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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Super embarrassed- I have farted loudly in front of DP

164 replies

Nicebucket · 09/05/2016 12:32

Ok, so maybe I know IABU

BUT I am mortified.

I've had some gynae issues recently and the side effect of the issues and meds has been a slight tummy upset

DP and I have recently started living together (about a couple months ago) and so far it's been smooth sailing.

Unfortunately, last night I farted in my sleep. I think it was loud too!!!

I was semi- sleeping so kinda woke up and DP just giggled and patted my head.

We even had sex this morning- neither of us brought it up and he hasn't said anything:

But I'm still mortified and can't stop thinking about it.
He did ask me casually if I had left my phone on because a noise woke him up.

What if the noise was my fart?! How horrifying would that be! I farted loud enough to wake my bf up. Kill me now

OP posts:

JessieMcJessie · 09/05/2016 13:11

I must say that after 2 years of marriage I am still reluctant to let rip a noisy one and do get embarrassed if I do a particularly smelly one in DH's presence (and vice versa).

However our first baby is due in 2 months and I have a feeling that there will be whole new depths of indignity plumbed when that happens that will make farting seem like tea at Claridges by comparison....

blindsider · 09/05/2016 13:13

My wife farts in the bath with me - doesn't bother me at all.

EponasWildDaughter · 09/05/2016 13:16

I have just remembered that while on all fours, mooing like a cow in the last stages of giving birth, the midwife leaned close to look for DDs head crowning and i farted soooo violently i imagine they heard it 3 rooms down (luckily no poo).

DH fell about laughing (It was a welcome bit of light heartedness in an otherwise god awful birth actually).

KaosReigns · 09/05/2016 13:16

Don't be embarrassed. This is just another relationship milestone, one that every couple needs to pass.

You'll save yourself a lot of stress and anxiety if you learn that farts are natural, and when you share your life with someone you also share your gasses.

My poor DP has to deal with graphic descriptions, if a fart put him off loving me we wouldn't have made it past the first few months. Although he was not impressed with my description of the latest, apparently one does not announce that they have blocked the toilet with a note of pride in their voice and a massive grin on their face.

mellicauli · 09/05/2016 13:21

Do what dogs do in that situation: Elongated your neck a bit more then usual, narrow your eyes, look slowly to the left, glower, then slowly to the right and glower again. Works every time, honestly.

DacreSucksDonkeyDicks · 09/05/2016 13:22

OP, in the years to come your DP will see/ hear/smell you pooing, peeing, being sick, full up with a cold/fever... It's all part of the rich tapestry of life together You'll see him doing all that stuff, too. Would it bother you if you heard him fart?

wallybantersjunkbox · 09/05/2016 13:24

At least the first was in your sleep op, not in the middle of him performing oral sex on you, like mine was.

Luckily he pulled back a bit just in time.

I lay there mortified, he calmly parted my knees and continued. (It wasn't smelly)

HonkHonkNose · 09/05/2016 13:30

My dp PISSED the bed the other night. Thought he was on the loo and just let the floodgates open in his sleep. I thought it was hilarious.
We've bought a new mattress and the stinking, pissy one is in the garage

MitzyLeFrouf · 09/05/2016 13:34

EWWW!

(at pissy mattress, not at release of sleep fart)

MitzyLeFrouf · 09/05/2016 13:34

Did you really find it hilarious??

poorbuthappy · 09/05/2016 13:36

Just wait until the first bout of food poisoning in a house with only 1 toilet.

gymboywalton · 09/05/2016 13:37

i have been married twenty years. My husband had to follow me with a cloth and a bottle of dettol when i had food poisoning so bad that the poo was running in rivers down my legs when i tried to get to the bathroom.
he has cleaned up vomit and seen me give birth.

if you are in it for the long haul a fart is nothing.

that is why the wedding vows say 'for better or worse, in sickness and in health!'

Fratelli · 09/05/2016 13:47

I totally understand op! I have never and would never purposefully pump in front of anyone, not even my mum let alone my dp. I just wouldn't. However, he claims I do in my sleep and I'm sure I do. Nobody can help that, I wish it didn't happen but I'm only human! Your dp obviously isn't bothered so don't worry!

My dp has also seen me give birth but had strict instructions not to look at that end just because I felt uncomfortable with it. I also think if anyone thinks seeing the birth of their child has put them off their partner then they're a bit of a dick!

Topseyt · 09/05/2016 14:42

Nowt wrong with a good old fart, and nowt wrong with a good old fart thread.

Farts are a non event for DH and I. We just let rip if we are at home and not in polite company.

I've given birth in front of him three times. Farting pales into insignificance and we usually just laugh about it.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 09/05/2016 14:49

Whaaaaat?! Your DP pissed himself, ruined the mattress and you found it funny?

LordoftheTits · 09/05/2016 15:09

wallybantersjunkbox

Oh dear, I'm really laughing at that! He sounds like a trooper

Vixxfacee · 09/05/2016 15:11

I farted in my sleep and woke up dp before. I know how mortising it is. However we have been together six years and he has never heard me fart apart from that. I wouldn't dream of doing it in front of him.

MrsTerryPratchett · 09/05/2016 15:13

When in labour I projectile vomited a litre of cranberry juice everywhere. It was like The Exorcist, but pink. If DH had gone from a no-farts house to that, he might have been a little less stoic.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 09/05/2016 15:16

Does he not fart like a train at all times? Thought all men did

YorkieDorkie · 09/05/2016 15:23

11 years and still have never farted in front of DH . I really wish I'd just got it out of the way early now because I think he'd run up and down the streets shouting it if it happened now!

ronjo · 09/05/2016 15:25

How the fuck is this mortifying??????

wallybantersjunkbox · 09/05/2016 15:28

Lordofthetits thing is he never farts....never.which means I can't let rip like I normally do when it's DS and me. We have competitions.

And he eats so much fruit!

If he moves in ever I'll need a cork up my bunghole.

IamCarcass · 09/05/2016 15:32

I get high fived for my facts. As Fratelli says, if you're in it for the long haul..

Sapph1r3 · 09/05/2016 15:57

Sorry OP but I cannot stop laughing "What if the noise was my fart?!"
Totally understand where you're coming from though. I never farted in front of my ex DH during our marriage, my next DP teased me no end if I accidentally did it in my sleep Horrifying. The only saving grace was that he was mortified if he did it in his sleep and I would giggle. I have never farted in front of new DP - and he's a GP!!!!! He literally would not care less but I genuinely believe there is no room for farting in a civilised relationship.

Sallystyle · 09/05/2016 16:02

I fart all the time, DH doesn't say anything because it is just something he is used to, it's as normal as breathing.

I have IBS and fart all the time. If I think it's going to be smelly I would try to leave the room but otherwise no one blinks an eyelid.

I always end up with a stomach ache when polite company is round because I try to hold them in.

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