two scares me in that situation.

Both sets of parents are late 60s, early 70s too.

But, I know I'd regret it if I didn't.

That said, my back up plan/ therapy is a dog (I think it would be good for all of us and ds; I grew up with lots of animals and digs) and several friends can't have children anyway, so I'd count myself lucky.

slithytove · 09/05/2016 21:35

No. Way better than having just one. The love and fun and happiness hasn't just doubled, it's gone to like a multiple of ten.

SaucyJack · 09/05/2016 21:37

I regret having 3 DC.

The two I'd like to keep change on a daily basis depending on who is being most annoying, but in all honesty I definitely think we all have our own tipping point as to what constitutes too large a family to be manageable and/or enjoyable.

Two was fine for me tho- and you're undoubtedly much better at it all than me.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 09/05/2016 21:37

Never regretted for a moment, quite the contrary.

A friend of mine once told me that she was worrid about having dc2, since she couldn't imagine ever loving him/her like she loved the first. But of course she did.

As the old grannies used to say, babies bring their own love with them. (yes, I know there are very sad exceptions, but I don't think they're too common)

Mrscog · 09/05/2016 21:38

No I don't, but it breaks my heart sometimes that when I'm looking after both of them neither of them get quality (they're 4 and just 1). They are both very demanding and basically one of them has to plonked in front of the to while I do something with the other then swap. I've not yet found anything we can do nicely together without danger/destruction/fighting/tears. I feel as though I'm missing out on DS1s wonderful preschool years because I'm just juggling.

Now I'm back at work I am happier though as I can use childcare for 1 to have special days with the other and vice versa.

BeauGlacons · 09/05/2016 21:47

No. Sadly for us DS2 wasn't well enough to survive an early birth. DD (DC3) was born 51 weeks later and made life almost perfect. My only regret was not having the courage to have DC4, and for us three children. I look back and so wish I had.

Oly5 · 09/05/2016 21:58

Oh it's hell when they are toddler and newborn (22 month age gap). But now they are 4 &2 it's much easier. I'm thinking of another!

Groovee · 09/05/2016 22:02

He's 13 now and I would not be without him. I just felt contentment when he was born. It's not been easy but I don't regret it. Dd and Ds have a lovely relationship at times.

derektheladyhamster · 09/05/2016 22:05

Mine are 16 & 13. It was probably hard when they were young, but I don't remember now. They are the best of friends, and fab company to each other and me Grin

FirstWeTakeManhattan · 09/05/2016 22:07

Oh Beau Flowers

JuxtapositionRecords · 09/05/2016 22:10

After having my DC2 absolutely I regretted it. Those first few weeks with 2 were hell - juggling both their needs felt impossible. But it got better and better so quickly. Now (and with subsequent DC) I am so glad I didn't stick with just one (I had same reservations as you). I heard a saying from Kim Kardashian that one is child is like having one child, and having two children is like having twenty children. And it's true but that is also a massive positive - so much extra love and laughter and games. The friendship between the DC is something I could never have provided to an only child.

Haroldplaystheharmonica · 09/05/2016 22:13

Juxta Do I take it that we're both watching (ahem) KUWTK...?

JuxtapositionRecords · 09/05/2016 22:21

harold I could pretend to be catching up on Prime Minister's Question Time but I won't Wink I bloody love a bit of KUWTK

Haroldplaystheharmonica · 09/05/2016 22:25

I've rarely watch it but it kind of draws you in...

ILovePies · 09/05/2016 22:33

If you had asked me this 18 months ago my answer would have been yes. It wasn't that I regretted having her, it was that I felt I didn't have enough alone time with DS. Now when I look at her, I couldn't imagine my life without her & seeing how my DC have bonded makes me so incredibly happy and proud to be their mother.

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeG0es · 09/05/2016 22:42

Mine are ten and twelve and there has never been a moment of regret. We always intended to have two and never even considered having a third, two has felt completely and utterly right all along.

Strokethefurrywall · 09/05/2016 22:46

Nope, have never regretted my boys but I did worry that they would do nothing but fight, or that they wouldn't be close growing up, despite only 2 1/2 years between them.

No doubt the first year was hard. DS2 was a very easy baby but DS1 went through a fear stage about half way through the first year and I found him hard work until about 3 1/2. But my God, now they love each other so much and absolutely nothing makes me smile or feel joy like watching them when they're making each other giggle or being kind to each other (when they don't know we're watching).

They're both now at a brilliant age. DS2 doesn't tantrum as much as DS1 even though he's less verbal, but I guess he just has more to distract him.

They are brilliant just now, so much so that I almost feel like I don't need another like I'd always wanted!

HelloDoris · 09/05/2016 22:51

I regretted DC1 for a long time, massive change in my life, bad birth etc etc.
Despite this DC2 I've never regretted, we didn't plan that one very well (very much an oops baby) and with 21months between them it's not been easy. But despite a bit of low level bickering they are the best of friends and I would not have it any other way!

JsOtherHalf · 09/05/2016 22:53

A friend has 2 children, with about a 2 year gap. She says they don't enjoy being with each other, and prefer it when their sibling isn't there eg sleepovers.
They are 8 and 6.

I know it hurts her.

SerenityReynolds · 09/05/2016 22:54

I don't regret it at all, but I feel sad for the impact it has had on DC1(3). I feel like I rarely get any quality time with her, as her sister (5 months) only really sleeps out and about the buggy. I feel bad that I'm short tempered with her because it's difficult dealing with her threenage behaviour when DD2 is screaming to be fed.

I do believe it will get easier though, such as when weaning is established or when DD2 can go in the highchair, or sit to interact, or is just feeding less! I can't wait to see their relationship develop. They adore each other, but I miss my time with DD1 at the moment. There will definitely not be a DC3!

u32ng · 09/05/2016 22:54

Ha! Reading this after having an awful day looking after both DC (boys). Not so much regretting having the second (5m old) as regretting having had the first!! He's preschool age and is going through a cheeky little shit doesn't-listen-to-anything-I-say phase. God I hope it's a phase.

What I would say is, only embark upon 2 if you WANT to have a second and not just coz you feel you ought to/want to make up for some regrets from the first time etc