To ask if anyone honestly regrets DC2

[Minimalteserbunny]

I adore my DS in that exhausting but wonderful way
I had always wanted more than 1 child but I had a horrendous pregnancy god awful birth and then he ended up in special care for a week

Despite having awful PTSD/PND I still think I'd love another child??

I'm scared I'll regret it

I know it's taboo to say but does anyone honestly regret having another child

[SirRodneyEffing]

I have 3 DC, twins and a singleton with 4 years between them.

In some ways the singleton was harder work, even now rarely sleeps through the night. During the day time he is funny, kind and entertaining. At night, I often think if he was first, he would have been an only child.

[PacificDogwod]

Minimalteser, I had DS4 just before my 44th birthday and while I would have liked to have children earlier than I did (was 36 when I had DS1), I don't feel so far that my age has been an issue - I have just turned 50, DS4 is 6 and in school.
I am well, I have never smoked, I drink little alcohol, I eat well, my weight is normal(isn), I am very active, I can well keep up with the kids. DH is younger than me and has more physical problems than I have - there's just no guarantees.

I totally agree with raisedbyguineapigs though: there is a much wider debate to be had about how the net gain/loss of having children impacts on women in particular . I think if I had not been able to have children I would have been devastated, but NOW with my brood I can see how my relationship, my career, developing my interests would have taken a much higher priority and I'd likely have a very different life if I were child free.

I love them all, I'd not be without them, but they have come at a price.

[MrsDavies1985]

YANBU to ask the question at all. It's something I've thought long and hard about myself. Although I didn't suffer with PND I have had a 12 year battle with depression and a terrible episode when my DD was 2.

We have decided not to have more children. If you asked me a year ago if that was the wrong choice I would have hesitated to answer but now I can categorically say it is right for us.

However if there is always a part of you that will wonder "what if?" you should go for it. Now you know the signs you can ensure you have a wonderful support system around you to help you if you need it. Good luck xxxx

[GirlOutNumbered]

My second is such a pain in the bum, hard work all the time, screamed all the time, argues and fights and his brother is the opposite. I often joke that if DC2 came first I wouldn't have had another one.

However, it's all absolutely worth it for the large amount of time they spend playing, laughing, joking (and fighting). It's fabulous for them to have each other.

[oobedobe]

No regrets, though DD2 was very hard to get, so ended up with a bigger gap, which drew out the years of dealing with little ones, at this point she is nearly 4 and I am so ready for her to go to school and stop with the toddler/pre-school stuff - 8 years of it is enough! She is a sweetheart though, calmer and easier to please than DD1.

They are great company for each other and playing better together all the time. One is easier than two in some ways (less nagging, less minding, less laundry), but I see my neighbour with one girl and her mum is always looking for a playmate for her and I would struggle to entertain one all the time (especially as DD1 is a major attention seeker and not great at playing alone).

[ktmummy1]

Bloody hard work. My two Dc are 2yrs 5 months apart. It's getting a bit easier now my Dd1 is 3yr 8 and ds1 is 15 months. some days are better than others. Don't regret it though but find it v hard. I think it will continue to get less demanding physically as they grow up.

[Misty9]

It makes perfect sense to me raisedby and is how I feel too.

[raisedbyguineapigs]

I don't regret the second. We almost didn't have him, as the first one was such a hard baby we were never going to do it again. However, he was a very easy, happy baby. He was a handful as a toddler and still is now, whilst the older one is now as sensible as can be and no trouble. However, if I'd known how hard having children per se is, I'm not sure I'd have done it at all, but of course you don't know until you do it. I do know I would have regretted not having children if I had not known the reality of them, if that makes any sense at all...

[AdoraKiora]

Having a second child was the best thing I ever did .

First DC - hard pregnancy, awful birth, PND, very demanding/non-sleeping baby, difficult toddler. He was eventually diagnosed with autism. He is now a wonderful secondary school kiddo, but it was tough going all the way through with him as a little one.

Second DC - another dreadful pregnancy, but fantastic birth, no PND (quite the opposite - was on cloud nine for ages afterwards), dream sleeper/smiley, chilled munchkin. DS loved her to bits after an initial 'send her back!' period and they are as close as close can be now. Our family is complete .

[WhatsGoingOnEh]

I was 36 when I had DS2. I didn't ever enjoy pregnancy!! But it goes by faster second time, as you're much busier. (IME)

[WhatsGoingOnEh]

Never for a minute have I regretted DS2. He cured the PND I had with DS1 -- like properly cured it, like he changed my hormones or something. And it's so much easier second time around. You're so much more confident. I loved motherhood so much more with DS2.

[Minimalteserbunny]

Thank you everyone so much to think about

I just worry about my age 38 so not much time to mess around and actually being pregnant fills me with dread so I don't want to go through all the pain to regret it...

I guess no one regrets children per say but there has to be an element of WTF have we done sometimes

[knowler]

If you do have DC2, there will be times when you do regret it - DS1 was 3.5yo when I had DS2 and was therefore pretty easy going at the time. Having a newborn again put me back to square one! I also had PND after both, but at least after DS2 I was prepared for it, and knew when to seek help. And how many ADs I needed to take :)

But after about 6 months or so, the advantages far outweighed any regrets. The sibling relationship is lovely to watch and TBH, I just let them play by themselves most of the time now and have lots of cups of tea :) I'd feel terribly guilty if I did that with just one :)

Age gap is important - i found 3.5 years a good one but it's totally personal choice.

[magnificatAnimaMea]

I don't have one yet (fingers crossed, due in Nov) - but to add some balance, my mother desperately regretted having a second child (me).

First child was a dream, good sleeper, good eater, looked beautiful in all the little smocked dresses and crotcheted matinee jackets... was compliant, beautiful, charming, socially well-adjusted - and to this day is the perfect hostess...

Second child was a nightmare from before birth (bed rest from 12 weeks with placenta praevia), was premature, didn't sleep, didn't eat, she had PND and hated me from birth onwards. I didn't get diagnoses of autism or ADHD until my 30s, but my behaviour as a child was pretty disturbed. I grew up listening to "second children spoil everything" every time my sister did anything good or I did anything bad. The relationship hasn't really improved.

[Tonis2297]

No I don't regret DC2 at the beginning I wondered what I'd let myself in for and my patience is tested daily dc1 has autism and other disabilities and dc2 screamed for the first 7 months (severe reflux) my dp also works full time so I'm sahm with both of them it is still difficult ds is 3 1/2 and dd is 10 months , but I know next year ds will go to school and things will be a lot easier , I just feel bad I can't give dd all my time atm , if I had the choice again I would have probably waited until ds was at school but she was obviously meant to be and both of them have made us the way we are and I don't regret any of them

[MazzleDazzle]

Never. The bond they have is wonderful.

My first was in special care for 5 weeks. The hospital was a 4hr drive away from home. When she got home she still needed a lot of care and didn't sleep well. My second was much easier by comparison.

[Choccywoccyhooha]

No, not dc2. My eldest two are less than a year apart, so it was bloody hard work and now, at 5 and 6, they argue all the freaking time, but i'd still have them both. The positives they get from having a sibling far out way the negatives. DC3 however...I would definitely consider much more carefully if I had my time again. 3 is hard, I don't have enough hands, eyes, knees, energy, patience and no one is ever able to look after three for a couple of hours whilst I have some time to myself. Plus everything is geared towards 2 children families- holidays, cars, family passes, etc.

2 is great fun.

[ivegotdreadfulpmttoday]

No regrets at all. Wish I'd had him sooner so I would have had time for number 3.

[shinynewusername]

I think it's Marcus Brigstock who says that going from one to two is like going from owning a dog to running a zoo

[manateeandcake]

I don't regret having DC2 but the 6 months since his birth have been among the hardest of my life, with regular and frequent moments of great joy. The pregnancy and birth were both much more straightforward than with DC1.

DS is a gorgeous, delightful baby but he's a rubbish sleeper. DD is a lovely (if strong-willed) child but a very early waker. It's a vicious one-two punch that has put my marriage to DH under more strain than anything we've encountered. Luckily, I'm still hopeful that we'll emerge from it stronger (assuming we do emerge).

As others have said, watching the sibling relationship develop is amazing and I was surprised and happy to find that DD adores DS and fundamentally sees him as A Good Thing, though of course there are hard moments too.

So I don't regret DC2 in the least, but if I'm ever tempted to regret the subsequent children I don't have, I'll try to remember what this level of sleep deprivation feels like!

[septembersunshine]

No, and not the third or the fourth due to appear late summer. The saying goes (I think) that you never regret the children you do have, only the ones you don't.

Plus, the pregnancy/birth are just such a tiny part of the whole picture. And that picture lasts your whole life long. It's an adventure too - no one tells you that. It's a good adventure at that!

[Flowerpower14]

Mine are 10 and 7months and i did wonder this for a long time myself,but i can honestly say hand on heart theres no rejrects what so ever. They are so in love with each other even with i thought the novelty would wear off it hasnt. Its brought out the best in my older dd for sure. For a long time i said no more when i had 1 and i must admit now i would be much more likely to have another.

[AnotherStitchInTime]

No, nor dc3 and I had ptsd, PND and lasting physical problems after his very traumatic birth. Dd1 and 2 are best buddies most of the time. Ds just adds to the fun and madness. They are 6, 4 and 2 now and now we are nearly through the night waking phase with dc3 I feel almost human most days.

[PacificDogwod]

Does anyone really regret having children though?

I think some people do - completing an unwanted pregnancy and then having guilty resentful feelings towards the resulting child is not as uncommon as one would like to think, for instance.
And whether or not a child is 'easy' or not, no doubt comes in to it as well IMO and IME.

I gave a fairly flippant answer upthread (sorry about that ) and I don't regret having any of my DCs: I wanted a family of 4 children, after after several MCs I got what I wanted rather late in life. However, I can see the wisdom of not being outnumbered . As a PP upthread said, which of my 4 is up for adoption varies from hour to hour and sometimes minute to minute, but, no doubt, DS2 has been the hardest work, but that clearly did not put us off having more…. I have felt overwhelmed at times, there was a cost to pay in our relationship and I forever feel I 'fail' each and every one of them. I hope the benefits of having siblings balance out the downsides and that once they are grown-up they will look back on a childhood that they remember as 'happy' - even if they have screechy mummy at times.